Tumblr Posts We Can’t Get Over
Tumblr is a blogging website launched in 2007 that is known for having a truly unique sense of humor. The way its users share their stories, tell jokes, and describe experiences can range from funny to extremely bizarre. If you’ve ever seen a funny post from Tumblr, you probably noticed there was something surreal or totally random about it (and sometimes it’s even both!).
But no matter what style of humor, Tumblr posts usually have us rolling on the floor laughing with tears in our eyes. There’s just something about that kind of comedy that you can’t find anywhere else, in real life or online.
We’re bringing you the best in Tumblr humor, just try not to burst out laughing at some of these!
The Dream is Collapsing!
One person’s failed panoramic is another person’s dream collapsing. If you haven’t seen the movie Inception, this photo highly resembles the scenes where the main characters are infiltrating a person’s dream. When the dream begins to collapse it looks a lot like this picture!
We think this “failed” panoramic looks totally awesome, and we’re sure the people on Tumblr can agree with us! Sometimes our failures turn out to be even better than our successes. Who knew we could learn such deep, philosophical lessons from the internet?
Adopt Don’t Buy….Roombas?
We all know that it can be a lot more cost effective to buy things second hand than brand new. However, we’re not sure if getting a used Roomba counts as “adopting”, no matter how smart of a device they are. Also, who breeds Roombas?!
We guess that if you’re thinking of appliances in these terms, the factories the Roombas are produced at would be considered breeders. However it’s more of a manufacturing process, there is no mating of these intelligent vacuums (obviously). We hope this person ended up getting the machine they wanted in the end.
The Mastermind Behind the IKEA Plot
This has got to be one of the most brilliant but also evil plots we have ever seen on the internet. We’re not sure it would actually work, but the mastermind behind it truly has a creative brain, and we have to commend them for that.
Now the comparison to the anti movie downloading ads? It’s simply brilliant, we can’t think of a better time to call back to that old commercial. It’s made all the funnier by throwing in one of IKEA’s weird furniture names. So tell us, WOULD you download a YPPERLIG?
When There’s a Law Made Because of You
Just Shower Thoughts is a Tumblr account that posts all the things we knew that we thought, but never actually put into words. Little insightful nuggets that make us go, “huh, I never thought of it that way!”. However, it looks like this Shower Thought wasn’t 100% accurate, as the user below proved.
We’re very curious to know why this user’s great great uncle caused that tractor law to be instituted in Kansas. We are sure it would make an excellent story, if anyone knows what it is then you are more than welcome to share!
Is There a Reptile Behind that Computer Screen?
The conspiracy theories start here. After all, who else would enjoy sitting and touching warm rocks so much that they would post about it on Tumblr? Clearly, the original poster has to be a reptile. Most likely a lizard or an iguana because they have fingers.
Kidding aside, it’s these types of descriptions of visceral feelings that people love about Tumblr. Especially since they so often spiral into absurdity like in the post above. Of course, not without the help of the surreal minds of Tumblr users coming together to create this kind of funny content.
The Brain Wants the Smooth Rock
This post describes something that we’re sure all of you have felt before. It’s such a weird and indescribable sensation, yet one that is universal to us all. Haven’t you ever seen a rock that was so smooth and perfect that you picked it up and kept it for no explainable reason?
It’s like the way a cat is attracted to a laser beam, there is no explanation for it. It is simply the brain seeing something shiny or exciting and compels you to go towards it. Some people give into their rock desires so much that they have whole collections at home!
We Represent the Office of Kitten Lawyers
Graphic design is everything, clearly, this sign maker missed the mark. That or Tumblr user dizzyotter has an incredibly weird way of looking at signs. We’re inclined to think the sign maker is at fault, we also thought that the kittens were the lawyers in this scenario.
We have to question whether or not these kittens would actually be half bad at representing themselves in court. They may not be able to make the most convincing arguments, but maybe their cuteness would be good enough to win the jury over to their side. Give the kitten lawyers a chance!
Is this REALLY the Official Account of NASA?
I have my doubts as to whether this is the official Tumblr account of NASA. Now that I think about it, I’m not even sure that NASA is an active user of Tumblr! Whoever is running this account appears to be terribly misinformed about the actual number of stars in the sky. I’ve never taken an astronomy class but I’d bet that there are a BIT more than 7 stars in the sky.
I don’t know who is behind this fake NASA account but it might do them some good to visit a planetarium sometime, then they’ll be able to count the number of stars for themselves. Otherwise, they might continue to misinform Tumblr users and we’ll have an entire generation of people who think there are 7 stars in the sky.
What if Rain But Too Much?
It seems that rain is a popular subject of discussion on Tumblr.com. But instead of long rains, it seems like this user is pondering the idea of rain falling in one single sheet, a concept that sounds frightening at best. Looks like dr quantum is giving the OP a reality check!
We guess we have to be thankful for science, and air resistance! We greatly appreciate not being crushed to death by a sheet of precipitation every time there’s rain outside. Three cheers for the balance of nature, hip hip hooray!
Sleeping with Socks? Or BECOMING a Sock?
Teamwork on Tumblr always makes for the funniest posts. One person shares a thought and other users will keep adding onto it until it snowballs into a surreal yet hilarious conversation. And to think this all started with a simple disagreement about sleeping with or without socks at night.
Who would have thought the presence of socks in bed would be such a controversial topic? By the end of this, we have a user claiming to have been a sock once. Who would have thought that the original post would have spiraled into this kind of absurdity?
Getting a Little Perspective on the Number of Servings
The best thing about the internet, and Tumblr especially, is the perspective you get from other people. Sure it seems like this woman may be consuming four servings of bread products, but with the input of this user, she can easily shift her point of view.
Now she is only consuming a single serving! After all, if it’s all served at once then it HAS to be a single serving, right? Well, that’s the logic that we are going to use from now on. What other nuggets of wisdom does Tumblr have in store for us?
Moana and Montoya Crossover Movie
The great thing about Tumblr is that it’s home to several different fandoms, so its users are typically pretty knowledgeable on their pop culture references. This post shows that even when someone gets two references mixed up, it spirals into the hilarity that everyone can join in on.
Now we’re starting to wonder what a Moana and the Princess Bride crossover would look like. We’re not sure the movies have similar enough themes, but honestly, this Tumblr post kind of sells us on the idea. What do you guys think?
What on Earth is Sixth Form?
People from around the globe go online every day, and websites like Tumblr bring them together. When so many individuals from different countries interact there’s bound to be a little cultural confusion. Every nation has its own rules and standards, some things end up getting lost in translation, so to speak. Take the example below:
Trying to figure out what age someone is in sixth grade or sixth form can get a little confusing (hint: they’re not interchangeable!). Some of the schooling terms used in other countries can be absolutely mind-boggling, you might think you’ve been flung into some kind of fantasy universe. But rest assured, no one in the British school system has ever regenerated (as far as we know!).
Coming this Summer: Necroprancer
Now, we’re all familiar with movies that focus on cute animals and their kid owners. But this is a plot that we’re not sure fits in the “family-friendly” category, but it sure sounds like it could make an incredible horror film! How does Tumblr come up with all these great film ideas?
It looks like this movie concept has a lot going for it so far, an original concept, a title, and a tagline! Now it just needs a director, producers, actors, and of course, a horse! We’ll be lining up for tickets once it’s released.
Sending Your Friends 2 AM Messages with Squirrel Facts
Some people are perpetual learners and like to consume as much knowledge as they can get their hands on. Sometimes it can be exciting to share this newly learned information with friends, however, there is a time and place for everything. We’re not sure squirrel velocity facts are an appropriate text message for 2 AM!
We’re wondering if this is the first time that Rachel has sent an early morning text with an obscure fact. Truly her friends are loyal and love her for the person she is because we might have muted her phone number after the first couple of messages!
Remember When We Thought Papyrus was a Good Font?
Let us know, is this as relatable for you as it is for us? There was always a certain excitement in choosing fonts when submitting a paper in Elementary school, and Papyrus was one of the more unique ones to choose from. Plus it had that cool historical desert vibe that made your paper seem historically important.
In reality, Papyrus is a terrible font choice, we think even its creator might admit to that! But we have to admit that at the time it was one of our go-to fonts for trying to make our papers look impressive. At least it wasn’t Comic Sans!
Measurements in Cheese
Everyone sees things through the lens of their past experience, and that includes this Tumblr user. We all have some way of visualizing certain measurements, whether they’re weight or size, but this person might have a more unique method than most of us. After working in a cheese market they began to equate all units of weight with blocks of cheese.
We’re pretty sure that weight lifting competitions would be a lot messier if they used cheese wheels, though they’d definitely be a lot more interesting. We wonder what this person’s gym sessions are like, does he see himself as increasing his blocks of cheese at the weight training machines? That’s definitely a more exciting way to look at working out.
What Exactly is the Moral of this Story?
Sometimes the internet can make observations on things that you never would have thought of in your wildest dreams. In this case, someone has compiled all the different Penguin logos and noticed that together they make a sad little story. We’re sure this was not intended by the creators!
Now, whenever we pick up a Penguin book we’ll have a look at the logo on the book’s spine and figure out where in this story the little penguin is. We have to admit, intentional or not, it makes for a pretty depressing message once you look at it this way.
Dogs and People Who Like to Lick Things
The internet loves to analyze the things dogs and cats think whenever they do the weird things they do. We know cats lick things to clean them, but dogs lick things just because they like them. A lick from a dog is like a seal of approval, a very wet seal. But it seems like dogs aren’t the only mammals who like to lick things.
This Tumblr user proves that some humans have the same instincts. How common is cool rock licking among mankind? I can’t say for sure, maybe you readers will be able to clue me in. So far the only person I know for a fact who likes to lick rocks is advanced-procrastination.
The Dad Joke of All Dad Jokes
Dad jokes are one of the cornerstones of internet comedy, and this one has got to be one of the best we’ve ever heard. We wonder how long it took for that guy’s wife to figure out the pun he used when naming their son!
Not to mention, how would the child react once he put the pieces together and figured out that his name was simply car + son? How many times did he have to hear the story of his own birth to figure it out, and what was his reaction? We’re dying to know!
Assigning Personalities to the Plants
Anyone with a green thumb reading this can probably relate to this person’s moody description of plants. Those of us who aren’t familiar with gardening can still find this hilarious, who would have thought that flora and fauna have such stubborn and difficult attitudes?
We wonder if people in other fields of expertise have their own feelings about the things they work with. Do chefs assign personalities to different types of produce? Do carpenters find some wood friendly and other wood irritable? We want to see more content like this!
Tumblr has the Solutions to All Your Problems!
One of the things we love about the internet is being able to get advice and feedback from all kinds of people. Sometimes you’ll come across an idea or perspective that you’ve never thought of before. For example, this user now knows that all they need to do to seek revenge on their annoying neighbor is to NOT learn how to play the trumpet!
It seems like a much easier task than their original plan, and they never would have thought of it if it weren’t for the kind Tumblr user who sent in that response. We’re sure they’re super grateful (unlike their neighbor!).
The Venn Diagram to Rule Them All
Whoever created this Venn diagram deserves some kind of award. We’ve never seen such a niche yet so accurate a diagram, this is the kind of content that we can only expect to find on Tumblr. You even have another user in the comments filling in the blanks.
The longer we look at it the more in awe we are, it’s just too clever to be conceived by humans. Perhaps some sort of AI is behind this? Most likely not, we think that this kind of obscure wit is just commonly found by people that tend to hang out on Tumblr.
Jeff and his So Called “Bad” Jokes
We don’t know why this user’s name is “Bad Jokes By Jeff” when he is so clearly capable of making brilliant jokes. We love some good word play as much as the next person, and we think the Tumblr format just takes it to the next level. Even the replying user agrees with us, this is a spectacular joke, Jeff!
This is just a small taste of the kind of humor you can find on Tumblr, we’re telling you the website is an absolute goldmine for all kinds of comedy. Give it a look, you won’t be disappointed!
Don’t Try and Bribe NASA, it Won’t Work
This amazing imaginary conversation is, as all the best Tumblr posts are, a collaborative effort. We can only imagine it would take a lot more than a twenty dollar bribe to get NASA to confess about the existence of aliens. But we have to wonder, where are the aliens getting human dollars from?
Maybe from all the people they’re “allegedly” abducted over the years? There’s no way to know, it seems NASA’s lips are sealed shut for good. But now at least they have sixty dollars to buy all the space rocks their heart desires!
The Most Relatable Ice Meme of All Time
We think that whether you’re the type to ask for ice in your drink or not, you’ll be able to relate to this meme. Whoever liked those horribly large crescent shaped ice cubes? It’s so much more refreshing and space efficient to have crushed ice in any drink!
Now if you’re one of those weird people who liked to eat ice by itself, then you can DEFINITELY relate to this. If munching on ice is something you find refreshing, then it’s got to be a lot more pleasant to chew on ice slush instead of the rock hard type on the left.
The Absurdist Batman with Disappearing Gloves
We can’t be more grateful to Tumblr for the revival of old Batman cartoon memes, they are truly a treasure trove of comedy with how incredibly absurd they can be. There’s so much to love about this post, but what we really want to see is Christian Bale reenact this scene.
Would they keep the magically disappearing gloves as part of the scene? We would hope so. We also would love to see this version of a counterfeit bill in live-action, imagine Abe Lincoln in a turtleneck shirt! It’s so ridiculous we can’t help but laugh.
Child Logic: 1, Adult Logic: 0
The child stories parents share online are some of the funniest things out there. Nothing makes us laugh more than hearing a kid’s logic when explaining the things that they think. Sometimes we can’t even find a counter argument for them, and we have to somehow agree with their viewpoint!
In this case, this user’s little nephew seems to have made a water tight argument that they can’t seem to quite agree or disagree with. They can only throw their hands up in frustration or laugh at the silliness of it all. We prefer to do the latter!
English Slang can Sound Totally Weird in an American Context
Like we said before, Tumblr has a truly surreal sense of humor. Even an observation like “did you notice how funny British slang is?” is taken to the total extreme. Now we’re wondering what came first, the English slang or the breakfast cereal?
Do you think “Fruit Loops” will catch on as a phrase in the United States? Maybe we could try it with other cereals, like “Sounds great, Captain Crunch to you!” or “Have a great day, and Coco Puffs!”. Hm, after reading that out loud we’re not sure how likely it is people would use them, but they sound pretty funny!
Controversial Topic in the Winnie the Pooh Fandom
We all remember the childhood classic Winnie the Pooh, but we bet you’d never expect the fandom to be so serious! When you think of a typical fan of this kid’s show you’re probably imagining a five or six-year-old kid, not a fully grown adult on a social media platform. But on Tumblr, you’re bound to find fanatics of all types of media.
It looks like these two users got locked in a pretty heated argument surrounding the titular character’s favorite color. It’s incredible that this is a question that would arise in the first place, we’re shocked that one of them actually pulled out the receipts! People can get pretty passionate about anything these days.
This the Season for Harvesting Felines
What would the internet be without cats? We think it would be a modest estimate to assume that cat humor makes up at least 50% of the jokes on the internet. Looks like this person has just harvested an adorable black kitty from their flowerpot, where can we buy the seeds for that?
This particular cat (plant?) seems to have a very guilty look on its face. Perhaps it was not grown like a plant at all, but maybe instead it was a naughty cat that knocked over the flower pot and made a huge mess? That would definitely be in character for a cat!
Hi Jeffrey, I am Afraid
Sending an unfinished email is usually only mildly annoying at best, and a little unprofessional at worst. We suspect this person’s mom made an entire accounting firm worry with what was probably read as a very ominous and spooky email. What is she afraid of? Is she too afraid to write what she’s afraid about?
If we received an email like that we would definitely jump to the conclusion that this person is being haunted by some kind of supernatural force. Hopefully, they caught their mistake early and managed to send a follow-up email assuring that all was well, no evil spirits involved!
Never Ending Compassion for Service Workers
If there’s one thing Tumblr can agree on it’s that treating waitstaff and service workers well is an absolute must. Whoever made this post was likely once a waiter themselves once, and they probably understand how tough the job can be sometimes. That might explain the intense level of empathy here.
Personally, we can definitely get behind this outlook, working as a server is much harder than it looks! If there’s one thing that makes the job a lot easier it’s understanding and compassionate customers. Always remember that your server is a person, too!
Wait, How are YOU Removing Your Facial Hair?
Another case of a simple misunderstanding with wording that results in internet hilarity. We guess the phrase “pull off” may be confusing if English is not your first language, but we can assure you that it’s not literal. Taking it literally, however, paints a terrifying but somewhat funny picture in our heads.
We definitely think that using a razor is an easier way to remove facial hair than pulling it off with your hands. We definitely do not recommend the latter method to anyone who’s interested in a smooth face. You’ll probably end up with a bloody mess!
Creating Something Greater than a Cowboy
What will scientists and engineers do when the cowboy no longer suffices as a western icon? They will have to create something better, a cow MAN. But according to this Tumblr user, the cowman already exists, and he’s merging the worlds of hip hop and country music. If Little Nas X is an unfamiliar name to you, you might remember his voice featured in the song Old Town Road.
You would have been hard-pressed to avoid this song in 2019. The cowman is distinctly noted for his bedazzled shirts and ten-gallon hats, and you’ll always find him riding on the back of a wild bronco. The cowman is intimidated by nothing and knows how to square dance like nobody’s business.
We All Have Dumb Human Brains
This is the kind of weird human thing that should make us all question how smart we really are. It’s the same situation as checking the time on your phone, then checking it again because you didn’t actually look at it the first time. Or opening an app, closing it, and opening it right back up again!
It’s ironic that when animals do similar things we look at them and think they’re stupid. Maybe we’re not so different from them after all! Except for the whole thumbs thing, most animals don’t have those, and they’re pretty useful!
When the Soap Looks Good Enough to Eat
Renaissance fairs might not be as common as they are in highschool sitcoms, but it’s evident by this Tumblr post that they still exist. Filled with old fashioned clothing, food, and manners of speech, these events are designed to make you feel like you’ve gone back in time. But for the less historically inclined renaissance fairs might be a confusing place to maneuver.
This Tumblr user’s friend is the prime example of what can happen if you attend a renaissance fair uninformed. It seems that they didn’t consider the fact that handmade soap was a common good in the olden days, and mistook a bar for some kind of food. I don’t think they needed to be told it was soap, after the first bite they could probably tell!
Be Honest, Are you a Frog?
The frankness of which this user made this post about rain is truly inspiring. When was the last time that someone spoke so passionately about something so commonplace? We’re not sure if we agree with the sentiment, but we can appreciate the enthusiasm!
As the second user pointed out, the way the original user talks about rain is highly suspicious and frog like. After all, amphibians are known for enjoying moist climates. If the original poster is indeed a frog, he must be a highly intelligent one! I hope he figures out how to move someplace where the rains are longer.
A Teleporting Cat? It’s Just a Regular Cat
If there’s one thing the people of the internet are experts on it’s the nature of cats. The original poster who posed this idea of a teleporting cat clearly has never owned a cat before because that’s just what a regular cat would do.
As the other two users pointed out, that’s literally just the behavior of an average cat. Can cats actually teleport? There’s no way to know for sure, but those of you who own cats might begin to suspect as much. Is there any other explanation for how they can appear in random places so easily?
What is this, a Field Trip for Lizards?
Just a regular photo from National Geographic? Or is it a group of lizards on a field trip? It certainly looks like it could be, they all seem to be looking in different directions with so much interest. Despite the fact that the only thing there is to see around them is dirt.
Very educational if this field trip is dedicated to the topic of geology. But realistically, these lizards (at least, we think they’re lizards) are probably just crossing through the desert. But how else do you explain those expressions of intense interest?
For the Love of Fictional Characters
With so many seasons of the Simpsons having aired, there’s a moment on the show that pretty much anyone in the world could relate to. We can give a pretty good guess as to why this particular moment was shared on Tumblr, the prime location for enthusiasm over fictional characters.
We can only imagine how many Tumblr users saw this screen capture and thought that Marge was the coolest mom on planet Earth. Unfortunately, she is also a fictional character, but that never stopped Tumblr from loving anyone! Marge is ready for her fandom.
Either He Looked Up “Headache Symptoms” or He’s in Big Trouble
Wording is everything on the internet since written words don’t have the same tone or inflection as spoken words. This user seems to have implied that Google is out to get them, and has sent him a message saying he’s going to die. Or at least, that’s what the person’s replying seems to have assumed!
We all really know that the original poster probably Googled headache symptoms, got lost on WebMD for a few hours, and came to the conclusion that they have some kind of terminal illness. This is a great reason why you should see a doctor instead of looking up symptoms online.
A Lesson in Types of Pirates
There are two types of pirates out there, or I guess three according to this Tumblr post. The internet has had a weird fascination with pirates for a long time, and Tumblr is no exception to that rule. But swashbuckling scallywags at sea aren’t the only kind of pirates that exist. There’s a more common type of pirate, the kind who doesn’t want to wait for their favorite off-air series to come to Netflix.
In the case of the user below, they’re the kind of pirate who needs photo editing software but doesn’t have the money to shell out for it. I doubt pirates like these ever say things like “arrr” or “yo ho ho” when illegally downloading content.
This Must be the Creepiest Cake in Existence
We’ve seen some spooky baked goods on Halloween, but this looks like the most terrifying cake ever made, and it was totally not intentional! Sometimes making a mistake results in a truly unique creation, even if that creation will scare off the person you’re gifting it to.
If a birthday cake was this person’s goal, we suggest that they head over to a bakery. Unless their friend’s birthday has a haunted house theme, we’re not sure they will be super thrilled to blow out of the candles on this scary thing. Maybe a few more sprinkles will fix it up?
The Funniest National Anthem Mix Up
The great thing about the internet is that it brings together people from all over the world, sometimes that means people from other countries sharing their hilarious cultural mix ups. In case you weren’t sure, the official anthem of the United States is “the Star Spangled Banner”, NOT “Country Roads” which is a 1971 tune by John Denver.
We guess that if you were totally unfamiliar with American culture then this might be a fair assumption. At least it’s a classic song that has a very American spirit. We can certainly think of worse songs that could be confused for the national anthem!
A Sharp Change of Subject
Tumblr has a way of taking a true statement and repeating it several times. And no, we don’t mean different users parroting one another, we mean literally copying the same sentence in a singular post. Think of it as a person shouting one statement over and over, they’re really trying to drive their point home.
That definitely appears to be the case in the post above, but the second user had a way of turning this serious message into a hilarious one. While the original user was trying to spread some relationship facts the second was trying to sneak in a Lady Gaga reference. Sometimes you just need someone to lighten the mood.
Laptop is Life
If you’re browsing the web right now there’s a good chance you’re using a laptop. If you spend a lot of time on your desktop device then you’re probably familiar with all its quirks, and that includes overheating. Laptops can be pretty heat-sensitive, and when a program is overloading it the fan will start whirring like crazy.
It almost feels like your computer is a dog in distress, like Lassie trying to lead you to a kid who fell down a well. When you can’t figure out the source of the problem the only solution is to CTRL + ALT + DEL and start closing every running program. You’d do anything to save your laptop, right?
The Reality of Cat Ownership
Cats and the internet are a better pair than almost anything in the world. It’s really no surprise that Tumblr is one of the prime locations for cat fanatics. As you can clearly see, there’s an entire account that shares photos of British guys and cats! Though it’s doubtful that this photo came from the same blog.
Clearly, this cat owner is having a difficult time with her unruly felines, and we’re sure many other Tumblr users could relate to her plight. Cats might be adorable but they’re not always the easiest pets to manage. Luckily you can always share a picture of your cat-related woes on Tumblr, you’re sure to find a sympathetic ear there!
Have You Ever Heard an Artichoke Heart Beat?
Sometimes parts of plants are given weird names like potato “eyes” are not literally eyes. The same thing goes for artichoke “hearts”. As far as we know, there has never been a living, breathing, feeling artichoke. Seems like this anonymous user was a vegan who didn’t get the memo, and thought someone was consuming a living being’s heart!
We certainly hope you’ve never heard an artichoke heart beat. Vegan or not, that would freak us out enough to toss that vegetable right in the bin. Rest assured, artichoke “hearts” are not real, and they are vegan friendly so everyone can enjoy them!
The Infinite Present of Staying in a Hotel
Finally, someone puts into detail what it is about hotels that are so whimsical. They are truly a plane of existence unlike any other and looking at the 44,400 notes this post has, we can tell that many people agree with this sentiment. It’s unfortunate that we don’t all spend as much time in hotels as we’d like, but maybe that’s part of the magic.
This post is making us consider checking into a hotel for a couple of nights just to experience that “infinite present” feeling. Is that weird? We don’t think it’s weird, not any weirder than Tumblr anyway!
Giving Halloween Sharks Nemnems
One of the best things about the internet is being able to hear other people’s hilarious experiences, even if you have no idea who they are and they live thousands of miles away from you. In this case, we wish we could’ve been at this user’s door when this adorable and funny encounter took place.
Our favorite part? The way the little girl pronounces “M&Ms”. Seriously, a moment like this totally belongs on a sitcom, and no laugh track would be needed because the audience would probably be cracking up. Sometimes reality is even funnier than fiction!
You Wish You Had WHAT for Legs??
In this post, the user was able to figure out for themselves that their original sentence MAY have been misinterpreted by some. We would hope no one would actually want to replace their human legs with crab legs, but we suppose anything is possible on Tumblr.com!
We guess that they probably had a number of replies asking for clarification, resulting in them publishing this correction to clear the air for anyone who was confused. We’re hoping that all of 1-800-satanic’s followers can sleep well at night, knowing that no one wishes that they were a human/crab hybrid.
Maybe Ugly But Definitely Not Stupid
The users of Tumblr sure have a special way of coming up with interesting hypothetical questions. I would be pretty astonished to find out if anything like this had happened in real life, but if it did user void-sapphic would know exactly how to react. And quite frankly I think we can all agree with their assessment of the situation.
Two hundred bucks is two hundred bucks, right? Basically, you’d be getting paid to be insulted, there are worse ways to come into that much cash! How much would it cost for someone to call you “stupid”? What about “excessively unpleasant”? There could be a whole black market of insult money out there that we don’t know about!
The Truth About Cats
It’s no surprise that Tumblr is filled with cat fanatics, after all, most of the internet is dedicated to content like cat videos and pictures. But a cat lover doesn’t necessarily mean a cat owner, and the former has a tendency to be unfamiliar with the reality of living with a feline. This cat lover got a rude awakening about what having a cat is REALLY like.
Of course, we all want to kiss our kitty’s tiny soft forehead, but it can be a little difficult to do that on a regular basis when they’re trying to rip up your sofa or dig through the trash. Hopefully, this person ends up with a relatively easygoing feline, we’re not sure they’re ready for a difficult one!
You Need to Follow My Direction in this Confrontation
We think we can all relate to this scenario. Confronting someone who has wronged you in some way and delivering a super witty and scathing insult that has everyone watching open mouthed and impressed. However, it rarely seems to go that way when you try and reenact your daydreams in real life.
Assuming this kind of situation ever moves from your head into reality, you will usually be left with a somewhat awkward and embarrassing encounter where you will not look clever at all. But if only we could simply direct these confrontations like a movie scene, wouldn’t that be the best?
Not Even a Literature Teacher Goes this Deep
If there’s one thing Tumblr is known for it’s deeply analyzing children’s media, and sometimes they go a little TOO deep. This thread about a simple Christmas story spiraled out of control, with three different users offering their take on everyone’s favorite red-nosed reindeer. It started out innocently enough, with someone trying to point out their version of the story’s moral.
But then it took a hard left and dived straight into criticism of capitalism, not sure how it landed there but it did! Finally, someone had to step in and tell everyone to cool their jets, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer isn’t THAT deep. Someone needs to check on these users and see if they’re okay, they seriously need to lighten up.
The Heart Wants What it Wants
Here’s a clear example of the conflict between what we know we need and what our heart truly desires. So many of us might strive for a more simplistic lifestyle only to be drawn to the temptation of buying more useless stuff. Who cannot relate to that?
The struggle is definitely real, and we’re sure you’ve dealt with this kind of situation before. When you’re bombarded with products online it can be seriously hard not to give in and whip out your credit card. It’s an internal fight that we all have to deal with!
What Do You Need More to Survive? Oxygen or WiFi?
There is no end to the limits of imagination, especially on the internet. People’s minds can stretch to the most brilliant or the craziest ideas you’ve ever heard of. Sometimes, however, we spend too much time on the internet that we need a little reality check. Like how oxygen that keeps us alive is just a teensy bit more important than wifi.
But the original poster has a great point. If trees somehow could give off wifi then people would be planting them all over the place. Your local coffee shop would probably turn into an absolute jungle.
Ghosts are Haunting All the Good Real Estate Listings
No one has ever thought about the ghosts who haunt the houses real estate agents are trying to sell. That is, not until this Tumblr user came along and created this hilarious exchange, which we think would make for an amazing screenplay! We can’t decide if it would make a better horror or comedy movie.
It certainly makes for a unique film concept, we hope that the Hollywood producers who make the big decisions on movie concepts take this idea and run with it! We’ll be lining up to buy tickets as soon as it’s released!
European Conflict: Waffles vs Windmills
Most Tumblr users might live in the United States but that doesn’t mean the platform doesn’t have its fair share of European bloggers. The users on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean are always trying to convey the difference between their own culture and America’s way of life. However, they have a very interesting way of getting their points across.
We’re not exactly sure what to take away from this post, maybe that the Waffles vs Windmills debate is a hotter topic than we previously thought! It’s obvious that the original poster is not a big fan of Belgium, based on the windmill comment we’re assuming they’re from the Netherlands. We guess sharing a border can make people quite testy!
Washing Machines = Trustworthy, Dishwashers = Sneaky
We never thought to give home appliances character traits before, but this Tumblr certainly has! And we can’t say that we disagree with their characterization, why exactly don’t dishwashers have clear doors? What are they trying to hide? Is there an army of tiny elves who clean your dishes by hand once you close the door and press ‘start’?
We think dishwashers should take a hint from washing machines, who as we know now are open, honest, and have nothing to hide. In fact, ALL machines can learn something from washing machines, maybe people can too! Who knew washing machines were such great moral guides.
How to Handle a Conspiracy Theory
What do you do when you’re presented with a Twitter poll like this one? You’ve got to come up with your own multiple choice answer, of course. And the user who countered with “I don’t believe that the Earth is real” could not have come back with a sharper rebuttal. Of course, Tumblr marveled in this clever comeback and even came up with a moral to take away from this exchange.
If you ever find yourself in an encounter with a conspiracy theorist the only solution is to out-conspiracy them. If they think the world is run by lizard people, tell them you don’t think lizards exist. If they think Bigfoot walks among us, tell them that we are all actually the same species as him.
It’s Just Old Person Privilege
Old people can get away with anything. Ask anyone and they’ll tell you about an encounter they’ve had with “old person privilege”. It’s like some universally agreed upon gift that society gives to old people as a reward for being alive for so long. To be fair, if you had been on the planet for several decades you’d probably want to have some extra fun as well.
Obviously, this rule doesn’t apply to serious crimes, but if a little old lady wants to help herself to a few grapes then we certainly wouldn’t snitch. She was definitely just doing it for the thrill. We wonder why she asked this poster if they were stealing too, maybe she wanted a partner in crime!
What A Great Date Idea!
It’s like a story straight out of a New York Times bestseller! Or maybe even just a popular fanfiction on the internet. But it’s definitely a great story, we wonder if anyone actually took the initiative to write it. Unlike the usual enemies to lovers or friends to lovers tropes that readers love so much, idiots to lovers sounds fairly rare but also extremely entertaining.
We would take it one step further and go in without having even spoken to our pretend lover; being completely unprepared without a backstory would make for an even more legendary time. We do feel for the poor therapist, but this might actually be one of their least depressing cases! We might need more than 20k words though…
I’m In The Middle Of Something
This may be someone’s favorite thing to do, but as a stranger we would definitely be a little uncomfortable. Imagine going up to somebody and asking them for a pen, only for them to say no while simultaneously handing you one! We wouldn’t know what to do with ourselves. On the other hand, being the person pulling this prank sounds like it could be really fun.
Especially if we were able to carry it out with a straight face. We love how passive-aggressive this is and if used with the correct crowd it has the potential to be one of the greatest gags ever. Can you think of any ways you would use this?
You Can Never Go Wrong Napping
Personally, we believe anything under 200 years is nothing but a really long blink. A REAL nap has to be way longer. Substitute years with hours and our point still stands. A lot of people aren’t familiar with military time in their day-to-day lives, this can lead to some hilarious mistakes and confusion.
There are stories of people waking up at the wrong time or showing up to places outrageously early because of this. Honestly, when are we as a society going to admit that this is the superior way of telling time? Constantly differentiating between “am” and “pm” is exhausting! Converting to military time is a form of self care, just like a long nap.
Who Is This Damaged Horse?
Proclaiming that you can eat a horse is a very general statement. Saying you can eat THE horse is specific, mildly threatening, and the perfect way to get your point across. Somebody get this guy something to eat, stat! This post is every English teacher’s nightmare. We know they’re going positively crazy reading this. Or should we say horse crazy?
We’re imagining all these idioms being traced back to one single horse, THE horse. Personifying it just makes it even funnier. Maybe this could become a real thing one day, when horses fly (see what we did there?). We’ll have tumblr users pleatherghost and furryfricker69 to thank.
The Canadians Have Fallen
A world without maple syrup would be a dreary existence. A world without Canada would probably suck too, but that’s not the main concern over here. We aren’t really sure how foods get their expiration dates and neither was the guy in charge of this syrup batch! If it’s about estimating dates we can safely say that he’s off by a few thousand years.
Maple syrup also lasts a pretty long time. Not in the same bottle or container, but the syrup itself does not have an expiration date. If it’s kept in the same bottle, it can only last for about two years which is slightly less than the estimation given here. Either way, a world without maple syrup is a world we don’t want to live in.
Starbucks Is The New Gay Pride
If you’ve never heard of fragile masculinity, this is a great example. You’d think a man desperate to prove he’s straight wouldn’t care so much about other men’s choices. That doesn’t sound very straight to us. Maybe this woman’s husband and other homophobic people should think about that. It’s very obvious to spot when someone’s insecure with their masculinity.
Maybe this guy is actually extremely aware that a bar is a men-only establishment and his wife is in for a huge surprise sooner or later, if you catch our drift. Either way, this behavior is not cool at all. This guy sounds downright miserable, and to be fair, if we had to live a life without ice coffee we would be too!
An Alive Homie Is A Good Homie
We’re thankful that this is a tumblr post and not a google search because it’s actually pretty funny! Every friend group can relate to that one serious person who makes sure to keep the jokester in their place every now and then. Yes it may technically be murder, but just let people enjoy the joke!
We can just imagine the faces of lawyers and judges everywhere if the term “homiecide” was a real thing. It would be impossible to take it seriously despite the severity of the crime! The judge would be too busy laughing at this joke to hand out a fair sentence. Friends, please remember that homeicide-ing your homies isn’t cool!
Totally Not Angelic
We’re sorry but no amount of saying “be not afraid” would calm us down if we were to see a biblically accurate angel. Growing up we all thought that angels look human-like and magical, but if we actually saw one we’d be in for a nasty shock! Their actual description is a lot more terrifying than we think….
A glowing-eyed, wing-covered creature with a flaming sword screeching “FEAR NOT”? We would be fearing for our lives! Even a regular person brandishing a sword and screaming would have us calling the nearest psychiatric hospital. Children, please don’t believe everything you see on the internet. Don’t try this at home!
What Excuse Will Be Next?
Have you ever found yourself dreading going out and trying to come up with an excuse to stay at home? Don’t worry, you’re not alone! This tumblr user’s excuse might be a few hundred years too late, but we would definitely let them cancel if we heard it. After all, a person desperate enough to think of such an outlandish excuse must really not want to leave their house.
An awesome thing about the internet is that there are so many quick-witted people who can match your energy, and the “rats” commenter is just one of them. It’s a good joke, it’s a great joke even. We could see these two users becoming friends; just don’t ask them to go out together in real life!