Most Hilariously Offensive Vintage Advertisements
In many different aspects, the world has come a long way, especially since the new technological wave. One of the elements that have completely changed, whether for better or worse, is advertising.
With tons of new mediums that advertisers can now use to their advantages, such as social media, influencers, websites, and online video content, advertising has taken a whole new form.
Before all of this, advertising as well, interesting to say the least. Some are totally inappropriate, racist, or sexist according to today’s standards, and would never make it to today’s consumer audience.
They promote some products that are just outright strange and questionable or contain claims that are now outrageous to our modern day-in-age. Let’s take a look at some of the most ridiculous ads that show us how far we’ve come.
Good, Not Good For You
With the evolution of medicine and the findings of nutrition, we all know that butter is not good for you, even though we kinda wish we could forget that sometimes.
Of course, it makes basically every dish better, and we know that it needs to be eaten in moderation.
But looking at the advert through our modern eyes, just the image of the kid forking butter into his mouth makes us a bit sick.
Not sure if the creators really thought this was true or not, but I would advise against taking “nutrition tips” from vintage adverts, or maybe any adverts at all.
Nothing Magic About This
Oh if we only had known then what we know now…Asbestos is a silicate material that has been used for centuries, but in the end of the 19th century people discovered that it had many properties such as insulation and it’s resistance to heat.
Businessmen took that and ran with it, promoting the material as the “magic mineral”, which is now kinda terrifying knowing that there’s even a disease named after it called asbestosis, and you can develop serious lung conditions or cancer from inhaling it.
It’s now a well known health hazard, and using it as a building material is banned in many countries.
I’m Not Loving It
The entire reputation of McDonald’s is that it’s the epitome of everything wrong with the food industry.
The fast food chain is widely known for being some of the most processed, unhealthy food on the market, but apparently it wasn’t always so notorious in this way…or maybe so their marketing team thought.
Now we’re not trying to bash the good ‘ole Mickey D’s because we all love it every once in a while, but it is quite humorous that they even tried to brand themselves as contributing to more than half of “your daily protein needs”.
Please, Ruin Your Appetite
For some reason, there was some sort of dark period in medicine where they claimed that sugar was good for you…maybe the professionals were having a sugar rush.
It could also just be the lack of censorship for adverts, and advertisers had free reign on what they wanted to put out or claim about their product.
It’s super dangerous to tell people that you should have sugar instead of a meal, and today we know all of the harm that sugar can do to your body like diabetes.
Again, never take a “diet hint” or “diet tip” from an advertiser.
That’s A Bald Claim
You can obviously see the big print that is trying to widen its target audience by reassuring you that even if you don’t have hair you can still give them your money, but if you can’t read the smaller print allow me the pleasure; the text assures you that the hairdryer is “a nice replacement for your teddy bear” and “it comes in three terrific colors to go with any bedspread.”
It goes on to explain; “so when you’re through drying (your fingernails, if your hair hasn’t grown in)” it’ll still look cute, and “so if you run into a cloudburst or fall into a swimming pool, you’re prepared.”
I really can’t make this stuff up.
“So Many Good Things”
According to the ad I’m supposed to see so many good things, but all I see are babies in cellophane, and that’s definitely not a good thing.
When I was younger I was always told by my parents not put cellophane or plastic on my face because it can lead to suffocation, so I’m not sure who these baby’s parents are or what they were thinking, but I’d like to have a word with them.
The ad reads that cellophane “keeps them extra-clean and sanitary” but there are about a million other ways without the death risk that can fulfill that task.
Seems Legit
It seems kinda awesome that there was a time period where being “fluffy” was trendy, and I just keep telling myself that that time is now, especially during Thanksgiving dinner.
Jokes aside, it’s pretty interesting to see an ad for a product that promotes weight gain rather than weight loss which is basically all we see nowadays.
But obviously, this ad is pretty offensive and just something we wouldn’t allow in a magazine these days.
Grove was confident in it’s product to promote “no cure no pay”, so maybe it did work but regardless the advert is distasteful to say the least.
Probably Not A Good Idea
This ad was trying a bit too hard to prove themselves, going as far as to show a mom holding her baby under the lamp just to prove how “absolutely safe” it is.
Knowing what we know now, that too much sun exposure can increase one’s risk of developing skin cancer, it’s pretty unsettling to see a baby under direct light of a tanning lamp.
They even promote sleeping under it…well if that’s the case, it must be very safe to do so! Also, what is a “health” tan?
I really hope whoever purchased this lived to see another day.
Burning Your Batteries Does Not Replace Fireworks
This honestly sounds like some dark joke, but crazily enough this was some real advice that some real dude got approved by some more real dudes who then decided to advertise this to some other real dudes.
The only thing I know that’s not real it this tip, you should definitely not burn old flashlight batteries in the fireplace and it definitely won’t help you or entertain you in any way.
Lighting batteries on fire emits toxic fumes and corrosive materials that you do not want to inhale.
Cannot recommend this enough, don’t do this and dispose of them properly, the “colorful flames” are not worth it.
Just As Nature Intended
Yeah I know, there are so many layers to peel off in this advert, and personally I don’t even know where to start.
This product, which is aptly named the “Separate Sack Suspensory”, or even better, “The S.S.S” is said to allow you to live your life comfortably and is “made just as nature intended”, although I don’t know what exactly is natural about this contraption.
Don’t worry though, they offer you a money back if not satisfied guarantee so if it smelled like it had been used before, its because it probably has.
Doctor Without A Cause
This is one most of us remember or have at least heard of- the days when it was fine and dandy for doctors to support cigarette smoking, and one physician was even quoted; “the doctors choice is America’s choice”.
The top right paragraph on the ad responds to its claim that “not one single case of throat irritation due to smoking camels; “Yes, those were the findings of noted throat specialists after a total of 2,470 weekly examinations of the throats of hundreds of men and women who smoked Camels- and only Camels- for 30 consecutive days.”
I wonder what happened to their jobs after the real truth came out…
We’ve All Been There
After reading the print, it’s clear to me that this product was invented for other reasons than we might think today.
It says; “friends and strangers alike will think you’ve joined that ‘special’ friend group of mobile phone owners!”, so it’s clear that this is so you look like you own a cool cellular device when you actually don’t.
Nowadays we actually own cellular phones, but we pretend to talk on them because either we don’t want to talk to the people around us or we’re trying to look important.
Who can relate?
Unnecessary Addition
Have you ever heard someone brag about a “new bottle of Heinz Ketchup”?
Neither have I, until now. This dude’s wife has cooked him a full dinner, and all he cares about is “that bright fresh ketchup flavor”??
According to the ad, “Heinz Ketchup beckons a man” so advice all you single ladies, try enticing your crush with a fresh new bottle.
All jokes aside, this is one of the few products that still exists today from this list of crazy adverts and it truly is still “the largest selling ketchup in the world”, so they must be doing something right.
Bottle Fed
It’s crazy how many advertisers took to babies to try to gain traction on their product, whether that worked at the time or not is another story. The ad outlines that according to “laboratory tests”, your child will “have a higher chance of gaining acceptance and ‘fitting in’ during those awkward pre-teen and teen years.”
It begs of you “Do your child a favor. Start them on a strict regimen of sodas and other sugary carbonated beverages right now, for a lifetime of guaranteed happiness.”
I can’t believe my mom thought breast milk was best for me!
Cheap Solutions
Now knowing the effects of cocaine, it’s extremely strange to see it advertised as a medicinal property, especially as a cure for a toothache, and especially targeted towards kids.
Even though toothaches can be pretty painful, this treatment plan may be a bit excessive, to say the least.
Back in the day, you didn’t even have to get into a white van to get your fix, you could find it right at your local pharmacy.
Fifteen cents is a pretty impressive price for drugs, I wonder what you could get for a dollar…
A Slice Of Heaven…Or Not
Well, this is interesting…pizza in a box. Yes, I know that pizza always comes in a box whether its store-bought or frozen, but this kind of box was not what I was expecting.
By looking at it I can say for sure- this pizza does not beat going out. The ad states that this pizza is fun, easy, and “convinces boys there’s no place like home.”
I’m not too sure this pie is keeping them from going out for real food, but who knows, that couple looks pretty happy but also seem to be paying no attention to the pizza in their hands.
You’re Kinda Missing The Point
Dude, that’s not really how this works. It’s nice to hear that he feels sorry that women have to menstrual cramping each month, it doesn’t help that he’s turning it into something about himself.
You are not a victim, and you did not just say that you “suffered through those bad days each month, too,” as the ad reads.
He goes on to dig himself a deeper hole; “thanks to Femicin, she now acts like the woman I married- every day of the month” the ad reads. Even for a product strictly for females, they still couldn’t let us have this one.
Excuse Me What?
So toothpaste is an invention that we all still use (well, most of us) but this angle of the advertisement has long since died thank god.
This advert is saying that if you don’t use their toothpaste, your husband will cheat on you, and rightfully so.
In the small print underneath the photo, it says; “no wife wants her husband to carry the memory of her morning breath to work with him. The attractive women he meets during the day don’t have it.”
This ad honestly sounds like it was written by an angry man trying to send his wife a message.
Crying Out For A Toaster
It’s hard to imagine that the men behind these men had good relationships with their wives, or even a relationship with any woman.
These advertisers are targeting the women by trying to get them to ask their husbands for the products that they are selling.
It’s funny how they thought that women only wished to receive kitchen appliances for Christmas, and nothing else maybe for herself.
No woman is crying over a toaster, I can only see men crying over them when their wives finally start to refuse to cook them their every meal.
Get A Life
Even though these ads are incredibly offensive and ridiculous, I still gotta hand it to them for their creativity- the connections they draw to try and sell their product is really quite impressive.
A normal brain wouldn’t draw the association with being married and having runs in their stockings, but these advertisers took it there.
“Husbands admire wives who keep their stockings perfect”, I have also never heard of a man that actually cares about such trivial things, but there’s a first time for everything.
This man needs to mind his own business and keep his eyes on his magazine and leave his wife alone and let her enjoy her knitting.
Educational TV
Basically, everyone watches TV regardless, but we all know deep down that it’s not exactly the best way to spend all of our time for mental and physical reasons.
Motorola was so sure that their product was doing something for the greater good, so they took the liberty to make an “infographic” highlighting the “benefits” of letting your children watch TV.
It’s crazy to see something that is now infamous for having negative effects on child development advertised as something that is causal to “better behavior at home and better marks in school”.
But mom, it’s true…I saw it in an ad!
Devilish Distractions
This is really shocking and almost humorous at how absolutely absurd it is, and it’s really hard to imagine a time where this was okay to publish.
The advert makes me feel thankful for living in a period where girls are allowed to have dreams and goals, and where most of us don’t live in fear of devilish distractions.
The men that made these adverts just really wanted to put it into women’s brains that they want dinner.
I’ve never heard of such a thing of people going through such lengths for food…when I’m hungry, I’ll just make something myself or order in.