Funny Tumblr Posts That Will Have You In Stitches
In case anyone was wondering, Tumblr is still alive and trucking along. This popular blogging site has been the source of countless classic memes and moments. Depending on the hashtags you follow, you could fall down a rabbit hole on the site, leading you to the weirdest and funniest posts! From odd facts to weird movie trivia, you can find just about anything on Tumblr. Sometimes you may even learn a thing or two just by randomly hopping around different pages. For a while there, it was also the most popular social media platform. Sixteen years since it was launched, Tumblr shows no signs of slowing down.
Take a gander at some of the funniest and most insightful posts from Tumblr!
Always Play To Your Strengths
Everyone has that one friend who has absolutely no problem starting drama. Even when they’re not directly involved in some, these magicians can manufacture the perfect mood to start a storm. Pushing buttons isn’t just a game for them, it’s a way of life. What is that friend up to now? There’s a good chance that if they leaned into this superpower, they could have gone pretty far!
That or they became one of the snarkiest people on a semi-niche microblogging platform. Either way, being a conflict escalator can be a great way to rise to the occasion and get a few laughs. Or possibly become the next great CIA agent!
Why Are We Not Funding This?
When was the last time the Muppets graced the big screen? For those of you who don’t remember, they’re the coolest puppets ever. Jim Henson’s felt creations have been a fan favorite of millions for decades. They’ve also created some of the funniest film remakes around! Muppet Treasure Island? The Muppet Christmas Carol? They’re all great. Just imagine if Disney decided they wanted to make easy money one day and brought them back!
A Muppet Beauty and the Beast would become instantly iconic. Which leading actor would get tapped to play the hideously human Beast? Would Nick Kroll take the role? He kind of already looks like a muppet, so the transformation scene would save on effects!
Looking For Love In The Final Frontier
Fun fact: There’s only ever been a single married couple to go to space together. Another fun fact, they had to lie to do it! Astronauts Jan Davis and Mark Lee met while training at NASA. For some reason or another, NASA probably wouldn’t have liked sending the couple together to space. Something, something, emotional issues or possibly risking the death of two heads of a family.
Lee and Davis figured that out and kept their marriage a secret until they had completed their mission! That sounds like an event that would cement a relationship forever among the stars. However, after eight years together, these two superstars decided to enter different orbits and separate.
This Is A Hilarious Idea!
We don’t know about you, but every time we think about our favorite childhood TV shows, some twisted theory pops up and ruins it all. So, why not take matters into our own hands and make our favorite fan-favorite shows even more twisted? Let’s turn Game of Thrones into the most epic and morbid Dungeons & Dragons campaign ever! Who wouldn’t want to watch Cersei Lannister roll the dice to see if she gets beheaded?
And as for Stranger Things, let’s throw everyone off with a red herring storyline. Oh, wait a minute, that’s already happening? Well, then let’s throw in some aliens and a unicorn or two just to really mess with everyone’s heads. It’s time to take back our TV shows and turn them into the twisted, hilarious, and unforgettable experiences we deserve!
The Least Official First Date
A lot of messages can get lost in translation. That’s kind of the fun and not-so-fun part of different languages. They don’t always add up with direct translations. When President Jimmy Carter visited Poland in 1977, he tried his best to deliver a message of goodwill. Instead, he basically told the Polish people he wanted to ravage them all over!
And that he had no intentions of ever returning to the United States! It was just going to be one nonstop orgy and Carter was claiming control of it. Thankfully, the translators and speech writers figured things out before things got too out of control. What a weird message to deliver with such confidence!
Just Burn Down The House
A lot of “would you rather” questions are made to put you in an awkward position. However, most have a clear-cut answer between two terrible choices. But this one made more than one person pause in thought. A thousand roaches in the attic is a horror movie we never want to experience. We wouldn’t even wish that on our worst enemies.
However, a whole other person living and sneaking around up there? No, that’s kind of a lot worse but also not nearly as bad or crawly. Which one is the lesser of two evils here? At least the roaches don’t really pose a physical threat. But the person doesn’t fly around at the worst possible moment. Time to flip a coin!
The Drive Is An Investment
We don’t get to choose where we’re born. Some people happen to be born in smaller countries where going from border to border takes only a few hours. Others just so happen to be born in places where a seven-hour drive only gets you halfway to your destination without leaving the country!
Could you imagine thinking a drive of less than an hour is far? How do people in smaller countries not travel everywhere all the time? At best, seven hours get’s us a trip to the bank and maybe dinner on the way if we’re making good time. Where would you be if you took your car for a one hour ride?
May I Have Your Beauty Regimen?
The new Spider-Man movies do their best to provide their own fresh spin on the series. The films featuring Marisa Tomei as Aunt May must involve some sort of time magic. Do they really expect us to think this young supermodel is Peter Parker’s aunt? Well, guess what kids? She very well could be! Marisa Tomei is fifty-three!
That’s not just in the movie, that’s her actual age in the real world! It’s true, women in their 50s aren’t washed up like society tries to convince us. When Hollywood casts women without discriminating against their age, magical things can and do happen! This should be a common thing, not a surprisingly fun fact.
The Animaniacs Were On To Something
Remember when Yakko, Wakko, and Dot terrorized the Warner Bros. lot and still found time to teach us about all the countries in the world? They walked a fine line between complete absurdity and geographical Bill Nye-type figures. When you think about it, it would take a catchy tune to remember just how expansive the British Empire is.
For hundreds of years the Queen’s entire family tree has been in the business of reshaping the face of the planet, one conquered landmass at a time. Did the Animaniacs ever do a song about that? We’d watch the ever-loving water tower out of that scene. If the show ever gets a reboot that should be their first song.
A True Battle Of Wits
One of the most interesting things about the evolution of humanity is the devolution of our languages. English used to be a poetic ballad of requisite words and fancy insults. Over time, those faded away to quick one-liners and shady callbacks. Just imagine what it would have been like to get into a verbal duel with someone back in the 17th century!
Sure, it may have resulted in one of you losing your life, but the verbal barbs leading up to the climax would have been as sharp as steel! The victor wouldn’t just be the most skilled, but the most quick-witted and well-read!
Ignorance Of Discovery Means Nothing
Just because certain conditions and creatures haven’t been discovered yet doesn’t mean that they don’t exist. Take the new frogs people are finding in the rainforest every year. Those little leapers didn’t just blink into existence the day they were “discovered”. The same goes for conditions like autism.
Just because a fancy medical person didn’t write down neurodivergent conditions doesn’t mean generations of people weren’t experiencing it. This has been going on long before anyone thought to pay attention! And this user didn’t just make an excellent point, they also made us wonder how many mountains have yet to be found by people!
Philosophy Should Never Be Taken Literally
One of the reasons philosophy can be hard to grasp is how detached it is from reality. At the same time, it’s the very reasoning behind why reality is the way it is for so many people. It’s like living your life through metaphors but making concrete decisions based on how those metaphors play out. But you shouldn’t directly apply those stories and beliefs to the real world.
When that happens, you run into some weird fanfic crossovers. Imagine having to explain what a car is to the ancient Greeks! There’s no way they could have possibly understood how we live our lives nowadays. It’s kind of hilarious to think about, though! Would Plato have been a Civic or a Hybrid guy?
Bees Are Shrewd Buzziness Bugs
For all of our nonsense, drama, and silliness, humans are pretty complex creatures. We basically invented business and the idea of supply and demand. That doesn’t mean that other animals can’t understand those concepts as well. Bees, for example, are some of the savviest business creatures on the planet. At least, that’s the case when it comes to working with people.
They understand that some honey may get lost throughout the season. In return, they’re kept safe and comfortable from nearly every single threat and tribulation that could possibly exist for the hive. That’s a pretty sweet deal if you really think about it.
A Tall Order Reaches A Low
We don’t get to decide what height we stop growing at. Some end up towering over the rest while others learn to appreciate things from a lower level. Since that’s just part of what makes everyone unique, it helps to have a sense of humor about these things. Besides, did you know that giants actually exist in the real world?
What does it all mean? It may not be enough evidence to change their pronouns, but it’s enough to make us think about what other fun and harmless nicknames we can have for the towering Toms and Miniature Millies of the world. Who said memes couldn’t be used to advance a conversation?
Survival Play Out In Weird Ways
Say what you will about dating, but everyone has a preference. Some people go for certain features while others prefer people of a certain height. Either way, it’s hard to deny who we’re attracted to and for what reasons. Sometimes it helps to date people due to the advantage of their natural abilities.
Why invest in chairs and stepladders when you can just date a super-tall person? That or maybe everyone’s super-tall because you’re just extremely short. That can be a good way to keep the dating field open! You’d be hard-pressed to find someone shorter, so it’s a win-win for everyone.
With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility
Child savants are interesting people. They’re hyper-gifted kiddos with the potential to change the world in weird and surprising ways. Some kids end up becoming musical prodigies, others end up blazing through school so quickly that it makes the rest of us look like we were held back for entire decades. Take this genius kid for example.
They’re barely eleven and they’re already smart enough to be working on the secret to immortality! Our greatest accomplishment is surviving another day on a planet that doesn’t want us here anymore. Sometimes it feels like we’re all playing a different game and someone knows the rules that we keep missing.
Nature Will Always Find a Way
Part of the fun of living on this planet is that you’ll never know what unique foods you’re going to discover. What may be extremely common in one country can be another’s mysterious anomaly. Think about walking around your local supermarket and seeing a weird gourd that wasn’t there the day before.
When you bring it up to the register, the cashier might be just as confused as you are! What do you do then? Do you take a cautionary first bite or walk away without solving the mystery? We kind of want to know how this one plays out…and tastes.
Same Symptoms, New Depressing Name
Going through the emotional turmoil of puberty can be rough for just about anyone. While a lot of people say they move on from those angsty years, others know exactly where all those feelings go. They stay put until we deal with them in therapy. Of course, you can’t say you’re experiencing high school angst in your thirties.
Instead, you use the scary a-word and get a prescription for something to deal with absolutely nothing. It’s essentially your brain causing more problems than it can solve. Anxiety is the equivalent of having an existential crisis over whether or not you’re going to get asked to the prom every single day. That sounds absolutely exhausting.
Food Can Be Quite Sensual
Not everyone has the same kinky interests in the bedroom. What may be normal for one partner may be crossing a line for another. That’s why it’s always nice to find a compromise. That way, everyone will be happy and satisfied. However, what happens when you need to cross a line to get to that comfort?
Maybe try changing the script to a foreign language! That way, your partner can feel some exotic pleasure and you can focus on what’s really important, like making dinner! Imagine discovering those sweet nothings being whispered in your ear were just the recipe for grandma’s famous salad! Would that ruin the mood for you?
Some Doctors Know Their Patients Really Well
A doctor’s job is to diagnose and treat people with a variety of ailments and injuries. Sometimes, that means protecting them against themselves. That’s not to say every patient is too dumb to understand instructions. Some just need a bit more reassurance than others not to do some common sense things. Those things may even include not throwing boiling water into your face.
Everyone out there understands the difference, right? Just in case y’all don’t, boiled water should never be used while it’s boiling. That’s just silly and super dangerous. If your doctor has to remind you of this, maybe ask a friend to help you out for your own sake.
How Seriously Does Disney Take This Rule?
It’s no secret that Disney takes their magical illusion seriously. From carefully placed scents to intricately detailed character scripts that all actors must follow, the House of Mouse spares no expense in planning and executing their visions. Apparently, they even have a plan for a hostage situation at their parks that involves Aladdin! The plucky hero of both the movie series and show is known for more than his quick five-finger discount.
He’s apparently well-trained in the art of assassin assassinating! Actors that don the thin felt vest must know how to protect the maximum number of guests possible. All this while minimizing casualties in a high-stakes and serious situation! That’s a lot of pressure for near minimum wages.
We’re Not Saying They’re Wrong
It’s nice to know we never had to grow out of watching cartoons. Ever since The Simpsons proved that adult animation had longevity, there seems to have been a boom in the number of cartoon families on TV. Every platform, every service, and every channel has its own cast of loosely-related characters saying inappropriate things in bright colors and cute graphics. While that sounds tiresome, it has its own comfort.
No matter where you are, no matter the time of day, there’s a cookie-cutter cartoon waiting to mildly entertain you while you scratch yourself or reheat nachos from the bed. The only downside is that after a while they all blend together into the same twenty or so episodes of stories. At least we know when to laugh by now.
Bugs Would Play Both Sides
Bugs Bunny has done a lot. He was the first rabbit in drag on national television. The first bunny in space that beat Marvin the Martian. He’s also the first cartoon rabbit spokesman against marijuana usage. Despite being a cartoon, that last one still doesn’t make much sense. Bugs Bunny is one of the most anti-establishment, chill, and relaxed guys in the animated world.
There’s no way he wouldn’t enjoy the occasional loopy lettuce. Knowing how his mind works, he also wouldn’t turn down the chance to get some quick cash and get on TV. He’d give a great performance and then use the paycheck to go right back to chilling!
We’re Not Surprised At All
Just as sure that the sun will rise, we’re positive someone will complain about something new being worse than something old. Hating on new technology and the younger generation is almost like a rite of passage we all eventually go through. There’s just a level of tech that everyone eventually decides is their limit.
For some it’s TikTok, for others, it’s the chalkboard. Back in the day, even paper was considered too new-fangled to be of any worth. Some teachers didn’t even like the idea of using something that could only be written on once! Where was the usefulness in that?
Someone’s An Expert On Something
Obscure facts are only obscure because not enough people know about them. Did you know that coffins and caskets aren’t synonyms? They’re actually completely different types of final resting places! A coffin has an iconic Dracula-bed shape with a lid that pops right off. Caskets have fewer sides and more of a door with hinges kind of deal.
Who needs to know this? Obviously, different types of undead. Different boxes for different purposes, you know? It’s also a killer fact to whip out during a party! Though you might end up putting a damper on the mood. But when all else fails, maybe you could go into the funeral game. You already have the lingo down!
Is This The Secret To Sports?
Sportsball isn’t just about hitting round things super hard. Different games have different objectives that revolve around differently shaped spheres. What makes them so complicated is that it can be hard to tell which games want you to keep the ball and which ones want you to stay as far away from it at all times.
Why can’t there be some uniformity in how all games involving spheres work? That’d make them all a lot easier to understand. It’d also offer some more crossover opportunities to help invent even more games! Is there a head of all sports we can contact with our brilliant idea?
Pets Can And Will Outsmart You
People simultaneously give cats way more and not enough credit than they deserve. While our feline friends can be silly and unpredictable, they’re also so much more than that. Don’t let your cat take advantage of you, because they know exactly what buttons to push to get their way. Without even a second thought they’ll have you wrapped around their little paws.
A simple meow and you’ll get on their feeding schedule instead of the other way around! Sometimes it can get so bad that your roommates have to have an intervention to make sure everyone’s on the same page. Without a handy chart like this, who knows how huge this cat’s ego and tummy would have gotten!
Is This A New Term?
When did you fall out of the slang loop? For us. it’s got to be whenever “short king” became part of the nomenclature. Is this a way to describe a guy who’s comfortable being short, but also likes to brag about it to make up for not being taller? Doesn’t that completely contradict itself? We’re with the poster on this.
A “short king” sounds like the type of breed that would continuously sweep at the AKC annual show. They probably have a spunky personality and big paws to make up for their tiny legs and Napoleon complex. All-around cute companions that deserve respect but not to be made into actual pets.
It’s Clearly A Kiddy Casino
Chuck E. Cheese is an anomaly in the food world. It’s not quite a restaurant. Despite having a menu. It’s not exactly a video game arcade, even though games and prizes are the whole point. It’s also not a cabaret, which is odd since there’s a song and dance every hour. This living pink-eye factory is all of these things rolled into one!
It’s the closest thing we got to gambling as children. Instead of cigarettes and beers, we fueled up on plastic-tasting soda and semi-frozen pizza. Nobody’s complaining, but let’s call a scam for what it is: A delicious sticky scam to get our parent’s quarters out of their wallets.
Stop Trying To Be Funny
Not every interaction between cashier and a customer has to be a comedy show. We all know that customer service jobs suck. You don’t have to demean your cashier by telling them a joke they’ve probably heard a million times before. It’s okay to stay silent and just say “thank you”.
We promise, your cashier may even have a good time and not want to risk going to prison for a moment. Everyone could end up winning in this situation! It’s all right to not be original, just acknowledge that the situation is awkward at best, grab your gas, and scoot on away to the next awkward run-in with someone.
Old-School Photoshop
Hey, have you ever wished you could travel back in time and see how people lived back in the day? Well, back then cameras didn’t exist, but there was a way to capture someone’s image forever. The rich would commission paintings of themselves, and you can find a bunch of these in museums today. The only problem is that everyone in these paintings looks absolutely flawless! No bags under their eyes, no upper lip hair, and definitely no pimples.
How is that even possible without modern beauty products? Those painters must have been experts at editing and touch-ups, probably so they wouldn’t get ripped off by their clients. So don’t feel bad about yourself, those guys had the OG version of Instagram filters at their fingertips!
An Interesting Parallel
Comic Sans, a font that’s both loved and hated. Some people think it’s cute and quirky, while others see it as an abomination. But have you ever noticed that it kind of looks like a kitten trying to roar like a lion? It’s cute, but it’s just not quite there. And speaking of adorable kittens, let’s talk about Yzma from The Emperor’s New Groove.
Yzma may turn into a cute little kitten, but don’t be fooled – she’s still evil to the core. It’s kind of like when a cat brings you a dead mouse as a present. Sure, it’s a cute gesture, but it’s also a reminder that cats are ruthless predators. The same goes for Yzma – just because she looks cute and harmless doesn’t mean she’s not a villain through and through. So the next time you see Comic Sans or a cute kitten, just remember – looks can be deceiving.
Awkward Archeologist Question
Ever wonder if archaeologists are basically just fancy grave robbers? It’s a pretty interesting question if you think about it. We’re totally cool with digging up fossils and ancient ruins to learn about our past, but what if in a few hundred years, people start digging up our graves? That’s kind of creepy, right? It’s hard to draw a clear line on what’s considered grave robbing and what’s just uncovering history.
Maybe we can say that anything less than 100 years old is off-limits, but beyond that, it’s fair game. But let’s be real, if we’re not factoring in time, archaeologists are basically just grave robbers with fancier titles.
Jeff Needs A New Username
Alright, someone needs to explain to us why this dude is going by the name “Bad Jokes By Jeff” when he’s out here dropping some seriously funny stuff. We love a good pun as much as the next guy, and this Tumblr post is just next-level. Even the person who replied agrees with us, Jeff is a comedic genius!
And listen up, folks: this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Tumblr humor. This site is like a gold mine for hilarious content. Don’t believe us? Check it out for yourself and get ready to laugh your butt off!
The Mastermind Behind the IKEA Plot
This has got to be one of the most brilliant but also evil plots we have ever seen on the internet. We’re not sure it would actually work, but the mastermind behind it truly has a creative brain, and we have to commend them for that.
Now the comparison to the anti-movie downloading ads? It’s simply brilliant, we can’t think of a better time to call back to that old commercial. It’s made all the funnier by throwing in one of IKEA’s weird furniture names. So tell us, WOULD you download a YPPERLIG?
What on Earth is Sixth Form?
People from around the globe go online every day, and websites like Tumblr bring them together. When so many individuals from different countries interact there’s bound to be a little cultural confusion. Every nation has its own rules and standards, some things end up getting lost in translation, so to speak. Take the example below:
Trying to figure out what age someone is in sixth grade or sixth form can get a little confusing (hint: they’re not interchangeable!). Some of the schooling terms used in other countries can be absolutely mind-boggling, you might think you’ve been flung into some kind of fantasy universe. But rest assured, no one in the British school system has ever regenerated (as far as we know!).
We’re All Fools
Disney villains come in all shapes, sizes, and types, from a power-hungry lion with a scar on his eye to a jealous but beautiful medieval queen. There must be something that ties all these colorful characters together, and it looks like this Tumblr user has figured out what exactly it is.
The go-to Disney villain insult is without a doubt “fool!”. It’s not the harshest name in the book, but since Disney produces family-friendly films we figure that it only makes sense. Whether the evil-doer is magical or not, they seem to have an affinity for this insult.
Thanks for That Much Needed Clarification
In this post, the user was able to figure out for themselves that their original sentence MAY have been misinterpreted by some. We would hope no one would actually want to replace their human legs with crab legs, but we suppose anything is possible on Tumblr.com!
We guess that they probably had several replies asking for clarification, resulting in them publishing this correction to clear the air for any confused people. We’re hoping that all of 1-800-satanic’s followers can sleep well at night, knowing that no one wishes that they were a human/crab hybrid.
Don’t Try and Bribe NASA, it Won’t Work
This amazing imaginary conversation is, as all the best Tumblr posts are, a collaborative effort. We can only imagine it would take a lot more than a twenty-dollar bribe to get NASA to confess about the existence of aliens. But we have to wonder, where are the aliens getting human dollars from?
Maybe from all the people they’re “allegedly” abducted over the years? There’s no way to know, it seems NASA’s lips are sealed shut for good. But now at least they have sixty dollars to buy all the space rocks their heart desires!
Batman’s Disappearing Glove Trick
We can’t be more grateful to Tumblr for the revival of old Batman cartoon memes, they are truly a treasure trove of comedy with how incredibly absurd they can be. There’s so much to love about this post, but what we really want to see is Christian Bale reenact this scene.
Would they keep the magically disappearing gloves as part of the scene? We would hope so. We also would love to see this version of a counterfeit bill in live-action, imagine Abe Lincoln in a turtleneck shirt! It’s so ridiculous we can’t help but laugh.