People Share Things They Believed as Children
Kids have all kinds of questions about the way the world works. Their limited time on Earth makes simple concepts like traffic lights and thunderstorms both confusing and awe-inspiring. Usually, a parent will explain these things to their children, but they’re not always 100% truthful. We’ve all had at least one bizarre belief that we held as a child, whether we came up with it ourselves or had a family member fib to us. Maybe your dad told you the world used to be black-and-white, or perhaps you assumed that all oceans were infested with sharks. There’s no limit to a child’s imagination, and these confessions prove it.
People from around the web are sharing the crazy things they believed when they were kids. Who knows, you might relate to some of the stories on this list!
1. How to Catch a Squirrel
“My dad told me that I could have a pet chipmunk or squirrel if I caught one. He told me the key to catching one was to shake salt on their tail, they would always stop to lick the salt off and then I’d be able to catch it. Not hard to figure out why he told us that…
…because my brother and I would spend hours a day running around the yard with a bucket and a salt shaker. I think the last time I tried was when I was like 9. I never really thought about it again until I was like 15 and it was mind blowing to realize it was all just to keep us busy outside”
-Reddit user _princesspeach3s
2. You’re Gonna Go to Pacifier Jail
“As a toddler, I wasn’t able to be away from my dummy (pacifier for you Americans). One day my mum told me that if I didn’t quit using them, the dummy man would come around during his annual check and take me to jail.
She made me get all my dummies and put them next to the front door on the night of his check in, and when I woke up, I was told that he had collected them all because it was illegal for anyone over the age of 4 to have one. I guess it was for the better but damn, prison?”
-Reddit user Shikusu
3. Sneezes Can Kill
“I spent a lot of time at my cousin’s house growing up. I was super gullible and they loved it. I was probably about 6 or 7 when they got me to believe that if someone sneezes, and no one says “god bless you” to them, that person would die. Didn’t matter if it was a complete stranger or if they sneezed 4 times in a row.
If someone sneezed, you bet I was gonna say god bless you. I wasn’t gonna let those poor people die. Then late one night I sneezed… and no one was awake to say bless you. I panicked and stayed up a good portion of the night wondering when I was going to die… then the next morning I finally realized I had been duped.”
-Reddit user megankb
4. Thinking Tumbleweeds are Alive
“When I was little and lived in Texas, I used to believe that tumbleweeds were not plants at all, but a weird kind of animal sort of like coral. It made sense; how could a plant possibly grow if it’s not rooted in place somewhere? I also imagined they hatched from eggs- big, round, soft things like snake eggs, only the size of beach balls.
Then I learned they actually just start off as regular-looking bushes before drying up and snapping off at the stem to roll around and spread seeds. Guess my mom was right when she said I couldn’t keep them as pets.”
-Reddit user Omny87
5. Literal Eyes in the Back of Their Head
“My parents told me they had eyes in the back of their heads. If I tried to sneak around and steal a cookie (out of a cow cookie jar that actually mooed) and my mom would notice while facing the other way, I would be stumped – how could she tell? Parents being parents of course she told me all parents have eyes in the back of their heads.
I was skeptical, so I regularly tested my parents, but they always either noticed, or had an excuse. Until one day, a couple of years later, my mom was a little busy, and she failed a test when she said “How would I know, I don’t have eyes in the back of my head!””
-Reddit user Endeavour_RS
6. That’s Not How the Presidency Works
“I thought that if you chose to be President of the U.S., it was part of the job description that you would eventually be assassinated. Which made me wonder why anyone would even choose that career to begin with.”
-Reddit user FudgySlippers
“I thought Snoop Dogg was an elected position.
I watched the election with my parents and they explained to me how the president was elected and how we got a new president. A few days later my cousin was babysitting and was watching MTV. He got excited that the “new Snoop Dogg” was on, and I thought he meant the person was the new Snoop Dogg. So I assumed he had been elected just like the president.”
-Reddit user benk4
7. Aggressively Thanking the Subway Driver
“I felt the need to personally thank the driver of the subway train every time we took it. I thought it would be rude and impolite to not do so. It must have been so embarrassing for my mom. The driver cabin had tinted windows and I demanded the driver lower them so I could thank him.
Similarly, I was taught to give my seat to the elderly or pregnant women. One time, as soon as the door opened and an old-looking man entered the wagon, I bolted from my seat and ran to him, grabbed him by the hand, and brought him to the empty seat. Thank god I didn’t do that to a fat lady or my mom could have died from embarrassment.”
-Reddit user conquer69
8. He Just wanted the Ghostbusters Computer Game
“I was fortunate enough to have a computer when I was growing up back in the early 90s. We had a few games on floppy disc that I played all the time but I always wanted more. One day my dumb ass thought “if I just scribble out the name of the game on the disc and write the name of the game I want…that should do the trick!”
I told my dad about my idea and he just shook his head. I wasn’t discouraged though. I grabbed a pen and scribbled “ghost busters” on a copy of some flight simulator game, popped it in, and fired it up. I was disappointed. I’m also still not a smart man.”
-Reddit user katastrophyx
9. Convinced She Was Born a Beagle…Yes, Really
“My parents thought it would be hysterical if they made me believe I was a puppy. They took down every single baby picture of me and replaced them with beagle pictures to prove it to me. So for the first like 8 years of my life, I believed I was born a beagle puppy…
…and I left suspicious puddles and smelled funny when I was wet, so mom had God’s cell phone number and asked him to turn me into a little girl when I turned 2. Which in kid’s brain, is pretty logical. I mean, I didn’t remember before I was 2 did you?? So yeah. Spent a while believing I was a beagle”
-Reddit user curiousredhead14643
10. Paralegal Isn’t What You Think
“I grew up with a grandmother who was in a diving accident as a young girl. As such, she was relegated to a wheelchair for the rest of her life. Long story short I had a paralyzed grandmother. When I was old enough to ask what she did for work, I was told she was a paralegal.
This being around the time I was learning how prefixes worked in words I heard para, and legal. Thus my young brain made the brilliant connection and all the way until I was 14 years old, I lived believing that a paralegal was a lawyer in a wheelchair.”
-Reddit user goodgravybatman
11. Meatballs Grow on Trees
“My mother convinced me that meatballs grew on trees. I got sent to the principal for the tantrum I pulled and there was an emergency parent-teacher meeting over this. Backstory: My aunt had a tree that grew this brownish textured fruit the size of a small bouncy ball that from a distance looked like meatballs.
This tree was protected by a giant wasp nest. My mother and aunt got drunk and convinced me that the wasps protected and ate the meatballs off the tree and that you harvested them like honey, putting the wasps to sleep and gathering them quickly. I fell for it hook line and sinker and about a month later threw a tantrum at my teacher.”
-Reddit user HiddenMica
12. If You Swallow a Watermelon Seed…
“My grandpa told me that if you swallowed watermelon seeds, a watermelon vine would grow out of your ears. One day I did actually swallow a seed and spent a very long time afterward trying to look in my earhole in the mirror to see if there was a vine growing. Turns out, it’s pretty tough to see in your earhole in a mirror, so I was left to my imagination and totally thought one was growing in there.”
-Reddit user jraygun13
“When I was a kid I ate a yellow flower, and my siblings told me I was going to turn into a flower. I cried about it to my mom because I was convinced I would have to go be a flower outside for the rest of my life.
-Reddit user Ge0Dad
13. Your Father is a Pirate
“My dad had a lot of gold jewelry and when I asked him where he got all of it he replied, “I’m a pirate”. After intense questioning from me I was sold. Went to school the next day and of course bragged to everyone that my dad was a pirate, duh. My teacher questioned me and from what I heard, I became extremely defensive and told her “you have no idea what you’re talking about”…
My mom got a call from my teacher that night, saying she was deeply concerned about my “overactive” imagination and that they should look into therapy for me. To this day, I have never seen my father laugh as hard as he did that day.”
-Reddit user gottalovebacon69
14. Not a Literal Marathon
“When I was a kid there was a Pokémon marathon on tv. Sadly, it’d start when I was at school. My older sister used to take me to school while my parents went to work. She let me skip school that day. She let me watch Pokémon and she was in the living room listening to music. About an hour in she popped in to see how I was and she caught me crying my eyes out.
Apparently, a tv marathon just meant a shitload of Episodes. I thought it meant that there’d be a huge fucking Pokémon race. It’s the biggest disappointment of my life.”
-Reddit user Finito-1994
15. The “Special Cuddle” That Makes Babies
“That babies were made by a “special cuddle” between a man and woman. Spent ages refusing to hug my dad or any male family member, saying loudly “I can’t cuddle you, you’ll get me pregnant!!”… made for a few awkward moments in public and family gatherings for my parents! Mum had to quickly clarify that these special cuddles only resulted in a baby between married people.
To clarify, I was about 4. Mum was pregnant with one of my sisters and I think the “special cuddle” line was them trying to explain how my sister came to exist in her tummy”
-Reddit user redlady1991
16. This Kid Did Not Understand Sarcasm
“I grew up with a mother who does not, under any circumstances, understand how to use sarcasm. So when other people were being sarcastic, I always thought they were being dead serious. Let’s just say it made for some rather hilarious misunderstandings. Like when my great-uncle came up the driveway and said he was there to “steal the house and take it away with him”
“I in a complete panic ran as fast as my tiny tiny legs could carry me, in to warn the other grown-ups, and they REFUSED to take this VERY REAL EMERGENCY seriously; and I just gave up and thought to myself “alright then, I tried to warn you, not my fault when he runs off with your house, suckers.”
-Reddit user Roux_Harbour
17. Looking for the Mini Satellite that Makes the Internet Work
“My sister convinced me that when we connected to the internet (you know in the old days with a modem that did weird screech sound effects) a small satellite got launched away from our roof up into space. That’s why the Internet is so expensive because we have to pay for fuel.
I believed it and every time somebody used the internet I ran out looking for a satellite take off. I think I did 4-5 times before my parents asked what I was doing. They then explain my sister had goofed me. They still joke about it. Yesterday I was watching the sky (to see if it was raining) they asked if I was looking for internet satellites”
-Reddit user moopey
18. The Special Money Card
“That whenever you needed money you could just walk up to a cash dispenser and get it. I honestly didn’t get why people would live in poverty when such a great solution was available. I told my friends in Poland (where I was born back in the early 90’s there were no cash machines) that was why the Netherlands was such a rich country.”
-Reddit user Dutchdachshund
“When I was about 7, I threw a tantrum because my mother refused to buy me a super expensive lego set. I was screaming “Just show the lady your special money card !!” thinking that whenever she showed her credit card, she got anything she wanted for free.”
-Reddit user Wogachino
19. The Monsters are Stuck Inside the TV
“I had siblings much older than myself. As a result, I was exposed to many horror movies when I was very young. In order to help me sleep at night, my mother told me that the monsters were “stuck in the TV.” Maybe not the best thing to tell a tiny child.
After that, I believed that the things I saw on the TV were physically contained inside, and that we were separated by only a thin glass window. After being tucked into bed, I would sneak in and change the channel to an infomercial or a late-night comedy or talk show, so that if the people came out of the TV they wouldn’t be scary.”
-Reddit User Kittenclysm
20. Glenn Close Isn’t Evil in Real Life
“I didn’t understand what “acting” was as a child, so I firmly believed that anytime someone was a bad guy in a movie, they were a bad guy in real life. My logic was that the bad things that happen to a villain at the end of the movie couldn’t happen to “good” people. I just assumed that any bad guy in a movie was just plucked straight out of prison.
This led to me having a fear of Glenn Close as a human being for most of my childhood after I watched the live-action 101 Dalmatians. I remember thinking, “they wouldn’t bake her into a cake if she was a good person in real life.””
-Reddit user Aristophan
21. Digestion is Like a Conveyor Belt
“When I was around 4 or 5, I would put my hand to my chest and feel my heart beating. I thought this was how my food got smashed up; like there was a conveyor belt inside my body smashing food. I was eating cereal once and I was 100 percent convinced I had eaten a fly.
Kind of gross but oh well. But later that afternoon, while I was watching tv, my eye started to twitch. Then I remembered the fly. I thought that I had a fly stuck in my head and it was trying to get out. And I thought all food was stored in my belly button before I went to the bathroom.”
-Reddit user Benny_Bangaroo
22. Don’t Hang Your Arm Off the Edge of the Bed
“That parts of the floor ceased to exist once I was in bed, and instead became portals to another dimension where monsters live. Not big furry things, like Sully, but more like the guy on Pan’s Labyrinth with eyes in his hands- scaly and long-limbed compared to their bodies.
I thought that if I put any body part over the edge of the bed, it was fair game. Even my hair was a no-go, cause if it got a good enough hold, it could drag me right out of bed. So I’d lay there in the dark, terrified to fall asleep and accidentally lay my hand over the edge where it could get bit off.”
-Reddit user Blinded-Ink
23. The Tiny Men that Work the Turn Signal
“Once when I was little I asked my parents how the turn signal in the car knew which way you were gonna turn (I never really noticed them flick the signal handle)… they explained to me that there were little people who lived inside the car hood & worked the signal.
They also convinced me that you could tell the little people which way you were gonna turn to activate the light…so I’d say “TURN LEFT!” and the left turn signal would go on (I again never saw my parents tap the handle). I believed this for a good part of my childhood.”
-Reddit user abootypatooty
24. Ice Monkeys Live in the Freezer
“My grandparents had a fridge with an automatic ice dispenser in it. Grandpa told me the ice that came out when I pressed the lever was thrown down by a monkey that lived inside the freezer. I imagined a tiny white gorilla throwing the ice cubes down Donkey Kong style.
Grandma found me standing in front of the freezer with the door open, peering inside. She asked what I was doing and I told her I was looking for the ice monkey. To this day I still think of automatic ice dispensers in fridge doors as “ice monkeys”. One of these days I’m gonna find that sucker.”
-Reddit user linuspickle
25. Don’t Touch Your Eyeball, Your Finger Will Go Right Through It!
“I believed that eyeballs weren’t solid. I thought if I, or anyone else, tried to touch my eye, their finger would easily pass into the eyeball. I don’t remember at what age I learned that these ideas were incorrect. This revelation would have occurred some time early in grade school.
Until I resolved to wear contact lenses in high school, I remained afraid to touch my eyes, in spite of their being relatively solid. I also was afraid for my former eye doctor to touch my eyes, causing him to say I was the most difficult patient he’d ever fitted with contacts.”
-Reddit user beelzebubblebutt
26. Words Aren’t Always That Literal
“I used to think “Cornwall”, as in the place in England, was an actual city just surrounded by a wall of corn. I am not sure why I took the name literally, or how I imagined such a place would be practical. I used to think that ladies hand bags were “ham bags”. I imagined having a bag to keep your ham in was very convenient and never understood why my mother kept her purse and keys and things in it instead of ham.
I used to believe pigs “laid” sausages as chickens lay eggs. I was surprised when I learned they actually killed the pig, but not enough to stop eating sausages.”
-Reddit user BonzoTheBoss
27. Baby Cheese!
“My mom is Catholic. I remember her taking me to church one day as a very young kid. Probably age 3 or so. She pointed to a painting high up on the wall and asked me, “Do you know who that is?” But I misheard what she said next, “that’s baby Cheese!” Obviously, it wasn’t baby cheese, it was baby Jesus.
Fast forward a year or two and I’m attending kindergarten in a catholic school. There we are all sitting in a circle, and the teacher pulls out a copy of that exact painting from the church and asks, “who can tell me who this is?” I GOT THIS! “THATS BABY CHEESE!””
28. A Literal Piercing Gun
“I got my ears pierced for my 10th birthday, and in the weeks leading up to it my mom would tell me things like, “It won’t hurt too bad, they use a piercing gun now, you just have to be careful not to move too much.” So, naturally, I was under the impression I’d be sitting in a chair, and the piercer person would be standing like 50 feet away with a handgun loaded with earrings instead of bullets…
…and the reason I had to sit still was so the earring wouldn’t hit my skull/brain instead. The amount of anxiety I had walking into the mall the morning of my birthday.”
-Reddit user catladygetsfit
29. The Window Handle Police is Comin’ for Ya!
“I was something like 5 when I was turning one of those handle things that made the window open. But then I accidentally pulled the handle off which is honestly really easy to do and you can just put it back on. Of course, my dad tells me that the window police are gonna come arrest me now.
It stuck in my head for a while so I started watching out the front window when I saw a mail truck pulling up. So now I think the actual fucking window police detected a pulled-off handle and were coming to arrest me so I ran upstairs and hid in the closet for like half an hour.”
-Reddit user C0mpl
30. Conspiracy: Cows Can’t Actually Move
“When I was little, my mom would drive us by a farm on our way to and from school. In the fields, there were usually a bunch of cows. Now cows aren’t the most active animals on the planet. Whenever we drove by they would just stand there and not even move except to maybe lower their heads to eat some grass.
My little child’s brain figured that cows were unable to walk and so the farmers had to bring them out to the pasture every morning to eat. I kinda pictured it like they would stack cows on dollies and roll them out. My dad still teases me about it.”
-Reddit user Insomniacwithnolife