People Who Deserve To Stay Single
Being in a relationship isn’t for everyone. Not only do you have to learn to deal with another person’s way of life, but they have to tolerate you as well. That’s a tall order for some. While it can be tricky, some people can make it work. This article isn’t about them. This one is all about the people who should probably stay single a little while longer. From freak-outs to ridiculous expectations, there’s no shortage of eye-rolls coming down the line here. Are you ready to meet some “nice guys”, “cool girls” and other people who can’t help but lie their way to a first (or last) meeting?
Have a look at people who should definitely stick to the single life!
Shouldn’t it be implied that everyone’s body count is ze
You’re Definitely A Weirdo, Jack
Stop beginning your bios with how weird you are. Guys, you can do better. That’s just flying a red flag at the very beginning! After waving that around, this dude goes on to rate himself and then anyone else who may have the misfortunate of matching up with him! If all the good ones are married, then what happened to you?
Are you not one of the good guys after all? Someone really needs to proofread their dating profile. Then, at the very end, you misuse a Titanic reference? Good going Jack, you’re alone out there in the dating sea and nobody is coming to rescue you.
Not Everyone Wants To Be Friends
Rejection is something we all have to deal with eventually. Whether it’s for work, relationships, or online friendships, not everyone will be a great match with everyone else. Thankfully, the Internet has a way of letting people down easily. When we send a friend request to someone online, one of two things can happen: they accept and your friends or your request is quietly denied. Nice, simple, non-dramatic.
This drama queen is having none of it. They’ve never been rejected by anyone before, including acquaintances they’ve met once or twice! Good thing she’s getting to the bottom of this rationally. Like any rational person, she’s going to this guy’s place of work to make a scene! We hope someone recorded it.
You’re Not An Alpha Anything
If you’re so good at language, then why is your opening sentence complete nonsense? What in the world is “a woven strand of touch as a language”? Touch is a love language, but it’s not a strand of anything. Also, if you’re working in the establishment of men, maybe try hitting on them.
The entire paragraph is a word salad that’s so unappetizing that it’s putting us off our lunch. The only way this guy is exceeding his peers is in the “insufferable idiot” category. It is a busy field? Probably. Is he taking home the gold? It’s the only thing he’s taking home aside from himself.
You Two Deserve Each Other
Cheaters never prosper. It’s a phrase as old as times that fits this situation perfectly. If this guy is trying to cheat on his family, he’s trash. If you’re trying to break up a family because you think you’re prettier than the wife, you’re trash. It’s that simple. Just because both of you are pretty doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be together.
He made his choice, started a family, and is probably happy-ish. Leave him alone. Nothing good is going to come from this person calling this guy’s wife ugly and claiming he shouldn’t be with her. These two aren’t even friends! Some people need to find something better to do than stalk others online. Maybe they SHOULD be together if they’re both looking for someone terrible to be with.
ALL CAPS MEANS REAL LOVE
It’s obvious that this guy is the real deal. He’s a great guy with multiple citizenships, speaks multiple languages, and types LIKE THIS BECAUSE HE’S AWESOME. Who wouldn’t want to answer such a well-put-together message that reads as if he’s screaming? All he wants is marriage for love, and totally not for easy citizenship. He already has it, obviously. Even after writing such a well-written message, it seems the lady of his dreams just wasn’t interested.
Well, our friend here isn’t taking that rejection lying down! It’s obvious the other person just didn’t have enough education to talk with him. That’s totally the reason. It has nothing to do with the numerous spelling mistakes, all-caps, and other issues. It’s gotta be because she just wasn’t smart enough to respond, right?
That’s A Double-Negative Though
We have a few problems here. First off, a date to Chili’s isn’t a sign of not being able to protect your partner. What kind of hunter-gatherer situation is happening at the restaurants you go to? Also, does it count as protecting your family if you’re asking to substitute your fries for a side of wild rice?
Ma’am, manliness isn’t determined by the fanciness of the restaurant your guy takes you to. If you can’t figure that out, perhaps you need to spend some time single. Then you can see what it’s like to try and provide for yourself for once before bringing in a whole other person to take over the job.
Just A Simple Venting Moment
Even nice guys get tired of being looked over. On some dating apps, guys aren’t in control. That’s already causing their heads to explode. When women are given the power to pick and choose their partners, this turns seemingly normal and rational men into babbling idiots who take offense when their inboxes aren’t full of supermodels asking for their greasy hands in marriage.
If people aren’t into you then look in the mirror and figure out why. You don’t have to change everything about yourself, but it can’t hurt to be a bit subjective and pretend to look through the eyes of a stranger. That’s a healthier option than whatever this dude is doing.
Who Said Loyalty Was Dead?
If you’re in a loving and committed relationship, you probably don’t need to be on a dating app. Seeing your partner on one would be a huge shock to anyone! However, how would you have seen your boyfriend or girlfriend on an app if you weren’t also on it? What’s the motive here? Are you mad that they’re looking to cheat, or mad that you can’t be the first to ruin the relationship?
These two probably deserve each other while at the same time shouldn’t be anywhere near the other. We feel bad for anyone that matches with these two geniuses. Seriously, one of them could have at least jumped to a different app or something!
Harassment Isn’t Treating Someone Right
Hey. Hey. Hi. Guess what. This is annoying for us too. Anyone who opens a conversation by machine-gun-firing off a bunch of tiny messages is probably someone you don’t want to be talking to anyway. Then, when a rational person responds by telling them to stop, they act like the victim here. How does that make any sense? Sir, are you sure you’re not the one with an IQ of 6
You’re the one being rude. Doubling down and saying that the other person “lost” a “chance” to be with a “nice guy” is beyond ridiculous. They dodged a massive bullet. Hopefully, they blocked him to prevent any more “polite” messages from being sent.
Are You Ordering A Girlfriend Or a Pet?
People are picky about who they end up with. While not everyone has wildly specific tastes, some people do and it looks like this. This laundry list of requirements reads like some bizarre shopping list for a future serial killer. Why can’t your girlfriend have a best friend, sister, or even a living mother? What’s the tea? Do you not want any witnesses for whatever is it you have planned?
Ladies, if you’re confused about what a red flag looks like, it’s everything on this list. This dude thinks he’s so beautiful that he can’t be with anyone that might be remotely as attractive as he is! There’s no way this person is serious. If they are, then they’re living in a fantasy…or someone else’s nightmare.
Silence Does Not Equal Yes
If you’re flirting with someone and they stop responding, don’t jump to conclusions. This can happen for a variety of reasons. One of them may be that they’re not into you anymore. Guess what? That’s okay. Move on. They clearly have. The worst possible thing you could do is exactly what this person did.
Don’t take silence as an invitation to show up at someone’s house for a surprise date. If they wanted to see you, they would make sure you know. Also, if you’re taking silence as flirting, why are you going to get all upset after a while? You can’t have it both ways, bro!
Gender Stereotypes Are Alive And Well
Ew, gross. This is probably the most toxic and conceited dating profile we’ve seen in a long while. Not only is this woman full of herself, but she also doesn’t think she needs do anything in a relationship because she’s not the “man”. She also thinks all potential suitors should interview themselves and have some deep and meaningful soul-searching session before swiping right.
This profile is so bizarre that we’re starting to think she should probably only be dating herself. The rejection would be a lot easier to deal with. Guys can’t play with filters? No fun pictures? Most of your teeth? What are these requirements?
From Jiggalo To Whatever This Is
Is this guy looking for a date or advertising his business? If we’re supposed to take his post seriously, it sounds like he normally charges ladies for some quality intimate time. However, if you’re blonde with green eyes, he’ll pay you! Is this reverse prostitution? Something doesn’t seem right here. And who’s the lady in this picture?
Did this guy get permission to use her face? There are so many wrong things with this post that we’re more worried about who would actually answer this ad. If he’s truly desperate, he needs to work on his pick-up game, because this isn’t how you find a date or a client.
It’s Not Cute At All
Guys and gals, if someone starts flirting with you and wants to take it to the next level, what’s the reasonable course of action? Yeah, that’s what we thought. Nobody said, “Pull out possibly used underwear and give them to your crush with instructions to wear them”. This is beyond gross and very creepy.
Did this guy at least wash them first? Does he use the same pair for every woman? Please, don’t put on any underwear a stranger presents to you. This is a walking advertisement for everyone to get tested ASAP and to avoid this person like the plague he’s possibly carrying around in his pocket.
That’s Not What Yelp Is For
If you’re in sales, your main job is to sell. Most of the time, that means being nice to customers you may not even like, but you don’t have to do anything with them once that cash register opens. While nearly everyone understands this, this guy seemed to miss that day of school. Sir, leaving bad reviews because an employee won’t flirt with/date you isn’t smart.
It’s not even clever. It just shows off how creepy you are, how professional the salesperson was, and how odd the clientele at this store is. You’re also dragging down their rating with your nonsense “review”. If the store monitors their Yelp page, they better have banned this guy from ever trying to make a “purchase” there again.
Are Stand-By Relationships A Thing?
Listen up folks, some people like to be with people of the same sex. That easy. There’s nothing you can do about it. That’s just how nature is sometimes. The best you can do if the situation bothers you is to ignore it and let people love who they want to love. As long as everyone’s a consenting adult, who cares? Nobody of importance, that’s who.
This guy couldn’t just scroll past these two lovely brides-to-be. Instead, he had to offer his macho masculine service of taking on the job of marrying one of them. Then he was offering to give her fiance to another guy. If this sounds barbaric and ridiculous, that’s because it is.
Do You Need A Mechanic Or A Boyfriend?
Every now and then we all need help from people we may not know. That’s why handymen, mechanics, and other professionals exist. When we can’t do a job, we hire someone who can take care of it for us! There are entire websites, services, and even apps set up to connect people with professionals who know what they’re doing.
Tinder isn’t one of those. This mom sounds like she has a lot on her hands. While it’s great she’s searching for love, it sounds like she needs a daycare, a car mechanic, and a few other helping hands. None of those sound like the job for a potential boyfriend.
That’s A Very Specific Type
Beggars can’t be choosers, but that phrase doesn’t apply to dating apps. When you create an account and start swiping, you can be as specific or broad in your search for love as you want to be. There’s nothing wrong with that. The problems start to come out when you advertise yourself like this. Yes, politics will eventually come up in conversation, but usually not on the first date.
You also don’t need to be this hyper-specific with what you’re looking for. White firefighters who also work as EMTs with no tattoos or recreational plants in their system who also loves dogs and want to be stepdads? That’s a lot to expect from one person.
Do You Want Respectful Or Subservient?
How is it this difficult to understand the definition of respect? This woman was being super kind, very polite, and quite honest with this guy. That was enough to set him off on a nationalist tirade in only a couple of messages. Tell us you’re not racist or xenophobic without using those exact words.
If you need help, just read what this guy said. Apparently, women don’t say no to American men because…why? If anything, this just makes the other American men on that app look like trash just by association. They should band together and make it clear that this loser doesn’t represent them!
Stop Propositioning People Like This
Consent is consent is consent. Never ever, under any circumstances, send nudes to a stranger who doesn’t want them. It doesn’t matter how much you offer to pay them. The answer should always be, “No, and you automatically get rated a zero”. If you can’t even get people to look at you naked without paying them, then take a look at yourself (on the inside) and figure out what’s wrong.
Here’s a hint: it has nothing to do with your body. This person acted a lot calmer than we would have. This Hail Mary wasn’t successful and no saints heard this guy’s desperate prayer. This is all sorts of gross.
That Sounds Like A Date
Dude, no matter how you word it, that’s a date. You wanted to take this woman out on a date and she said no. Why? Because she has a boyfriend and doesn’t want to date anyone else. Asking her out for a quiet and private celebratory dinner isn’t in the cards. This has nothing to do with being her friend.
You described her in only physical ways and said you didn’t even realize she was hanging out with someone else. Stop staring at random people from school and focus on yourself and your studies. Also, how well did you do on that exam? There’s a difference between “i” and “I”. Study harder and stalk less.
When You SHOULD Have Answered?
Is this guy for real, for real? He’s telling potential matches straight-up that they have to answer his messages or else he’ll start spamming and harassing them? Ew. Also, what does gay marriage have anything to do with a straight relationship? If you’re not in a gay relationship, then gay marriage has nothing to do with you.
Maybe he only wants to match with other bigots. That’s not a bad idea. Keep the hateful people together so they don’t infect everyone else with their stupidity. We’re allowed to say it’s stupidity when this dude claims to work at the Krusty Krab. Does a fake business pay enough for you to act like such a psycho?
She Knows What She Wants
Not every date or relationship is meant to be. Some people don’t even partner up to do anything but have fun or take care of business. Ain’t nothing wrong with knowing what you want. This woman isn’t looking for some gross guy to care for. She just wants to be a mom on her own and take care of her own family. Good for you!
That being said, this isn’t a great way to advertise that. She wants a baby donor! Her words, not ours. Not only that, she doesn’t want the father to have any sort of contact or relationship with the kid they’d be helping create. This is weird. At least it sounds like she wants everyone involved to have fun during the process.
Learn To Take The Hint
Bars are a great place to let loose, relax, and maybe meet a potential partner. They can also be an excellent environment to tuck into a good book with a drink and no distractions. Unfortunately, some people don’t get that. This bro thought that just because a woman was minding her own business at the bar he could go over and try to ruin her evening.
Dude, not every lady who goes out wants to talk to you. If you see someone with a book at a bar, just remember: that book is the only thing going home with her. You’re not more interesting than whatever chapter she’s on. Dog ear that fun fact for future reference.
Where Did You Get Those Numbers From?
True love can appear at any time. There’s not some sort of expiration date for when you can find the person you’re destined to be with. This lonely social media poster thinks she’s past the point of finding someone else who hasn’t been in a serious or committed relationship. That’s already a load of hooey.
Then she tosses in the limit for how long someone else should have been in a relationship before they’re passed their prime. The entire post is a confusing mess. Maybe she should relax a bit and wait a while to be with someone. If her future boyfriend ends up lying about his age, she’s going to lose it.
This Is How Cults Start
Recognizing your good personality traits is good. Recognizing the less-than-pleasant parts is a lot better. Some guys can’t even see their faults because they’re too in love with themselves. The only positive thing this guy has going for him is that he’s honest. That doesn’t make him a catch in any way, shape, or form.
He’s so wrapped up in himself the only person he cares to call an equal is someone with such low self-esteem that they’ll listen to his every word. There’s no way he isn’t trying to start some weird commune somewhere. How can he be so honest and so horrifyingly weird at the same time?
Keep On Dreaming That Dream
Writing a letter to Santa as a kid is cute. Writing out your wishlist for a sugar daddy and posting it for the world to see is something else. It’s not cute, though. How unhinged is this person? While some of these things are just about being picky, the body count stands out. Do most people have to think of how many people their potential match has killed?
Shouldn’t it be implied that everyone’s body count is zero and should always be zero? We’re also curious about what kind of lifestyle she thinks she deserves for being so rude and demanding. Also, is there a picture to go with her definition of ugly? Not everyone’s a mind reader!
Yes, Great, Stay Away From Us
Nobody should ever feel compelled to cater to a complete stranger’s whims. This weirdo isn’t looking for a girlfriend. He’s looking for some weird sexual slave who can’t say no or remember how to spell it. This guy’s claiming to be creating opportunities when it sounds like he’s just making uncomfortable chores and duties for a future kidnapee.
You can be punctual without being considered owned. You also don’t have to change anything about yourself to meet a man’s daydreams. Can conversations like this be sent to the Internet police or something? There’s no way someone like this should be allowed to contact other people.
Love Isn’t Spelled That Way
Wouldn’t it be easier to post, “looking to trap someone into a lifetime of misery”? What person would find this arrangement appealing in any way? You don’t need to have a job to be helpful in a relationship. But if you’re not working, shouldn’t you help in some other way?
This lady doesn’t want to work or contribute much of anything. She’s just looking for a boyfriend to make her own life easier. Respect the hustle and all, but who’s following those hashtags with any seriousness? Those emojis aren’t going to make you look any less lazy or terrible.
Yes, YTA In This Situation
Unless you’re in an open relationship, there isn’t much of a reason to be on dating applications. The entire point of those things is to find a partnership or a hookup. If you already have that what else do you use them for? According to this Redditor, they’re fun for window shopping and just scrolling around! He even treats them like a game! What sort of progress does he want to save?
There aren’t awards for maxing out your matches on Tinder or Bumble. They also aren’t games for doing speed runs. This guy’s girlfriend shouldn’t have asked him to delete the apps, she should have left him. It’s clear he just wants to keep scrolling alone.