Moms Who Are Clueless About Raising Kids
After carrying a child for 9 months and enduring giving birth, it’s really no question why mothers have a special bond with their children. While dads can and should lend a hand in raising their kids, moms usually take on a bigger portion of the work. There’s nothing wrong with that…unless that mom happens to be totally clueless. Moms like these will brush off advice from doctors and get all their information from sketchy websites and online forums filled with equally delusional parents. Sometimes their insane practices end up putting their little ones in danger.
We present you with some of the craziest and most clueless mothers!
When Math Is Truly Terrifying
If you’re still recovering from your teenage days of geometry and algebra, brace yourself. We have a spine-chilling calculation that will sober you up in a second. When a 13-year-old got caught trying to purchase alcohol illegally (as many teens do), her mom came up with a punishment that would surely send a message. This teen would have to finish an entire bottle of vodka in one sitting.
Poetic justice? Not so much, when you do the math. 1.75L of Smirnoff vodka is 39 1.5-ounce shots. Considering that only a few shots are enough to make inexperienced drinkers sick to their stomachs, forcing a 13-year-old girl to down almost 40 shots of vodka in one go is downright dangerous.
It’s Time for a New Hobby
When your friend suggested that you take up a new hobby after that messy breakup, making crochet tampons was not what she meant. But maybe the Toxic Shock Syndrome and all of that yarn fuzz stuck up there will be the distraction you were looking for. In the meantime, sharing this “eco-friendly solution” on a Facebook group is the perfect way to spread this dangerous product to impressionable moms and daughters.
We all know how those Facebook mom groups get. One mom posts something outrageous, and the other moms jump on the crochet tampon bandwagon faster than the supply can keep up. Pretty soon, crochet tampons are a luxury item that only makes life more unsafe for everyone. Please just knit a scarf next time.
Safety Warning, Toxic Mom-Approved
When we think of toxic moms, usually a controlling, manipulative, and unempathetic person comes to mind. But some moms take the definition of toxic literally. Case in point: This mom exposed her children to a toxic ingredient to relieve pain, then proceeded to share her “advice” with other moms on Facebook, all without doing any proper research.
One mom created a post asking for advice to help children deal with the pain of teething. Our toxic mom responded to the post with her magic solution that included tea tree oil. If you’re not familiar with natural remedies, tea tree oil is extremely toxic if it’s ingested. Even whiskey would’ve been a safer bet.
Pain Is the Best Medicine
Birth control can truly be a godsend. It helps with acne, reduces period pain, and can even lower the risk of getting some cancers. It’s a shame that some close-minded mothers would rather see their daughters go through treatable conditions than consider trying out medicine that has worked for millions and millions of women.
We don’t know what the reasoning behind this mother’s refusal is. Whether she’s fearful of birth control’s reputation, she doesn’t believe her daughter is in that much pain, or she is just plain stubborn, one thing’s for sure: the girl needs some ibuprofen! And while we’re at it, her mom could use a lesson from a doctor.
Is That What the Bible Says?
We all can remember feeling the judgment of those passive-aggressive moms who breastfeed their kids for three years and swear that formula is the equivalent of abusing your baby. We don’t see the opposite of this viewpoint very often, but we’ve found a toxic mother who may have outdone even the most extreme formula shamers.
According to this creative mother, the Bible holds the explanation for the pitfalls of breastfeeding. Because we are all born of sin, anything that comes from our bodies will be full of the transgressions and toxins that we interact with each day. Formula is free from all of our flaws, just like The Lord. We can’t make this stuff up.
Making a Difference, One Period at a Time
Foul language, bb guns, and period blood… we don’t know where to start with this one, so we guess we’ll just take it from the top. This mom moved into a house with her family, only to discover that her soil was dead from a recent pesticide spray from the city. Naturally, the best way to rehabilitate the property involved a contribution of her own hair and period blood.
And she didn’t stop there. Using her period blood for a good cause inspired this mom to begin what she calls the Urban Homestead project, a way for her to “make a difference.” So far, she’s told her neighbors that she would shoot their dog with a BB gun. Nice.
Natural, Healthy, Better Than Cocaine
It’s a Tuesday morning. Your son is bouncing off the walls because of his extreme ADHD, and he won’t calm down until he has his medicine. You open your refrigerator, crack open a can of Celsius energy drink, and hand it to him. In just minutes, he’s able to focus, all without the supposed effects of ADHD drugs.
Celsius isn’t just more effective than Coca-Cola or Dr. Pepper for helping a child with ADHD. It’s natural, healthy, and better than cocaine. Even though it has tons of caffeine, it’s drug-free. The only side effects are heart palpitations. Yours truly, a toxic and ignorant mother. XO.
Not Scared of the Sun
We all know that one person who thinks they’re invincible. They’ll speed past everyone on the highway, outdrink everyone on a night out, and look for the biggest risks out there without any concern for the consequences. Some people even think that they’re stronger than the sun. Exhibit A: this toxic mom.
With thousands of likes on this post alone, this vegan mom’s TikTok account looks to be a huge influence for bad parenting decisions. When asked about the sunscreen she uses on her child, she responded that vegans don’t need sunscreen. But we’ll bet that her child’s face is sporting a pretty serious sunburn right now.
If You Have to Ask…
Here’s a controversial question: When is the right time to introduce your child to a new love interest? You’ll usually hear responses ranging from a few months to up to a year. Sometimes, though, there will be that toxic mother who thinks that an introduction on the first date is a fair consideration.
If you’re the mom who posted this, here’s a wake-up call: Don’t bring your child on a first date, especially when the man knows you have a kid! Aside from confusing your child with a stream of new, random men, you don’t really know who these people are! You’re opening up the window for creeps to take advantage of you while scaring off any guy with decent judgment! Lecture over.
Relax, He Has a Fat Neck
It’s common knowledge that grapes are a choking hazard for infants. Everyone and their mother knows that it’s important to always cut grapes to minimize the risk. But being a toxic mom means acting irresponsibly and finding ways to justify it. This mother argues that because her child’s neck is fat, his throat is big, too. So she can feed him all of the uncut grapes she wants.
Nevermind that his age, advice from doctors, and established medical research all point to the same fact: young children have small throats, whether they have a pencil neck or enough rolls on their body for a bakery. It’s almost like we’re talking about two completely different body parts.
I Didn’t Ask for Your Opi-onion
Trust is a funny thing. It gets you through tough times when you’re close to giving up, it motivates you to let someone else take the lead, and it allows you to build closeness with others. Then there’s blind trust. Blind trust will turn someone from a rational person into a cult follower.
This child came home one day surprised to find an onion in every corner of her mother’s house. The cause wasn’t so mysterious. Her mother’s WhatsApp group of fellow moms told her to do it. Apparently, people did this in the 1500s to fight off the bubonic plague. But the bigger mystery remains: how far will she go with their advice?
You’re Not Wrong, But You’re Not Right
Ever since cell phones became a necessity, there’s been a debate over the right time for a child to get one. Some parents have no problem with their kid having a phone at the age of 10, while skeptics prefer to wait as long as possible. One toxic mom who feels strongly about this topic decided to prove her point with “research.”
Phone use can cause sleeping issues and behavior issues, she argues. We have no disagreement there. But giving your child a gram of crack and then comparing reactions to cell phone use sounds like going way too far for research. We have a feeling that this wouldn’t be parent or peer-approved.
Why Do Some People Believe the Earth Is Flat?
Because Mom told them! When we’re young, it’s natural to get our understanding of the world from what our parents do and say. When mom washes her hands before and after every meal, so will her kiddos. If she tells her kids that the Earth is not a globe and we could all just fall off the edge, they’ll accept it. And that’s just what this toxic mom did.
Not only does this mother let her children sleep in “till whenever they want,” but she brags about their healthy Whole Foods diet (of shrimp and strawberries?). And that’s not all. She won’t stop until she can spread the message to other parents about how kids deserve better than learning about fake dinosaurs and imaginary germs.
Exposing Disney’s Secret Illuminati Agenda
Some media have messages and imagery that are way too intense for kids. That 50 Shades of Gray movie night you’re planning with your best friends probably won’t go down so well if you’re inviting their kids. Luckily, there are enough Disney shows to keep your kid entertained for their entire childhood and many of them have educational value.
It’s too bad for the toxic moms who look for a hidden agenda in everything. They’ll take something that kids love and turn it into a problem with a devious message. Even an innocent television show is the gateway to a secret Disney cult when you’re living in the paranoid world inside your head.
“Nothing More Than A Cold”
Sending a kid to school with a cold is pretty callous and heartless. Sending them to school after testing positive for the coronavirus is almost like malicious neglect for both them and everyone around them. This parent doesn’t seem to think so. In fact, she doubles down and says the kid HAD to go to school. Why? They didn’t want to cancel their lunch plans and a trip to the salon.
Put on a hat and take care of your kid. The level of irresponsibility is off the charts, especially during a pandemic. What would they say if their kid got hundreds of others sick and put into lockdown? She’d probably change her tune once other parents got wind of what was going on.
We Don’t Think This Is a Generational Problem
This one took a minute for us to wrap our heads around. With the world imploding, the atmosphere disintegrating, and the cost of living ourselves skyrocketing, bringing new life into the world sounds terrifying. While the views and definition of family have changed with each generation, some people refuse to adapt. It’s becoming more and more common for newer generations to opt out of procreating so they can focus on other things (or themselves).
That’s everyone’s personal choice. Some parents can’t stand the idea of not being grandparents. They also don’t realize that if people are struggling to take care of themselves, creating more mouths to feed isn’t the answer. However, deciding to have a child at a later age and blaming the burden of raising them on others is asinine and makes us worry about that baby.
We Hope She Didn’t Go Through With It
Please read the image before continuing. Okay, deep breath. Ready? Let’s dive in. NEVER TATTOO YOUR BABY. Babies don’t need tattoos. As cool as you think they are. No matter their purpose or meaning, no infant, toddler, adolescent, or anyone other than a consenting and rationally-minded adult should be getting inked. The fact that a parent is comfortable with taking their child to get jabbed with permanent ink on their still-developing bodies is rage-inducing.
What makes this even more horrifying (if it isn’t a sick joke) is how blissfully careless they seem to be of the whole affair. While nobody should tell you how to raise your kid, this isn’t one of those cases. The court of public opinion should, and probably did, rule against the parent here. Hopefully, no tattoo parlor in a million-mile/kilometer radius allowed something this heinous to occur.
Why Is That a Problem?
Elementary schools usually put a strong emphasis on reading. From story time to book reports, it seemed like every adult in your life was trying to get you to read when you were young. The problem is that most kids are more interested in TV and games, so getting them to pick up a book can be a huge chore. For some reason, this parent has the opposite problem!
Imagine thinking that reading is bad for a kid’s development. Plus it sounds like she’s not happy with any genre they choose. Lady, these kids are already smarter than you will ever be. Sounds like you could benefit from a book or two.
My Daughter Wants to Be a Serial Killer
We’re all for kids expressing their creativity and becoming whoever they want to be. One of those opportunities is during Halloween when children can dress up as their favorite real-life or fictional character. Classic costumes for a 10-year-old include witches, wizards, dancers, superheroes, vampires, and movie stars. But we’re confident that letting your daughter dress up as Jeffrey Dahmer is not a good idea.
It all started to go downhill when you let an impressionable 10-year-old watch a documentary about a man who murders people and eats them. What did you think would come out of that? Now she’s not going to wear any costume at all unless it’s killer-approved.
Medical Advice Is Irrelevant for MY Child
It’s a scary moment as a mom when your baby is in pain. Even something like a diaper rash can take a terrible turn. This poor mom watched her baby experience swelling, bleeding, and peeling skin, all of which rightfully caused her to panic and take her daughter to medical experts.
But once she got to urgent care, she did the worst thing any toxic mom could do in that situation: completely ignore the medical advice from an expert. It’s pretty bold to call someone stupid when they’re giving you crucial information to help your child feel better, their job is to provide a standard of care that you’re not well-educated enough to give.
Brownies for the Breast Milk Bake Sale
We’ve all gotten ourselves into a pinch when we’re in the middle of baking. Halfway through a birthday cake, we may realize that we’re out of butter. That cookie recipe we’ve been dying to try required two more eggs than we had in our kitchen. So what do we do? Substitute a few ingredients and hope for the best.
But this is not a one-size-fits-all solution. Under no circumstances should you use your own breast milk in place of regular milk for your child’s brownie bake sale, no matter how you feel about the other children’s nutritional levels. That’s not your responsibility. Please just go to the store.
Enough With the Cereal Advice
There’s some controversial parenting advice that manages to last generation after generation. One of these pieces of advice is to put cereal in a child’s milk bottle. Some people say that it works well for children over 6 months old, others swear it’s their go-to method for their 2-month-old, and still others are against it altogether. We have no authority with this subject, but we do have two recommendations.
First, talk with your doctor about what’s best for your child. Second, don’t go on Facebook and threaten to scream at people who give you advice you don’t like. They’re just going to try to get you mad. Now there’s going to be a fight in the comment section…
Something About the Carbon Monoxide
There’s an old wives’ tale that hanging an egg in an old sock in your baby’s room will help relieve teething pain. This is because the carbon dioxide in a room supposedly causes pressures on the gums. The shell of an egg can absorb up to seven times its weight in carbon dioxide, making the environment more pleasant for teething.
Meanwhile, carbon monoxide is an odorless, tasteless, and highly poisonous gas that comes from burning fuel. If there’s carbon monoxide in your home, you shouldn’t stay there with your teething child and hope that the egg-in-a-sock trick will work. It won’t. Please call the fire department before things get ugly.
Non-Vaccinated Babies Just Feel Different
Certain parents will stop at nothing to create reasons as to why they shouldn’t vaccinate their babies. Often, their grounds are something along the lines of this one: the energy of an unvaccinated baby is more “solid” and “alive.” The baby is not floppy when you pick them up… they feel different.
We totally agree the child would feel different. And by feel, we mean the baby would be a lot different than other children when they get infected with hepatitis, measles, chickenpox, and tetanus. They’d probably be upset when they suffer more sick days from 100% preventable illnesses. Even if you’ve never held a vaccinated baby before, we’re sure there’s no difference.
Wish We Could Choose our Choices
There are many things we don’t get to choose in life: where we’re born, who our family is, and how we were raised. So when we get to be adults and it comes time to make the decisions about where we live, who we marry, and how we treat our children, it’s important to be mature and take responsibility for our actions.
It makes it much more annoying when people use their Twitter accounts to complain about life situations which they have 100% control over. This mom either had no sex education and thinks the stork got her pregnant, or she’s a complete moron. Choose what you want to believe.
I Am a Real Mom
We’re lucky enough to live in a time where enough of the population is vaccinated, so we can forget certain illnesses ever existed. Be honest, did you know pertussis was whooping cough before you searched it up on Google? The vast majority of us can go on living our lives without ever having to think about horrible illnesses like this one, but clueless parents have to learn the hard way.
One “real” mom realized not getting her kids vaccinated had some very dire effects. It only took her 2-month-old going to the hospital because he was suffering so much. Then she started to have doubts about keeping her kids unvaccinated. Hopefully, other real moms out there learn from this.
Baby, Can I Cut the Cord?
How long should you wait to cut the umbilical cord? According to the World Health Organization, two to three minutes after the baby’s birth is recommended. This allows for more time for iron to transfer to the baby which promotes healthy brain development. On average, it will take the cord about three to five minutes before the baby is born to stop pulsing.
Once it stops, this means all the blood has passed to the baby. Or you could be like this clueless parent and wait to cut the cord until you get your baby’s permission. After all, this cord is basically like an arm or leg. Your newborn baby will be able to speak and let you know when they’re ready for you to remove it.
We Bet the Baby’s Feeling Salty About This
We humans have to make everything so complicated for no reason. Even that’s difficult enough can be made more difficult so we can show off to our friends. This woman simply could not give birth the normal way because she had to prove to the world how organic and pure she is.
We know for a fact the water isn’t the only thing that’s salty. We wouldn’t be surprised if the baby is upset straight out of the womb. He was literally pushed into waves of water bigger than he is. Meanwhile, sand is getting in all of the places an infant should never have to think about.
So There I Am Minding my Business
So there I am, minding my own business and smoking my cigarette. A man walks by me (probably an officer) and shakes his head, even though I said hello and was trying to be nice. It’s clear he had something to say about my tattoos and the fact I was smoking a cigarette while pregnant.
But he’s the one with the problem, not me because I’m pretty sure my doctors are aware I’m smoking while pregnant. I’ve done it with all my babies. Anyways, please go be irritated with somebody else. I know I’ve put the entire story on Facebook because I’m looking for social approval, but seriously. Go get annoyed at something else while I continue to complain.
How Do I Cure My Bald Baby?
Some new parents will do everything, all the time Oftentimes the right thing for them to do is sit back and be patient. There’s really no need to rush the natural stages of human development your child is going through. So whether your soon-to-be-adopted child or your 10-month-old is lacking a head of hair, chill out and wait for it to grow in. It will eventually.
Or you could sound totally crazy and ask people on Facebook if you can give your bald baby biotin to make their hair grow. Don’t forget to throw in the details about how you’ve already shaved her head twice and how your wife is Mexican because it’s totally relevant information.