People Share Their Relationship Red Flags
The dating world is like living in the Wild West, you always have to be on guard. But there are also many great opportunities waiting to be discovered. In the end, we all have the same goal: find one person we’re comfortable cohabitating with. That’s a pretty low bar, but it doesn’t mean it’s always easy clearing it. Once we find someone there are tons of signs to look out for, some good, some bad. You don’t want to end up wasting your time with the wrong person. Certain behaviors signal that it’s time to get out while you can!
People are sharing red flags to look out for in a relationship. Which of these do you agree with?
Not Everyone Needs To Post Online
Stop vaguebooking. Just stop it. Okay, great, we’ve got the public service announcement out of the way. Now that we’re done with the tough love, let’s talk. Social media has helped connect billions of people around the world. We’ve made new relationships, broken off old ones, maybe even bought furniture off of social media. It can be great. Unfortunately, studies also show it’s not healthy for us.
Social media is riddled with people looking for attention. They’ll get it in any way they can. If not, maybe they’ll just spill some secrets that don’t need to be posted. Don’t be one of these people and please don’t include your loved one in it.
Do They Not Mean The Same Thing?
Who doesn’t like being called “beautiful”, “gorgeous”, or “at least a five”? These can all be very sweet affirmations of your partner’s love. It can also show they care about you. Sure, we know not every compliment is welcome. If you don’t know the person it can be creepy. If you’re in a relationship and the person you’re with calls you pretty, that’s sweet, right?
If not, maybe let them know why. If they don’t like it because it’s not as ostentatious as “gorgeous” or “jaw-droppingly beautiful” maybe they’re the one with a problem. Reading too far into a compliment is almost as bad as looking a gift horse in the mouth.
Feelings Are Not Facts, America
A famous drag queen once said that feelings are not facts. When we’re in the middle of an emotional moment we rarely think rationally. In times like these, it’s best to take a deep breath and calm down. Grab a few extra seconds, or minutes, and then make some decisions. If you act out of anger or [insert emotion here], you’re bound to have a bad time.
Regardless if you do or don’t, you’re still responsible for your actions. Telling a partner, or even a friend, that you’re not is a recipe for disaster. It’s time to grow up and act like an adult. If you act like a brat people will treat you like one.
You Can’t Be Responsible For That
Dreaming is a lot of fun. Most of the time dreams are a welcome part of people’s sleepy time. We can do practically anything we want during those fleeting adventures. By the time we regain consciousness, we’re bound to forget a few details. All of this is pretty par for the course with humans. If we’re lucky we can have a great dream where we party with our loved ones.
Not all dreams are good. The occasional nightmare is bound to happen. The thing to remember here is: THEY’RE NOT REAL. You shouldn’t hold anyone accountable for what happens in a dream. If that’s your M.O. maybe a few red flags are flying around for people to see.
Why Not Just Say You Had Nuggets?
We don’t all live exciting lives. That’s more than okay. You don’t have to live in an action movie. You’re not Tom Cruise (unless you are, and if so, hey, what’s up?). Even during the mundane day-to-day nonsense of our lives, we want to sound interesting to others. That’s part of the human condition. Terrible, but we get it. That doesn’t mean we need to stretch out every detail of our everyday routine.
Every now and then we’ll spice up a story. Awesome, keep things interesting. If someone is constantly lying or going over the top with random details about checking the mail, that’s different. Not only does it seem desperate, but why do you need all that extra attention?
Sometimes Good Manners Are Too Much
Being taught to say “please” and “thank you” should be compulsory. Good manners are a requirement for most people and yet nobody has them. If you end up dating someone who has them, hold on tight. Just make sure they’re not too nice. There’s a fine line between being raised with manners, being polite, and being a pushover. Even when not being pushed over, proper communication can falter with overly polite people.
That fear of conflict or wanting to upset people can be pretty damaging. If you don’t want to step on toes, that’s one thing. Not being able to communicate your side or preference is something else entirely different.
Take All Of Their Miles
Work can take us to some pretty crazy places. Sometimes it’s nice to travel on the office’s dime (or Euro, Won, whatever). You get the chance to see new places and maybe even expand your career! Even if it’s not for work you should feel free to travel wherever and whenever. Taking time for yourself is of the utmost importance.
When you’re on vacation maybe your partner decided to surprise you! Yay! That can be fun! Oh, you didn’t want to see them? Why not? Oh…it wasn’t a vacation for alone time? Got it, you’re the terrible one. When they landed hopefully they saw those red flags go up before meeting you at the hotel.
They Need To Take Care Of Themselves
If your partner is from a big, loving family that can be nice. That’s more people to love and to have love you. If your partner is from a big loving family with dependency issues that’s another thing entirely. Some people don’t know when to cut the umbilical cord. We’ve all been in those relationships. If you haven’t, then be thankful.
Unless you like dating two people at once you gotta be careful. Some people just aren’t ready to move away from their parents. This is true even if they don’t live at home. Thankfully, boundaries and good communication can help avoid this problem. If not, tell them you’re not into dating parents and children at the same time.
Your Partner Isn’t Your Coworker
Relationships can start anywhere. We get it. Even in places like the office, people are bound to get close. Others are bound to get way too close. If you want to date a coworker, be smart about it. Also, make sure they’re into you. Some people show up to work just to focus on their job. But if someone is married to their job be aware before coupling up.
They may love you too, but you can only have one marriage at a time. While workaholics have many reasons to stay on the clock, it’s also good to learn boundaries and when to take a break. If you can’t manage that, then a different break may occur and you’ll wind up single again.
Just Turn And Walk Away
Being close and intimate with another human can be a beautiful thing. As time goes on the relationship is bound to get deeper. It’s amazing how much we can learn about another person when living with them. Here’s the thing: You’re not the only person who gets their attention. You may know the most, but you are not the sole keeper of this person.
If anyone you’re with says they are the only one who will ever get you, then they don’t deserve to have you. That’s just borderline creepy and possessive. Besides, why just have one obsessive fan when you can have a community of people who kind of get you. Throw in someone a bit more stable and less clingy and you’re good to go.
Don’t Feel Guilty For Being Social
Who doesn’t love a fun night out? Grabbing a drink or heading to a party with friends is kind of a great way to stay social. It also helps maintain independence in a relationship. Yeah, you and your partner may be an item that’s fine. You’re also your own person. Feel free to be that! It’s already mind-blowing to ask for permission to go out.
Don’t do that (unless you have plans). You should be in charge of yourself and that’s it. If someone knows you’re going out when you have no plans with them, so what? That’s okay. What if they decide to guilt trip you for those plans because they have a problem? No, that’s not okey-dokey at all.
Basic Human Decency Is Necessary
BE NICE TO PEOPLE. That’s it. That’s the lesson. Just don’t be rude and remember your “please” and “thank you” words. Those three TINY things can probably change the course of human history if people try hard enough. Let’s start small. If you’re at a restaurant or coffee shop just treat everyone decently. We know it’s a ground-breaking concept. Relax, we’ll walk you through it.
If someone is taking your order or clearing your table, maybe don’t be terrible to them. It’s not cute or funny (especially in places where tipping is the main source of income). Your date/spouse/partner/pet hamster/whatever is not going to think you’re cool by being nasty to a stranger. There’s no reality where that’s ever a good thing.
Are Y’all On A Schedule?
Everyone has some sort of expectation when going into a new relationship. Maybe they’re looking for love. Perhaps they just want a place to crash for a few months. Hey, whatever it is, live your truth. This doesn’t mean other people want to be part of that reality. That’s the whole point of dating: see if you’re compatible with another person long-term (or just have fun, we don’t care).
In the times of sepia-toned photos, people would sit down with each other and lay out their dating strategy. They would tell the person they liked they wanted to pursue them to date. It was very business-as-usual. Awesome. Nowadays including your marriage timeline isn’t the best opening for the first get-together.
That’s A Bit Specific, But Sure
Who here hasn’t fought with their partner, friend, or a loved one? Oh? Just about all of us? These things happen. Cohabiting with another person that has a completely different view of life is tough. No matter how much you have in common with them, y’all aren’t going to see eye-to-eye every minute of the day. Disagreements and the subsequent passive-aggressive recovery period just need to run their course sometimes.
Proper communication is key to lessening these times and everyone coming out better. What shouldn’t you do after a fight? Probably stick a cockroach in your partner’s coffee. They’ll get weird ideas like you’re poisoning them. That, or, make a mess everywhere you’ll have to clean up.
They Can’t Have It Both Ways
Seeing eye-to-eye on certain topics just can’t be done all the time. It’s frustrating but that’s the truth of the matter. You might feel you’re in the right, but the person living with you may disagree. Those are the chances we take when choosing to live with another person. Every now and then accidents may happen and feelings get hurt. During those moments take a deep breath and talk through what’s happening.
It can do a lot of good. A lot of problems and red flags come from a lack of communication (and/or awareness). Apologize for mistakes you make, that’s fine. Your loved one should be doing the same. That keeps things 50/50 and everyone on the same page.
You’re Part Of The Group
Entering a new relationship can be scary. That’s part of the excitement. Not only do you have a new person in your life, but their friends and families too (if it gets that far). Those early dates are almost like an audition to see if you’re compatible with everyone else. Even if you don’t know everyone, don’t be afraid to jump in and have fun when you’re finally introduced to people.
If your new loved one invites you then be sure to participate (if you’re comfy). People will appreciate it. If your date decides that you’re invisible there’s a problem. You’re just as much of the group as anyone else. If you’re ignored in public are you getting the attention you need in private?
Texting Shouldn’t Be This Stressful
Remember when texting was the big thing? We only had a finite number of minutes and messages in our package. When we got a message it meant something. Nowadays people can send hundreds of messages in an hour. Most are probably just GIFs or TikToks. Even if it’s pretty common now, we still get excited whenever we get a notification. If it’s from someone we love that’s even better.
When those feelings go from happy to nervous then there’s a situation happening. Not every message is supposed to be over-the-top happy or silly (unless it’s a GIF). That doesn’t mean you should be afraid of reading what you’re sent. If you’re constantly getting nervous receiving messages from your partner, what’s really going on?
Piggy Banks Don’t Form Relationships
Working hard and saving money is a pretty standard way to work your way up in the world. We’re all a bit protective of our assets. That’s par for the course. You should be proud of what you’ve earned from working hard. When you choose to combine your life with another person, things should be equal. Be sure to pay your way and do your best.
That goes for the person you’re with, too. They need to be helping. If they don’t, then maybe you’re less of a partner and more of a walking checkbook. Covering the occasional meal is fine. Being your partner’s personal bank account doesn’t make for a healthy relationship.
Do They Leave You On Read?
Phone addiction is becoming a real problem around the world. While smartphones have made things better for us (uh, have you heard about the Internet?) they also have some faults. More and more people are getting glued to their devices. Maybe you’re reading this on your phone. Just don’t do it while driving. There’s a time and place to be tapping away on our screens.
When we need to reach someone we love it’s usually pretty important. We also all know that someone can’t tear themselves away from their phones. What makes things tough to deal with is when they consistently ignore our messages. If they’re typing away all day why can’t they let us know they saw what we sent?
There’s A Line With Self Deprecation
Everyone’s a strong and tough person deep down inside. We guess. Okay, we’re not sure. What we do know is that confidence is key. Walking around like the boss you are can be a great way to advance through life. Sometimes people like the power they get from reclaiming titles that aren’t always positive. There’s a level of power and confidence that comes with that.
That doesn’t mean all labels are good. Regardless of intention, some just stick to people in a bad way. If someone you love is proud of being rude or arrogant that’s not a positive personality trait. Being funny is one thing. Being true to those words is something else entirely.
Are They Just Being Vain?
Who else remembers scrapbooks and photo albums? Anyone? Bueller? Whatever y’all are missing out. Taking, printing, and framing photos was (and still is) a great hobby. What better way to capture a memory of someone you love? Oh, you love yourself? That’s cool too. Confidence is key after all. Who’s that on your phone’s lock screen? Oh, it’s you. What about the home screen? Ah, yep, still you.
Got it. Have you heard the story of Narcissus? Yeah, things didn’t fare well for him. Loving yourself is one thing. Having a shrine of photos dedicated to you, that only you see, feels a bit obsessive. Can someone be obsessed with themselves enough to get their restraining order? What’s the jurisdiction on that?
This Isn’t A Public Party Line
Video calling is a really neat invention. We love that we can have an actual face-to-face conversation even when people are thousands of miles (or kilometers) away. It’s a true marvel of technology. Do you know what else is a marvel? The telephone. Oh, and so are social graces. Combine all those and you get neat concepts like: stop annoying people in public with your personal conversation.
Nobody is interested, we swear. It’s a level of obnoxiousness that some people just can’t seem to understand. Are you currently with someone like this? Are you that person? No, stop. You’re filling up everyone else’s space with your nonsense. Do you talk during movies, too?
Nothing Is Private Anymore
Who doesn’t love throwing a little shade? When we’re with our friends we can’t help but occasionally talk about the latest gossip. It’s not a great trait to have, but it’s inevitable. That just comes with being human and wanting to connect with friends. Even when being shady there’s a line most shouldn’t cross. Of course, be sure to only tell the truth. Even pull out proof when possible. Just be prepared for the consequences.
Just because you share some juicy tidbits with a loved one doesn’t mean they’ll remain secret. The same goes for your own conversations. If your partner is fine sharing their private convos with you for a laugh then they might be comfortable doing the same with yours.
You’re Not Their Personal Babysitter
Many people choose not to date where they work. It’s just common sense and those that do find themselves in a tricky situation. Even when not dating a coworker some people find it hard to get much of anything done when their chosen partner is around. It’s great spending quality time with the ones you love. Don’t get us wrong.
If you’re unable to do much of anything but quality time around your live-in love, then there’s a problem. Are they afraid to let you be on your own in the same room? Maybe they just can’t stand not being the center of attention. There are a lot of possibilities. None of them seem like great signs.
Are You Dating A Superhero?
It’s not uncommon to feel lost from time to time. The world is a massive place. Without a map or GPS, it can be easy to stray down the wrong path. The same can be said about our personal relationships. That’s why it’s great to think things through and maybe even hire a park ranger for some advice before going off on an adventure. If the ranger isn’t available then maybe talking to a future lover is the better option.
Even if you feel a bit lost, it’s up to you to help yourself out. Yes, others can assist, but only when you want. Anyone who magically appears and says they can save you from whatever may not always be the good samaritan they appear to be. Only change for you.
They’re Just Here For The ‘Gram
Social media, for the most part, is not real. Most social platforms that involve a “like” system and filters are almost 100% non-authentic. We all realize this but that doesn’t stop us from obsessing over the popular people on our favorite platforms. These digital games (yes, they’re games) can take a huge toll on how we see the real world. It’s not uncommon to want the lie we think others are living.
These desires can turn into fuel to help us improve ourselves. You need to be mindful that they’re still not real people. Everyone is filtering and nobody is that happy all the time. If the person you’re with can’t realize this or insists you need to be like the people on social media, y’all may be done.
You Gotta Act More Realistic
Debt is not fun. Student loans, mortgage payments, and those terrifying credit cards are just waiting to drag us down. Unfortunately, they’re something we just have to deal with. When we decide to enter a committed long-term relationship our private debts may end up being shared by someone else. If that’s happening, or already has, it’s time to talk. Your debt is part of you. It still does not define who you are.
It most definitely defines how you’re able to spend your money. Nobody wants to be blindsided with a big load of owed cash. If the person you’re with can’t reconcile these things or refuses to admit they’re in debt, they may be hiding other things. That or they’re out of touch with reality.
Your Gut Can Be Right
Always trust your gut. It’s been with you longer than most people. With all that life experience it’s bound to know a thing or two. Surprisingly enough, our guts seem to get a better read on things than we can ever hope to get. If more people listened to their tummies and intestines the world might be a better place.
Whenever you’re in a situation you don’t like, try your best to leave. You deserve to be in a comfortable place as often as possible. If your spouse or whoever can’t realize this then there’s a problem. Why be with someone who doesn’t want you to be comfortable? That doesn’t sound very healthy.
Everyone’s Unique In Their Own Way
You are a beautiful unicorn of a person and nobody can take that away from you. There’s not a single person that’s like you anywhere else on the planet. Even your identical twin is a different human altogether. With the billions on Earth, that’s a huge claim to make. You should be proud of it since it’s 100% true. The more authentic of a life you live the better you’ll probably feel.
That means knowing yourself and being proud of what you know. If you end up with someone who wants to change you, start asking questions. You don’t need to be compared to anyone. Besides, why be with someone who compares you with a former partner?
You’re Not A Living ATM
It’s always a treat when someone else pays for a meal. For one thing, that’s more money in your pocket. It also shows they care about you. Switching things up and paying for them on occasion is also nice. This act of kindness isn’t usually extended to someone’s friends. Generally, they don’t join you on a date. If so, then congrats, you’re a master of a skill we didn’t even know people had.
Most people would see this as a big sign that things aren’t going well. Your friends aren’t the ones in a relationship. Why should they benefit from it? Are some of your friends helping your partner out in other ways that require them to repay everyone?