Nightmares from Working in Retail
Working in retail is a rite of passage for most. It’s our first job during the summers to pay for a car. Nearly nothing about it aside from the paychecks kept us coming back every day. It wasn’t that the tasks were too difficult. It was the fact that customers can be the absolute worst. People think they have free run of any store they walk in. It’s a mystery why you can buy anything except common decency. Despite all the pain we just have to laugh. If not we’re destined to have yet another mental breakdown in the dairy aisle.
Take five, run to the break room, and let us know how many of these retail nightmares you’ve experienced during your shift!
You Can’t Swap Things Out
Trying on clothes is a fun and disgusting way to rub sample clothes worn by thousands of others. Sorry if you’re only realizing it now. Yeah, go shower, we’ll be here when you get back. Great welcome back. As we’re saying: we still do it. How else will we know what the clothes look like? It’s a risk we have to take for beauty.
The thing is, you’re only supposed to TRY ON the clothes. You don’t live in them for a bit. That’s called buying them. You’re also not supposed to just swap your old shirt for a fresh one. That’s not how stores work. That doesn’t mean someone won’t try.
Princess Frazzles Is Very Discerning
Our pets can be picky eaters, and it’s nice that there are growing food options for them. The problem is that their tastes can change on a dime. It’s annoying if you’re buying their food in bulk. What are you supposed to do? You could always ask them what flavor they’d like. You can also just bring them to the store! Let your kitten try all of the cans.
Don’t even worry about paying for them, they’re samples. Right? No, but go on, see what happens. If a customer has reached the stage of bringing their pet in to sample food what do you do? That’s one of those situations you just back slowly away from.
Our Competitor Doesn’t Even Know You
Parents should never compare kids to each other. That’s just wrong and belittling. Customers also should never compare massive chain stores to one another. It’s annoying and pointless. The point of a free market is that businesses compete for your money. There’s no shadowy council deciding the prices of toilet paper and yoga mats. If that were the case why aren’t there ever enough cashiers when we need them?
If you’re not happy with the price somewhere then go elsewhere. Things like malls exist for this very reason. Everyone wins in that scenario. You get something for cheaper and retail employees have less of a headache.
Cheap Hoodies Aren’t That Serious
Black Friday may be the worst holiday ever imagined. Shoppers are typically tired and irritable. The retail employees forced to work are tired and irritable. All of this takes place before the sun rises immediately following Thanksgiving. Nothing in this situation is safe or fun for anyone involved. People are rushing to score dirt-cheap Christmas items.
Possibly also to see how many other people they can trample over. If Highlander and Mad Max had a baby and turned it into a holiday, this would be it. Imagine coming into work at three in the morning and seeing this waiting at your front door. This could be a scene from any zombie movie.
Please Check All Of Your Pockets
Hand-wrapping expensive stuff takes a certain level of skill. You have to be nimble enough to make sure everything’s protected. You gotta be able to tape it just right, too. After a few times, it’s like riding a bike. That doesn’t make it any less tedious. When a customer wants a wrapping job done you have to be careful. Make sure everything is just right.
It’s also best to make sure they have their keys and cards secure. If you’re both careless then you may be doing this job a couple of times over. Don’t forget what they say: the customer is always right until proven wrong. Whoever said that was also really dumb.
Do You Need That Much?
Lotion, toothpaste, and daily crying in the shower after work all have something in common: they’re best in moderation. A little goes a long way. That’s why we all have that one bottle of lotion for over a decade that never seems to run out. With winter coming up things are going to get chappier. Some people may need more than one drop to keep themselves moisturized.
The funny thing about lotion is that once it’s out of the tube it can’t go back in. If you’re feeling shifty and want to cop a free dollop, don’t pretend you’re the Hulk. Now someone’s day is a bit worse because they had to clean this goopy mess up.
That Looks Like A Cave Dweller
There aren’t many worse things than having to use a gas station bathroom. A superstore bathroom is close. The monstrosities that happen in those make us queasy. However, they’re there for people to use. So used they shall be. The contraptions customers put together to avoid touching the toilets are almost like art. Unlike art, someone is cleaning up after the artist.
If you’re responsible enough to go potty on your own then you have to clean up. Retail employees are not your personal servants. Neither are bathroom attendants. That’s for an entirely different article. Point of the matter: stop being gross and clean up after yourselves.
Target Is Known For Wicked Mad Keggers
All of us have broken a few rules in our time. You know that unspoken one about not eating in a store? We’ve all done it despite knowing we shouldn’t. Every now and then (yeah, okay, more than once) we get hungry while shopping. It’s not great but we deal with it. Grab a snack, nosh while we shop, then pay for the tub of popcorn we devoured during a ten-minute trip in the store.
But at least pay for your choices. Sure, you’ll get a few weird looks. Everyone kind of gets it. The most important thing to remember is that you HAVE TO PAY FOR WHATEVER YOU OPEN. Don’t be gross. Nobody wants a three-pack of beer.
Stop Messing Up Hard Work
We take stores for granted. Sure, tons of them are price-gouging and their labor practices are iffy at best. The work that goes into keeping them running is commendable. The branch employees aren’t in charge of the big decisions. When they get the chance to be creative they may go all out. It’s fun to make an impressive display and see people enjoy it.
Maybe you just got a great pattern down. Either way, take pride in your work! But it also really bites when someone decides to ruin it for no reason. Sure, it’s not a museum. That doesn’t mean your effort shouldn’t be appreciated.
That Does Not Belong There
It’s not a real baby. We repeat: that’s not a real baby. Okay, everyone take a deep breath. We jumped the first time we saw this one as well. Now that the shock is gone let’s dive in. Who here has any idea why this would happen. Anyone? Anyone at all? Exactly, because this isn’t how stores work. A mannequin has no business being in a freezer.
That’s just wasting valuable Hot Pocket space. Whoever decided that this was funny was wrong. It’s mildly infuriating. Not only have they taken up space for questionable food, but they’ve separated a family. Some terrified mannequin is looking for their child. Nobody has any concern for others while shopping anymore.
Don’t They See Us Sweeping?
Some stores are open all day every day. It doesn’t matter the hour or holiday, it’s there when you need it. Those people stuck there are in a special kind of pain. For all other stores with set hours, who doesn’t love closing time? The satisfaction of locking the door is so perfect. Seeing the dismayed faces of people arrive without planning.
Their fault, not yours. After a while, those customers learn. Just like raptors in Jurassic Park, they caught on to the system. If they arrive before closing they have to be served. Sure, it’s forty-five seconds before close. That doesn’t mean jack. They made it. We understand your pain too.
This Isn’t Your Home Closet
Dressing rooms make us feel kind of glamorous. We get our little changing closet, and when we’re ready we can catwalk it out in front of other customers! What’s not to love about trying on overpriced merchandise? If you’re at a fancier store they even have someone there to fold and put things back up. Isn’t that great service?
If that person isn’t at a store we’re in we just drop things on the ground. Right? Wrong. Stores are not your homes. Also, if this is how you treat clothes at home we need to talk. If it came from a hanger it goes back to a hanger. If it was folded then it gets folded back.
It’s Horrifying
Spills happen. They’re not fun to deal with, but we understand it comes with the retail territory. On the daily, a couple of small-time things will need to be mopped up. Those are predictable. They’re only horrifying when they’re totally preventable. Let’s look at the crime scene. An entire wall of olive oil crashed to the ground.
Someone must have wanted that one specific bottle on the bottom. You know what, look at the potential guilty party in the back acting surprised. We see you, ma’am. No, it’s fine. We’ll clean it up. What else do you do in this situation? Quitting for something that pays more could be a great solution.
Those Are Not Free Samples
Working in the tech department is kind of fun. You get to spend all day in that circular (or square) playpen. There’s not a lot of walking. You also get to watch the same three-minute television demo all day on fifty different screens. Electronics day was the best! What it lacked in worth it made up for in the lack of food. Customers just don’t understand how food works in stores.
They’ll pick up and eat anything. And it’s not only food. Some people just wander stores looking for anything they can grab. It doesn’t have to be edible. It doesn’t even have to be useful. Why not just grab a few spare keyboard keys during your lap to the garden center?
It’s Not A One-Stop Shop
The fun part about shopping for groceries is what comes after. All the different ingredients can make tons of yummy dishes. One of our favorites is really simple: cereal. You grab some cereal, milk, and a bowl. Mix that together and you have breakfast! The kicker is that you can do it all from the comfort of your home.
You don’t even have to make anything out in the open. You definitely don’t have to make it in the aisle of the store. If this is a radical concept for you, we’re sorry. Here’s another: we think this is against store policy. Are you licensed to make food in the grocery store? That’s what we thought.
Please Remember To Be Kind
After years of fighting and debating, office workers around the world get to take off for major holidays. It’s a tradition in the corporate world to have a party then bounce for a few days. Well, where do you get the supplies for the holiday party? Oh yeah, the other place that’s open 24/7 regardless of what day it is.
It’s getting harder and harder not to make eye contact with our cashier during these times. Everyone deserves time off to recharge and relax. But until we stop shopping the stores won’t get the hint. This year don’t forget to be extra nice and understanding to retail employees during the holidays.
Cashiers Aren’t Paid For Therapy
We all need someone to talk to now and then. Humans are social animals. When things get too hard some of us end up oversharing. That’s fine if you’re around family. The checkout line isn’t a great place to unpack your baggage. The underpaid cashier is probably wholly unqualified to listen to your troubles. In this economy maybe they’re a former therapist. Who knows?
Roll the dice and see what happens. Just be prepared for everyone in the area to be uncomfortable. Remember, shopping is a personal activity and not a group therapy session. If you’re a retail worker that’s been stuck in this situation, how’d it go? We bet your own therapist was fascinated.
This Is Not Amazon, Ma’am
The customer is always right. How many times was this line thrown at you in some form while working retail? Customers can go from dumb to dumb and rude real fast. We understand some things are harder to find than others. That’s how rarity works. With today’s shopping accessibility, some people forget that specialty stores still exist.
You can’t walk into a shoe store looking for makeup. Okay, you can. Go for it. It’ll make for a great surveillance viral video later for us to laugh at. When shopping you still have to use some common sense. At the very least try and read the room before asking dumb questions.
Starbucks Isn’t An Alchemy Lab
Coffee comes in many different varieties these days. When we were kids it was either instant or whatever the other option was. Now you practically have to have a degree in brewology to make the perfect cup. There are just so many types. How do you keep up with every option available? There’s got to be a newsletter to keep people informed.
That doesn’t mean the barista can’t get confused from time to time. Some orders make no sense whatsoever. What’s an iced hot coffee? What steps do you take to make one? The coffee is brewed first, then you add the ice? The other way just seems silly.
Nobody Touch, Stephanie Called Dibs
What was your favorite toy growing up? For some, it’s a truck, for others it’s a ball. When we have a special toy we like to keep track of it. The best way to do that is by writing our names on it. Marking your stuff lets the world know that particular thing is ours. A receipt is also a good way to do that.
If you don’t have that, maybe go back to grade school rules. You won’t be allowed to take that basketball home. At least other shoppers know not to mess with it. Good job looking out for what’s yours, Stephanie. That’s called planning ahead for the future. Just don’t swap your beloved, old ball out with a new one without paying.
The Building Isn’t Growing New Doors
None of us look where we’re going one-hundred percent of the time. It takes a lot of energy to be aware of our surroundings all of the time. If we’re being honest, we have a trick to avoid this. Sometimes we just go on muscle memory. We also have one more confession to make: our muscle memory is terrible. Every now and then a customer may think they remember where they’re going.
Every now and then they turn out to be wrong. It’s hard not to laugh in a situation like that. However, retail is all about professionalism. That, or getting people in and out as quickly as possible. Retail employees aren’t licensed contractors for immediate demo work.
Why Are They Like This?
We get it. Sometimes we get into a big shopping mood. Maybe we forgot the fridge was empty. Perhaps there was a sale. There are a lot of reasons to stock up from time to time. Don’t you hate it when you’re in the middle of a panicked frenzy and it vanishes? It’s a rare but weird situation. Most of the time it’s either because the store is closing or we remember to check our bank accounts.
If it’s the second option then there are two ways to handle this. You can calmly put everything back, as most normal humans would do. If that doesn’t sound appealing then you could just leave everything inconveniently in one place. Now someone else can worry about it.
Nobody Gets Any New Material
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, that was a riot! Did you think of that yourself? We swear we’ve only heard it less than a million times. Have you heard the one where you pay us for stuff and we give you a piece of paper that says you purchased it? The best part comes after: we part ways. There are thousands of shoppers around making the same joke.
Maybe if enough of y’all come together you’ll get a Netflix special where you all say the same thing over and over for ninety minutes.? Does Netflix have that in the works? It better be called “It Must Be Free”.
Who Thought This Was A Daycare?
There’s not a single thing in this photo that’s acceptable. Just because something is full of toys doesn’t mean they need to all be played with at the same time. Who allows their kids to do something like this? The level of disrespect is ridiculous. Who’s going to restock all of that? The kids? The puzzle isn’t even finished!
It’s just in pieces all over the floor. Did someone think there was in-store daycare available? Where is this? At least the kid in the back seems to have found something they like. But someone needs to clean their room and toy aisle.
It Wasn’t Funny Yesterday Either
Working in retail is kind of like being in a video game. You’re not the main character. You’re the non-playable shopkeeper that says the same five things over and over. Sounds like fun? Too bad, that’s your job. When a customer approaches they can sound pretty robotic, too. It’s like they’re only capable of saying the same couple of jokes or asking one of two questions.
This one isn’t the most annoying. At least it’s a classic. The problem is that we don’t get paid enough to not roll our eyes. Sometimes people lack observational awareness. Maybe leave the comedy acts to the professionals.
It’s An Unforeseen Job Hazard
Retail work is pretty strenuous. Customers have a skewed view of employees. In reality, there’s a lot of physical labor involved. Some of it is back-breaking. The lesser offenses are just as nightmarish. You’d think papercuts would be more common in an office. You’re wrong! Imagine waking up every day and knowing you’re going to get a ton of scratches.
That’d be pretty rough. Your pets may even get jealous. They don’t understand you haven’t been in a fight with some other animal. The next time you’re out shopping maybe be gentler with the employees. Offer them lotion. Or, better yet, make the transaction as painless as possible.
How Do You Really Feel?
Pokemon cards were the coolest things to have during recess back in the day. Y’all know it and so do we. They transformed a normal playground into a wasteland of gambling and fighting circles. Man, middle school was fun. But those things accumulate fast. They’re also pretty pricey. If you weren’t into them that’s fine.
But you don’t need to take out your anger by flushing them. Besides, those aren’t too biodegradable. Now someone has to clean up after your temper tantrum. If you’re the type of person who does this in a store bathroom we just have one question: what’s it like to never feel remorse?
Perhaps This Was A Market Test
Everyone deserves, nay, has the right to have usable pockets on their clothes. It’s baffling that some pants have fake pockets or mini-compartments that can’t hold anything. What happened to the day when you could stuff garbage in your pocket without it hanging out? They just don’t make clothes like they used to. Do you know what else hasn’t changed in the last thirty years?
The rule of not putting trash in random pants on the rack. This is gross on a lot of levels. For one: someone may want to buy those pants. Two: that’s not where your trash goes. Third: What barn were you raised in where this is okay? This isn’t even a clever way to hide that, you just snacked and ran.
Those Playlists Make Us Feel Old
Many people don’t pay much attention to the music that plays in a store. The light atmosphere blends together under the fluorescent lighting. If you listen close enough you’ll hear a few jams playing in the aisles. Your favorite tunes from your childhood are now classic enough to count as intercom music. If you pay extra close attention you’ll notice something else.
The same songs are playing all of the time. This isn’t local radio. Most stores have their own soundtracks and playlists so they can control the ads that play between songs. Ugh, that just made classic rock of the early ’00s sound terrible and dull.
Treat People Like People Please
People at work are still people. If someone came into your office/warehouse/cave and started talking to you, you’d expect respect. Right? Hopefully. We’re not sure how you conduct your business. Most people would like to be treated as they treat others. It’s kind of a golden rule or whatever. You’d have to be a pretty special person to think you can walk into a store and treat someone like a pet.
Nobody does tricks on command or responds to pet names. It’s understandable you’d get upset if someone did that to you. Not nice, is it? No? Okay, so don’t do that to others. You’d think we’re being funny, but some people are getting this tip for the first time.