Toxic, Messy, And Shocking Ex Situations
For every happy and stable couple out there, there are a few hundred wild and bizarre ex-relationships that never had a snowball’s chance on the sun of making it work. While not every match is made in heaven, the ones that end up with both people feeling like they’re in Hell are usually the most explosive. Cheating on people, being dumped through a text, and trying to unload being a parent (to go party!) are just some of the weird and wild reasons people have given to separate from a former love. Even if being single is better than being together, the wild exes and the breakup stories they carry with them are sometimes too funny or bizarre to be taken seriously!
Leave Your Former Partner Alone
Doing something as grown-up, and supposedly mature, as getting married is a pretty big step. So is responsibly moving on from a past relationship. Not everyone is capable of that. Some folks are even stuck acting like juveniles who weren’t given the candy they wanted at Halloween. This guy thought he could actually prank text his ex to get her current partner jealous!
What a childish thing to do! Then, just to make sure nobody missed such a brilliant plan, the guy posts about it on Twitter! Dude, on this planet, your plan was doomed to fail from the start.
Petty People Feel No Pity Or Shame
It can be hard to not text or contact someone that you used to see every single day. Part of a break-up is dealing with the new reality that the person you used to be with isn’t your go-to point of contact anymore. The rules of separation still apply, even in the face of a global pandemic. This person’s ex, despite having already separated, just couldn’t leave the poster alone.
Once people began to understand the symptoms of COVID-19 they began to weaponize them for their own mental warfare. There is no rational reason anyone would send this text. There’s also no reason anyone who wasn’t unhinged and bitter over being single wouldn’t send it either.
How Much Do Children Actually Cost?
You can’t put a price on love. You can definitely put a price on how much it takes to raise a child you had with someone you’re no longer with. Child support is a touchy subject that millions of divorced former couples have to put up with. While the actual number differs between each family, it seems like Christine Baumgartner, Kevin Costner’s ex, is abusing the system.
Lavish vacations aren’t normally considered a necessity for raising kids, ma’am. It’s easier to just admit that you want to live a celebrity lifestyle without doing the work. It would make things like this seem so much more believable. Remember kids, honesty is always the best policy. Oh, and greed is never good.
He Wanted To Let You Down Easy?
Breaking up with someone is never simple. If you really care about them, it can be hard. If they care about you more than you care about them, it can be even more difficult. Instead of delivering bad news abruptly, some folks may opt to try and go on one final date. That way, before the bad news ball drops, there was some being had before that.
The thought process is there, but it doesn’t completely make sense. It may seem like a good idea, but it’s not. Don’t waste someone’s time with a date that means nothing if you’re just going to dump them anyway. This could have saved everyone an evening that was slated to end in tears from the beginning.
Santa Gave Out Weird Gifts That Year
Finding out a partner or loved one hasn’t been faithful is never good. It can completely disrupt the mood and ruin someone’s holiday spirit. What would you do if you were ready to spend the holidays with someone you cared about but were already celebrating intimately with someone else? It wouldn’t make things better if they got you that one gift you were really hoping to get.
An iPad is just a cold comfort after your BF becomes your ex. It’s a good thing she waited to dump him until after gifts were exchanged. At least she was getting something more permanent than a loser for the holidays.
Did They Capitalize On A Stranger’s Kid?
You never really know what a stranger is going through when they’re speaking on the phone in public. Most of the time you’re only going to get half a conversation that usually has nothing to do with you. In those instances, it’s best to ignore the person talking. When they decide to drag your kid into it just because they need some noise in the background, that’s when things get weird.
Oddly, anyone would think this was a good idea! Who decides someone’s crying child is the perfect opportunity to ruin someone else’s day? We would have grabbed the phone and called out the lie immediately, just for the sake of principle!
Tell Him To Watch The Musical
Being and acting like a wicked witch won’t get you far outside of the land of Oz. If you treat those closest to you with malice or disrespect, they’ll up and leave. Sure, you may not have a house dropped on you, but a truly good person is one that you’ll probably lose sleep over.
If that were to ever happen, you probably should deal with a restless night without dragging your ex into it. We can’t imagine a less sympathetic person to reach out to at a late hour than the person you up and left to deal with an empty bed. Sounds like someone isn’t getting any sleep anytime soon.
A Terrible Christmas Carol Story
You get what you deserve. In what world would you ever give someone you’ve broken up with a stack of cash and a request to do some holiday shopping for you? Why in the world are they buying the tree and gifts for your family with your money? Why can’t you do it? This sounds like the worst holiday movie ever with extra steps just to create drama. I
If the relationship ended with any animosity at all, it was obvious from the beginning what would happen. Now you have a crappy “tree” that smells like a car and nothing to put under or over it. Santa wouldn’t even be able to find this one.
What A Set-Up And Let-Down
Using a metaphor to describe how vast and deep your love is can be a romantic way to flirt with and let a partner know you care. Is your love as deep as the seas? Perhaps it’s as vast as the cosmos! It could be neither. In fact, it could be as pointless as trying to count the number of stars in the sky!
Isn’t that a sarcastically terrible way to let someone down? It’s also kind of funny. However, that’s only because we haven’t been on the receiving end of such a painfully blunt let-down! Well, there’s plenty of fish in the sky, or whatever it is they say.
Trash Shouldn’t Brand Other Minds
Desiring someone who’s connected to the changes of the planet and appreciates the natural and simpler things in life isn’t a tall order. There are definitely people out there who love doing seasonal activities and broadening their horizons. Usually, those people end up with like-minded others who want to do those things, not just write about them.
It’s a good thing someone called out this online dreamer from their unrealistic expectations. The ad they put out sounded amazing at first! Then, reality set in with a single comment that brought everyone back down to Earth. Wanting something and living that reality are completely separate things to this guy.
Talk About Being A Poopoo Head
If someone ever decides to break up with you, they may also decide to take whatever it is they think is entitled to them from the relationship. Past gifts and little mementos should generally be split, or given back, to the original buyer. Other things, like appliances, should probably be left alone. Stealing something like the toilet isn’t a great call.
Where would you even put it? That, and, that doesn’t really fall under the “relationship gift” code of items that are up for grabs. It’s time to admit you overreacted and return the porcelain throne to its rightful space. Just because you want it doesn’t mean you get to keep it.
Not All Garbage Is Flammable
You’d be surprised at just how durable some of the food we put into our bodies is. Even the trashiest of snacks can be a pretty hearty source of protection against the elements. If those elements are fire, then you’re almost good to go! Some moron thought that everyone’s favorite cheese-like snack, Cheetos, needed to be used for something other than getting orange fingers.
This guy tried to use a bunch to set a former girlfriend’s house on fire! It went about as well as you’d expect. After trying to ignite the cheesy snack, this guy was promptly arrested. What kind of cheese ball does something that stupid?
That’s Not How Custody Works
That’s not how custody works. When you’re a parent, you’re agreeing to be on full-time parental duty 24/7, no matter the situation or risk associated with taking care of someone else. It’s expected of you. The idea that someone would put their children before themselves is pretty basic. However, not everyone automatically thinks of the children first.
There are actually people out there who would prefer it if there weren’t parents to begin with at all. However, even if it were possible, it isn’t. If you helped bring someone into this world, then you’re responsible for them from the beginning!
Not A Healthy Coping Mechanism
Don’t get tattoos inspired by or influenced by a romantic partner. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been together for decades. What you put on your body should be personal to you to help avoid situations like this. We’re not sure what prompted this response, but skinning yourself and mailing bits of said skin to people isn’t healthy.
If someone breaks your heart, don’t break more of yourself just because of them. That’s not a great way to get over them. Plus, you’re going to have a wickedly bad scar to remember them, and that event, by, A therapist and some quality alone time may be the best option here.
Late-Night Workouts Aren’t A Thing?
Okay, it’s a modern miracle how “smart” our technology has gotten to be in recent years. Almost every device that gets near us can either track something or report to us the latest updates and news. Even our exercise bands can tell our partners where we are and what we’re doing, and at what rhythm, any time of day! But how much of a blessing is it really?
This doesn’t really seem like a problem… unless you’re cheating on your girlfriend, then it can become one. Not only are you burning a ton of calories at a random time of night, but so many in a short period? Dude, no amount of crunches and squats can justify that.
There’s A Meme For This
Memes started as a fun way to share niche humor online. Since their early days, they’ve kind of exploded into a mass-shared online currency of funny and sometimes weird images. For the most part, at least the more mainstream ones, they’re harmless. Most of the time, people aren’t even paying attention to how many memes they’re exposed to in a day.
Liking one doesn’t particularly do anything aside from encouraging the system to show you more. Nobody would really consider it cheating if a guy liked a meme made by a girl. Well,. most rational people wouldn’t that is. This young lady on the other hand? She’s in a league of her own.
Block And Move On, Dude
There’s rarely any situation in which an ex and a current boyfriend need to share personal information regarding their one link of commonality: the former and current girlfriend. If your girlfriend’s former boyfriend starts messaging you with stuff like this, just hit the block button. Don’t give it another thought.
Not a single good thing can come from starting a conversation with this person. Why would someone your girlfriend doesn’t want to be around anymore be entitled to that type of info? They’re not. Your intentions as a trusting couple don’t involve some weirdo who can’t seem to move on from the past.
Scumbag Stacey Knows Her Memes
Relationships take a lot of work and communication to get right. Maintaining an open channel of communication, and not cheating on your boyfriend, are great ways to ensure people remain happy with each other. Don’t cheat on someone, own up to it, and then start playing the victim. That only works in the twisted mind of whoever thought to do it in the first place.
To everyone else, you look as perplexingly backward as this guy sees you. Good choice of meme, but the implication is kind of creepy. You need to give guys space. It’s not like you’re some kid being sent off to school! Just send a text and go about your day next time.
Just Let Him Go Already
If you miss your ex and feel like y’all should still be together, just let him know. Maybe he feels the same way. That, or, you can learn to move on like most other people would. Staging an elaborate and fully-staffed wedding ceremony to a stranger is one of the worst ways of letting your ex know you still love them.
What are they supposed to do with that information after seeing you get married? They do just what this guy did and ignore it. He’s probably better off after something like this anyway. Did this photoshoot cost as much as a real wedding?
Wasting Everyone’s Time And Attention
People seem to be obsessed with the lives and relationships of celebrities. Whenever a new celeb has fresh love in their life, people aren’t far behind in sharing the gossip. Even major brands are getting in on the action these days. That’s already a double-edged sword. You don’t really want to support the heavy slog towards post-capitalism.
At the same time, some brands are pretty funny. Things go south when the brands we know and love start capitalizing on someone else’s heartbreak or weird pairing. We’re not sure who to root for in this situation. Whoever Shakira is rooting for, we’re with them.
So No Till Death Do Us Part?
Wedding vows are a nice thing to exchange with your beloved during that special day. They reaffirm your commitment and desire to stay by your new life partner’s side. They also are pretty explicit about what constitutes devotion. The classic line stating, “…in sickness and in health, till death do us part.” isn’t vague with its meaning. It’s literally about staying in love and devoted to each other until y’all die.
This woman didn’t really vibe with that. Instead, she decided she was better off without her sick and dying husband! The relationship, after he got ill, just threw off the general mood and atmosphere for her. She sounds like a real bummer.
What A Slippery Guy To Pin Down!
Getting dumped can make people feel gross. All the crying, upset vibes, and nastiness that come after a tough breakup just weighs a guy down. Sometimes, the only cure is a nice long bath to clear your head and find your center. The trouble is, what would you do if your ex kept your body wash?
You might as well go get it, right? Wrong. Just go out and get new bubbles, bro. This is the absolute worst way to go about starting a nice night in as a single guy. At least you get credit for trying to literally slip away from the cops.
What Twilight Zone Are We In?
Is this satire? This has to be satire. There’s no way this is wild and crazy enough to be a weird ex story. The problem here is that this is such a rational and normal response that some people aren’t able to process it. They’ll take someone else’s ability to move on easily and without fuss as something negative!
No, don’t worry, in case you really need to hear this. This is how someone is supposed to treat rejection. The world would be a much better place if more guys acted like this when told a relationship wasn’t going to happen..
It Looks Like A Puppy
Some people get very attached to a partner. Even after they break up, some people will stay convinced that they’re still together. They’ll even go so far as to fake a pregnancy just to get attention from the person they want to spend time with! Here’s the thing, that’s not a claim you just throw around.
That’s a huge deal. Plus, it’s really easy to Google image search something these days. This lady didn’t just lie about being pregnant. She pulled a random photo off of the Internet and played it off as her own! Some people will refuse to move on and do nonsense like this over being healthy and rational people.
Is There Waiting Room Footage?
If you’ve ever had the displeasure of having your wisdom teeth removed, you know that at least you get some of the good stuff to sedate you. The anaesthetic is enough to knock you out and erase any memory of the procedure from your mind. The only caveat is, you’re going to act like a complete psychopath until that happens.
Confessing your heart’s true feelings to an ex is already a risky situation. Doing it while under the influence of medical-grade anaesthetics only makes the situation worse. It also adds just a touch of humor to the day for everyone not directly involved. So, at least there’s that silver lining.
Be Sure To Say Hi To Roger
If you and a former partner are friendly enough to follow each other on social media, at least be aware that it might be awkward. It’s only natural. If you’re carrying on with your life after someone, and enter a new relationship, it’s not unheard of to eventually start posting pics with your new beau.
This harmless act can also attract an ex to do some photo scrolling to see what you’ve been up to. If y’all are cool with it, then that’s great. However, mass-liking an album will always come off as desperate, whether it’s a mistake or not! Better send a quick DM and clear this up before Roger starts asking questions.
Which One Haven’t You Told?
Wait, wait, wait, did this guy not tell his current girlfriend he’s about to be a dad? Or, did he not tell his ex that he’s the father of the baby? Either situation sounds pretty terrible. Mom has a right to know who the dad is (just in case she doesn’t).
Your current girlfriend should probably know you’re about to be a parent, too! This is why communication in relationships, both during and after them, is so important. There’s a lot of heartache about to happen here. It’s almost like watching two train crashes happen simultaneously.
Stop Using The Same Picture!
Thanks to dating apps, it’s easy to fall in and out of a relationship at the swipe of a finger. After a while, if you stay on the same app long enough, you might run into a former partner or two. While that’s fine, using a picture they cropped you out of isn’t. To make things worse, this other person was doing the exact same thing!
If you splice the two pictures together, it’s just them from when they were together. Someone either needs to do some better photoshopping or one of them needs to change their photos. This just reeks of regret in a weird way. The emojis are also a bit odd for having “no hard feelings”.
So, Not With The Drummer?
Not all relationships are built to last. Sometimes, a short fun fling is just what someone needs at that point in their life. If you live in a large enough area, like a major city, you might never run into your ex-fling again. If you do, it’ll probably be brief. If you run into two former flings at the same time and place, that’s a coincidence.
But three? You must have really ticked someone off to have that karma dumped on you. We couldn’t imagine the embarrassment of seeing a rock band perform where 75% of the band knows you intimately. What’s worse, none of those times worked out into a long-term thing! Hopefully, they didn’t have a backstage pass for the show.
Just Take a Hint, Buddy
How many unanswered messages does it take to get a hint? For us introverts, just one message without a reply is enough to make us regret ever contacting that person in the first place. You may be one of those confident souls who’s happy to send a double text.
We hope you’re not like this toxic ex who sent constant messages without getting a single response. His texts range from the standard “just talk to me” all the way to the definitely psycho “I’ll haunt you’re ass till your dead.” The more time goes on, the crazier he gets, telling her that no one cares about her and bringing up her obituary. Terrifying.
A Literal Snake Is Involved
We all have that one ex who is an absolute snake. Everything they say is designed to manipulate you and get you back under their control, from pretending to care about you to playing the victim. One gaslighting narcissist didn’t see the irony when he wouldn’t leave his ex alone. He began by sending his ex a string of text messages about how much he broke her, how much his life sucks, and how much he misses her.
He throws in an “I have no money for food” for good measure. But according to her, he still has enough money to support two expensive snakes and pay for a phone bill to harass her. You know you’ve hit rock bottom when literal snakes are less shady than you are.