People Who Were Confidently Stupid
Everyone reading this is a smart, capable, and probably rationally-thinking person. If not, you’re all doing a good job of hiding it. For every bright individual in the world, there are a few thousand idiots just around the corner that are ready to screw things up for everyone else. Sure, there’s no such thing as a stupid question. Do you know what there most definitely is? There’s most definitely such a thing as a stupid and uninformed, or ignorant, opinion. The same goes for random statements, fake facts, and just about anything else that showcases someone’s lack of empathy or intelligence. While it can be exhausting dealing with stupid people in the real world, at least online we can all take a deep breath and laugh at them.
Welcome to the world of the confident dummies and the best stories of them in the wild!
Please Stay In School, Kids
Okay, here we go. To start: some rocks do indeed glow. It can be for a variety of factors that may seem like magic but are actually just super neat scientific phenomena. Second, the moon doesn’t glow on its own. That’s the sun doing all the hard work. The moon is just there and somehow controlling the tides. Now, onto the real issue here: this person is so far past stupid they probably should have supervision while online.
Calling for the incarceration of scientists and those that believe in scientific fact is very medieval. This is the type of person that studied the Dark Ages and considered those to be a good time in human history. They’re the scourge to facts, not science.
Take It Up With Science
Put whatever you want into your body. Keep out whatever you want from your body. Your body is yours to do whatever you want with it. Some things though are non-negotiable. No matter how many cleanses, diets, and detoxes you take on, you can’t flush some things out of your system. One of those things is mRNA. It’s not in you due to lack of consent either.
In case anyone is confused, mRNA stands for messenger RNA and it’s in all of us. We’re not doctors, but just to be clear, ribonucleic acid (RNA) is a nucleic acid present in all living cells that is structurally similar to DNA. It helps with synthesizing proteins and doing many things to keep us alive. If you want to be rid of it, you’d also have to stop living. Do with that what you will.
Not Exactly A Linguist, Huh?
Starting off any argument or rebuttal by calling someone a freak isn’t a good way to win people over. Also, pronouns have been around for as long as language has been a thing. Just because a more widespread and open use of different pronouns is becoming more common doesn’t mean the whole concept is now dated. Plus, every language on the planet has pronouns.
It’s not just an English thing, or a gender thing! Whether you’re addressing another person or talking about an inanimate object, you kind of have to use a pronoun. If not, your sentence isn’t even a sentence anymore. It’ll just be gibberish. Oh look, we said “it”. That’s a pronoun too! Oh, so is “that”!
Someone Doesn’t Know What Dairy Means
We understand that some people may not know that eggs aren’t dairy. However, we also understand that some people are idiots. If you eat eggs in the morning, or whenever, you’re not eating dairy. Eggs are a protein. Why? Well, you’re basically eating something that could have turned into another living being. If a recipe calls for eggs it can still be considered non-dairy.
It doesn’t matter if they’re primarily eaten with milk or used in dessert or whatever. Eggs aren’t dairy and this person needs to study the food pyramid a bit more. Maybe we should start having people take a basic food test before being allowed in the kitchen or around breakfast in general.
They Can’t Even Spell Disappoint Correctly
Y’all, the Earth is not flat. It’s a sphere, just like every other planet and moon in our solar system. This “theory” of being flat has been debunked so many times that at this point anyone who doesn’t believe in the spherical nature of our planet should just sail right off the non-existent edge. Everyone would be happy, right? What type of empirical data do you have to prove your findings?
Oh, that’s right, none. We’re not just living on a spinning ball careening through the cosmos at hypersonic speeds. You are as well. Also, just in case you didn’t realize, the sun doesn’t revolve around us (or you). We, on the planet, which is a sphere, orbit the sun.
They’re Television History You Idiot
Without documenting the past and revisiting it through different means, we’re all doomed to repeat it. Without culturally significant and iconic television, we’re also probably doomed to die of boredom. Just because some things don’t appear in an academic history book, or on the History Channel, doesn’t mean they’re not part of history. History is all around us and we’ve lived through it.
If you’re older than a nanosecond, then you already have some experience with the past. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, while fictional, did live and air in the past (as well as the present). They’re also part of millions of people’s memories, which all took place in the past (also known as history).
At Least They Have Confidence
Confidence is key for anyone in this world. Regardless if you’re right or wrong about something, having confidence is half the battle. The other half is actually being correct about whatever you confidently believe. This twit (or whatever a Twitter user is called) is only halfway there. While there are some dictatorships in South America, 90% of the continent isn’t run by them.
Just because you verbosely state something doesn’t make it correct. Even in your own little world, free of facts, you’re wrong. It’s almost like they use social media but not the rest of the Internet. Fact-checking doesn’t need to happen when you completely ignore the facts!
Europe Didn’t Change A Thing
Okay, fine, you love America. That’s fine. Have reasonable pride in your country. However, don’t just assume that everything you know and understand happens to be from the States. Aluminum, also pronounced aluminum, was discovered by a Dane and manufactured by a Frenchman. Neither of them were American nor did the discovery take place in North America.
If anything, it’s the Americans that took the word and started switching things up! A lot of embarrassment could have been saved with a quick bit of research. But, that would require some common sense. It doesn’t seem like this person has much of that to rely on.
Where Did The Giants Come From?
Just like there are people who don’t believe that the Earth is round, there are people that don’t believe in dinosaurs. It’s ridiculous. It’s absurd. It makes no sense. If you dig a little bit further you’ll find people that think giants existed long before dinos! The fun part of living in a fantasy is that things don’t have to make sense to anyone but yourself.
What mudflood happened and where did it occur? Even if it were half a millennium ago, there’d be records. How can you believe something as wild as that and not think you’d be called out? We’d also like a little bit of explanation on what they mean by “controlled opposition”.
What Is An Assault Knife?
This person’s spelling isn’t the sharpest. Before we even get to that, can we please talk about assault “knifes”? What makes a knife, an already dangerous tool, even deadlier? Is an assault knife an automatic weapon that rapidly spins or something? We’re super curious. However, what’s worse than making up a (hopefully) fake weapon? Making up a fake weapon and then spelling the term for it incorrectly.
It’s 2023. We have spell check, the Internet, and dictionaries at our disposal. Those little red lines under your word will tell you that you’re wrong. Listen to them. It’s knives. To use the word correctly in a sentence, try this: “Assault knives sound redundant and dumb.” Here’s another one, “Do your research before posting words, like ‘assault knifes’ on the Internet.”
Someone Is Feeling Mighty Jealous
It’s so easy to get a medal or trophy these days. When we were younger, you had to actually accomplish a feat or something to get an award! The more prestigious the ceremony or person giving it to you, the better it was! We’re fairly certain that any medal the President of the United States gives someone, it counts as a big deal. People who accomplished something get things like that.
If you go on Twitter, you may find someone who believes a different statement. If you’re being ignored by the President, maybe calling actual winners of something that he’s awarding isn’t the brightest of ideas. Besides, regardless of politics, who is this person to be calling World Champion Badass Simone Biles a loser?
Only One Is A Continent
Geography can be hard. Different regions are called different things by different people. Then, you have all the flags and capitals to memorize. It can be a mess. We don’t blame this idiot for being wrong. That doesn’t mean it’s less funny. If you’re going to be wrong about something, make sure you’re confidently wrong.
Stand up for your idiocy. Then, when you’re called out on it, watch that karma score drop. At least you got your pride. Just be sure to hold on to it. You don’t want it to go missing and you don’t even know what part of the world you left it in.
That’s Not Where Tampons Go
Do they not teach health and anatomy in school anymore? How are more and more people coming out with these insane ideas? Regardless of gender, nobody in our species pees from their butts. There are different systems in different places that take care of that. Really? From the butt? It just gets worse from there.
Apparently, according to this dude’s acquaintance, that’s also what tampons are for. People who need one just shove them right up there to stop themselves from peeing. What makes this worse than stupid is the idea that this moron could be in a position of power somewhere.
America Isn’t The World Police
The planet we all live on is pretty big.Even with overpopulation and other issues, there’s a ton of room for people to explore. You may even be surprised to learn that more than one person on the planet makes the rules, too. Each country, generally, has a leader. That person is only in charge of the borders of their country.
Just because one country happens to be louder and more online than others doesn’t make it the rule-maker for the entire world. America is a big and popular place, but it’s not all-ruling. No matter their beliefs or abilities, the President of the United States doesn’t have the ability to affect Canada’s laws. If this person is still stupidly confused, that’s where Toronto is.
From The Book Of Fallopians
Some words are never really questioned or paid attention to. That’s a shame, seeing as how there are a ton of interesting words out there. Some of them even vaguely sound similar to other words, even when they have nothing in common. Languages are weird and fascinating that way. Take the word crucifix as an example.
That’s a religious symbol of Jesus nailed to a cross. A word that sounds, vaguely, like that is cervix. Jesus was most certainly not crucified on a cervix. That sounds much more painful and unpleasant for everyone involved. This dude should listen more and talk less.
The Earliest Time Is Never
Something, something, breed standards. Something, something, years of tradition. We don’t care. Stop cutting pieces off of your pets. Unless medically needed, don’t crop a dog’s ears or their tail. It’s mean. We’re hoping that’s what this terribly misguided piece of advice was about. Maybe they’re being a sarcastic idiot instead of a real one.
We’ll play stupid’s advocate here and pretend they’re serious. This isn’t how genetics works. This would be like telling two people that if they wanted a purple-haired baby they needed to dye theirs first and then have sex. Science doesn’t work that way. Also, again, don’t crop your animals’ ears.
Why Is The Savior Tiny and Illiterate?
If you’re going to talk down to people then you better come correct. Being this patronizing and rude almost convinced us this person could maybe be right. Then, we said their “advice” in our head and realized that nope, they’re just a jerk that doesn’t know English. If you’re ever confused about the whole “he and I” vs “me and she” phrase, it’s really simple.
Break it up into two sentences. Instead of, “Me and my husband love being right,” try, “My husband loves being right and me lovers being right”. Oh, is that wrong? Exactly. It’s, “My husband and I can’t stand reading this nonsense from stupid people for much longer.” Carry on.
Men Need To Stop This
No, we’re wrong, this dude isn’t a man. He’s a child that just happens to be considered an adult. Get educated and stop sounding stupid online. Fellas, if you don’t know something it’s okay to ask. There’s absolutely know reason to sound this stupid and to leave proof of it for everyone.
We’re trying to help you here. This isn’t a sex thing. However, it is a common sense thing. Pick up a textbook and a dictionary. Look up vulva. Don’t sound so stupid. There, now you’ve learned something and you don’t have to do what this guy did.
This Customer Isn’t Right At All
Do people still call businesses and place orders? Sure, the old adage of ordering a pizza over the phone is a thing. However, can’t people log on and get a much better experience when they order online? Whatever, to each their own. Listen, if you’re going to call a place and demand, not place, but demand an order, you’re rude. You’re not right. You don’t get to get your order.
Treat people with kindness and respect. Seriously, they’re making your food! You should also make sure the number you’re calling is an actual place to order a meal. From the looks of it, this business tried to let them know that wasn’t what they cooked. Maybe people should listen more and yell a bit less.
Mia Might Need To Reevaluate
The Oscars are a star-studded event. Every year, huge titles are celebrated and some random ones are boosted up. There’s also no shortage of drama or surprising moments. A year or two ago, one special evening slapped harder than others. While the awards were going on, Chris Rock, the host for the evening, delivered a joke so poorly that Will Smith assaulted him on-stage.
The thing is, while it got a lot of press, it wasn’t the wildest moment of the night! It just happened to be the most combative. A whole lot of other things took place that also deserved a lot of press. Just because you’re a celebrity and have a big platform doesn’t mean you get to cherry-pick what’s really important and what’s just a great photo.
Reading Can Be Very Hard
Reading is one of those abilities that most everyone should have, but. not nearly enough people do. Literacy should absolutely be promoted in the world. The problem is, even if you can read, you have to apply those skills to learn what’s being presented to you. At the very least, if you’re going to spout off nonsense advice about an article, maybe ensure you’re not trading words with the person who wrote the article.
What makes you, a faceless profile picture, more of an expert than the author who got paid to write the article? Better yet, what makes you think you can argue against them without even reading what you’re giving an opinion on? The confidence is strong with this one. The literacy level? That’s debatable.
Chimps Don’t Have Any Currency
Often considered insignificant in the amount, chump change is less serious than disposable income. Whether it’s a small amount, a handful of coins, or anything not worth a second-thought, that’s chump change. It’s not usually said in the positive, but hey, money is money, right? Despite it being a well-known phrase, not everyone hears it correctly. Chump and chimp do sound alike.
We’re not denying that. We are raising an eyebrow at this dude’s level of conviction. Where did he get in his mind that it’s chimp change? Also, what’s the justification in using it? You know what? Keep saying chimp change. Just have a good story to go with it.
Incorrect Past Participle Use, Ma’am
Nobody said English was an easy language to get a grip of. There are so many different little grammar rules and exceptions that it means most words seem to be randomly assigned at times. Usually, past participles that imply past-tense end in “-ed”. Broke is not one of these words. While “broked” may follow the rules, it’s an exception.
Even so, and teaching people the difference can be nice, there’s a time and a place for a grammar lesson. When someone is discussing their breakup, maybe that’s not the most opportune time. Also, if you’re going to educate someone, make sure you’re not incorrect. If so, you’ll just “broked” people’s trust in your intelligence.
Those Don’t Clog That Way
Fat and unhealthy things can clog up different parts of our bodies. That’s why maintaining a healthy lifestyle and diet is the best way to ensure our bodies stay in top-top shape throughout our lives. Different dietary plans aim to maintain a level of health. However, even with an all-plant diet, you should at least understand what impact it has, or doesn’t have, on your body.
That starts with learning how the body works. If you’re confused, that’s okay. Just ask. Here’s some free biology info: fat and dairy don’t pile up in your fallopian tubes. Those are very specific parts of your body and not one that’s affected (directly) by diet. If that’s your excuse for a vegan lifestyle, keep it to yourself.
You’re Wrong On Multiple Levels
Has nobody ever seen a globe or world map before? Even if you don’t know all of the countries, you should at least know the seven continents. North America, South America, Europe, Asia, Africa, Australia, and Antarctica. Lots of As, but there they are. Also, while it’s a generalization, someone from a country in Africa, regardless of their appearance, is technically considered African.
Just because someone is pale doesn’t mean they can’t be from Africa. Also, while on the subject of Africa, Morocco is most definitely an African country. The dominant religion in a given country doesn’t get to dictate what region or continents it’s in or on. Wow, this person fell out of the stupid tree and struck every branch on the way down, huh?
Fetuses Don’t Have Their Own Fetuses
Time to crack open the dictionary for this one. A fetus is any mammal that’s currently in the neonatal development stage of the birth cycle. After a sperm and egg join together an embryo is formed. A few weeks after an embryo begins to grow it turns into a fetus. Once the fetus develops to a certain stage it’s then born and defined as a newborn (from the combination of “new” and “born”, FYI).
Unless there’s some bizarre medical abnormality going on there’s no possible way a newborn has a fetus inside of it. Maybe they absorbed their twin or something. Even if that’s the case, there’s still no fetus inside the baby.
An iPhone Is Still A Phone
Long past are the days of using a telephone for the simple purpose of making calls. Now, most phones are portable Internet devices that have the capability to make calls. Even so, they’re still technically phones. Everyone understand? Great. Moving on. There are no microchips in the COVID-19 vaccine. No brain scans are taking place. Nobody is being made a slave to the (non-existent) “deep state).
They’re just vials of medicine designed to protect you against a deadly and dangerous virus that’s killed millions upon millions of people. While there’s a lot of false information about vaccines floating about, that’s something most everyone should be able to agree on. The rest? Well, if you don’t know how easy it is to track someone based on having a phone, you’re just being ignorant.
Bi Means Two And Homo One
Please, for the love of whatever you believe in, stay in school. So many of these morons could have avoided the shame of being here if they just used their heads and remembered their education. Sexuality is a spectrum. Even before that was widely accepted and acknowledged, different “types” of sexuality were already well known and documented in our species. Homosexuality implies a person of one sex is attracted to the same sex.
Bisexual (similar to bicycle) implies that the person is attracted to TWO different sexes. Both women and men can identify as bisexual, since that’s how it works. Since when can’t a guy be bi? Bi men can still be in a relationship with a woman and be considered bi. Someone needs to tell this person bye, because their theories on sexuality are way off.
There’s A Reason For That
Who runs the world? Girls. That’s right! According to Beyonce, and a lot of statistics, women generally outperform men in many different aspects and measurable metrics of society. That doesn’t mean all the data presented is accurate. That, or, some people just forgot how to read. Even if they didn’t they sure do only read what they want to read and ignore some of the finger details.
Take this chart of 2019’s highest paid female musicians. Not a man or male-presenting person in sight! Wow! That’s amazing for women! Why aren’t there any men here? Maybe it’s because this list is ONLY about female musicians? That kind of makes sense. Celebrate all you want, but at least re-read the chart first for some clarity.
Captain Matt Isn’t A Doctor
Attention everyone, Captain Matt is speaking! He has something very important to say and is here to break down some false medical facts. Is he a doctor? No. Is he an expert in the field of obstetrics or gynecology? Not at all. Does he think he’s more qualified than an actual physician that specializes in the field? Absolutely. Why? Because he’s a man with an opinion and some flags in his username.
This idiot thinks he knows about abortions and their effect on the human body. It’s a bit odd, particularly because he can’t have an abortion. He probably hasn’t even been with a woman long enough to get to that point. Plus, his username also starts with fedora, so, do with that what you will.
Let’s Explain What Ableist Really Means
Being disabled means something different to everyone. It includes doing your best despite facing more struggles than most. Then you find out that your mom’s negligence was the reason for your disability. She wasn’t willing to give up the feeling of alcohol or smoking for your health. This is nothing to do with controlling anyone. No one by any means is saying that being disabled makes you any less worthy of living or special.
We should all want the best for our loved ones and healthy pregnancies. There’s probably a difference between complications happening due to chance or because of your parent’s selfishness. We doubt these suggestions are a government conspiracy though! Whoever posted this must have an IQ of 0 or be so manipulative that they’re using it as their reasoning for behaving terribly during her pregnancy.
It’s Not Me, It’s What The Drugs Did To Me
We all have one of those “I got way too high” weed stories. Maybe you watched a movie for 30 minutes in the wrong language without realizing it. Maybe you got in the shower and started shampooing your hair without turning the water on. Maybe you called in sick from work at a job that you don’t even have.
But none of these funny moments can compare to what happened to American football player Ricky Williams. When his drug test came back positive, he had a perfectly logical explanation. He had gotten high and forgotten that he wasn’t supposed to get high…. Because everyone’s already high before they smoke weed. Lol.
Place Holders Are Just A Suggestion
Does anyone else have this memory? You’re in elementary school learning about the digits and your teacher explains zero placeholders to you. For numbers like 103, the zero is there to mark the space for the tens digit so you don’t end up with the number 13. You might have even practiced this on a paper with different sections for all of the place values.
But whether you remember learning this or you don’t, you’d have to be seriously stupid if you thought placeholders were just a suggestion. The guy who went to the store and was surprised by the zero candle clearly never considered how the numbers 10, 20, 30, 40 (and so on) work. The candle is obviously a mistake since nobody turns zero years old. Duh.
Confused: Cell Phone But No Home?
Anyone who’s ever been homeless or even struggled to pay rent knows the feeling of fear that comes with even the thought of losing your home. Once you don’t have a place to live, it’s hard to get back on your feet again. The cost of owning a home is out of reach for many people, and even paying rent can take up half of your salary!
Meanwhile, there are people on the internet who are either too privileged or too stupid to care. They’ll post things saying they are “confused” about how someone is homeless but still has a working cell phone. Maybe it’s because maintaining a cell phone costs a few hundred dollars or less a month to maintain, while rent or mortgage is in the thousands.
The Forehead Tells Another Story
How much do you know about the story of David and Goliath? We’re guessing you know at least this much: David was able to slay the nine-and-a-half-foot-tall monster by hitting him over the head with a rock. Goliath stumbled, and with his forehead, all smashed up, fell face down onto the ground.
Knowing this basic information, you’d have to be pretty stupid to think that you stumbled across a perfectly preserved Goliath skull in the wild. Even though the post in this picture claims that the skull of Goliath was found just outside of Rome, the forehead of this massive fossil indicates another story. But who’s to say it’s not his twin or something? Or some solid Photoshop skills.
Beards Are The Only Protection From Indecent Thoughts
A key element of religion – no matter what the religion might be – is the influence of sexual activity. Many religious figures speak out about homosexuality and same-sex temptations as wrong. Some even come up with their own stupid reasons about why people have these “indecent thoughts.” We laughed out loud when we saw the stupid speculation from this Turkish Islamic preacher.
He actually believes that beards are a protection against indecent thoughts because, without beards, men look like women. Hot stuff! Since these beardless men look so feminine, they will cause improper thoughts. If only we could solve the beard issue, homosexuality could be a thing of the past. Here’s to facial hair making everyone unattractive… as if!
Controlling Your Blood Is Easy!
Want to be outraged? Hello there. Some men are part of the “meninist” movement, which is a safe space for men to voice their opinions about how women are victimizing men through their lack of self-control. Meninists are using their voice to speak about things that matter, like using tampons.
One teenage meninist has made it his mission to spread the word with an anti-tampon rant. In his eyes, tampons are a luxury item because women don’t need them. If women just had the self-control to control their bladders, then blood wouldn’t come out in the first place. This might just be the dumbest thing we’ve ever seen.
Human Decency Is A Handout
It’s 2023… Why are we still arguing about this? We all pay taxes (Well, most of us). Shouldn’t those taxes be going to provide basic services that ensure a safe quality of life? Or is this basic human decency just too much to ask? This is the debate that has been surrounding universal health care for decades.
When Scott went online to say that universal health care was a “charity handout” that involved financing other people’s problems, Joe Cooper used the same logic to call out this silly reasoning. He said if your house catches on fire, why don’t you shop around for firefighting services and find a good quote? You lazy man.
Is It Gay To Say Good Morning?
Being social is part of what it means to be human. No one should live a life in isolation. Part of that means doing small things to feel welcome in your community, like saying “good morning” to people as you walk by or holding the door for them. Be careful how you talk to people, though… or they may just think you’re gay.
We mean this sarcastically, of course. We feel bad for this guy. He had to go online and double-check if it is gay for a man to say good morning. All because his father made him feel bad for it. The post may seem stupid on the surface, but it reflects a potentially toxic relationship underneath.
It’s Your Fault I’m Allergic To Seafood
We thought this was obvious, but we’ll explain again. Leaving a review for a restaurant should be based on the elements of service and food quality that are in the restaurant’s control. For instance, don’t leave a one-star review for a restaurant because you parked outside illegally and got a ticket during your meal.
Don’t take off stars because the restaurant wouldn’t give you free handouts due to your “influencer” status. And under no circumstances (didn’t think we’d have to say this), don’t take off stars because you went to a seafood restaurant and couldn’t eat anything because you’re allergic to seafood!