Funny Decisions People Made While Drunk

Drunk Math Is Really Hard

Did anyone else have to take high school algebra three times? What? Just us? Fine, we’re not ashamed. Math is hard and math teachers are wizards. We found out a lot about ourselves during those years. One of the hardest parts was figuring out what X really was. As adults, that hasn’t changed. At least we still have a math tool to help us now!

Toss in a drink or two and even a calculator becomes a different language. Every morning we set alarms, but sometimes, the lesser-used calculator wants to help. After a few shots, we decided to begrudge it and use it. The problem is, just like us in math, no matter how hard it tries, it just doesn’t work. A for effort, though!

Pit Stop At The Shelter

Everyone loves to cuddle every now and then. What are your options if you’ve had a few to drink but nobody to curl up with? Do you have a stuffed animal or something? Not even a special blankie? Well, it looks like you have one of two choices. You can either go home and sleep off your future hangover alone. You can also make a pitstop…

Specifically, maybe have your ride stop at the animal shelter. You can find plenty of friends who would love to spoon with you. Well, until they wander off to enjoy their new domain. Just be sure you have the space and common sense to pick up some toys for them on the way home.

How Energy Bars Are Made

Why hasn’t someone invented a delicious and sugar-filled candy bar with a healthy dose of energy to get through the day? Infuse ten espresso’s worth of caffeine in those suckers, too. In fact, just find a way to charge a chocolate bar so we can just continuously get a sugar rush. That works, too. Did we just predict the next technological invention?

When was the last time you tried to charge your phone but grabbed some candy instead? It’s a completely honest mistake (when drunk). If it’s happened at least once, don’t feel bad. You’re not alone. This simple energy bar idea may be really clever. It also may not be anything but a dumb drunken mistake. 

At Least They Got An Answer

It’s finally the weekend somewhere. That’s how the phrase goes, right? Call your friends, grab the bros, and text the buds. It’s time to see who’s ready to hang out. Where’s Alex? Oh, you’re Alex. Okay, so are you coming? You’re not here? Great, thanks for letting us know. If the following conversation made sense, you’re clearly not sober. At least you probably understood what’s going on.

All this guy wanted to do was hang out with his friend. They were probably the first person in their contacts. They also may have just been talking to themself. At least they were kind enough to answer back and let them know they weren’t available. They probably save a ton when they go out for dinner together.

Cooking and Logic Don’t Go Together

Pasta is one of the easiest things to make. In fact, it’s the first “meal” a lot of people learn to make. Successfully cooking pasta is almost like an entry into adulthood. It’s really easy, too. You just need pasta, a few cocktails, and a toaster! Water? No, we don’t think adding water to a toaster is smart. What are you, drunk?

Clearly, this person was. If anyone has any common sense, they know these two things don’t mix well. Thanks to beer goggles, silly things like safety hazards disappear! Thankfully, this hapless chef didn’t get too far in their prep. At least they get credit for creativity. Breakfast pasta doesn’t sound half bad.

Take Them All Home, Scotti

A furry friend without a home isn’t the happiest scene. Sometimes we stumble across a stray kitty that needs a place to stay. That place, in this instance, would be a pub. No, this isn’t a bar that doubles as a shelter. “Kitten” in this instance being whatever brew they’re pouring. Aren’t nicknames a funny thing? This is why drunk texting is its own language.

We’ve all been there though. At the very least we have a friend who’s fluent in this boozy lexicon. It takes years to learn and is never fully mastered. Not all scholars are kind enough to explain their definitions. At least Scotti made sure all the kittens found a home. Now someone calls this hero a cab or something.

Sometimes You Just Can’t Decide

Sober you want pizza. Drunk you want burgers. This argument never ends with everyone happy (especially your bank account). Thankfully, some delivery drivers understand our pain. While they may not be able to vouch for another restaurant, they can surely speed through a drive-thru. Besides, if they’re already on the way, why not? This guy had the same idea and decided to try his luck!

An extra stop or two never hurt anyone. Besides, if the tip is right, then everyone wins! The delivery driver gets a little extra cash plus a fun story. Everyone’s happy and nobody’s hungry anymore. This is the best ending to any drunken fairy tale.

What Kind of Hollywood Night Happened?

After a long night of getting kicked out of bars, what’s the plan? That’s right, make completely ridiculous purchases. Why? Who knows, sober you is never this ambitious or spontaneous. Go with your delirious gut and chase those dreams. Don’t let anyone stop you from being the world’s best ostrich beauty pageant director. What? Doesn’t everyone have that same ambition? 

Everyone’s made that one weird purchase that they can’t explain. Some people clear out their whole wish list once the wine starts flowing. We all deserve to treat ourselves every now and then. We’re fairly certain not everyone purchases exotic birds. What’s the refund option like? Is there a customer service number we can call?

A Quick Lesson In Physics

Are you a master of mobile technology? Do you understand what every icon and feature on your device is for? If so, that’s actually pretty impressive. Good for you. Not everyone’s as brainy. Sometimes our judgment isn’t the best while sober. When we’re at happy hour, all forms of sound decision should be kept on ice. Trying to decipher our phone’s tech without beer is hard enough.

 Are they advanced enough to fly nowadays? Apparently, they’re not. This person found out the hard way. They also learned a valuable life lesson: airplane mode works best when already in the air. Who would’ve thought? Looks like we learn something new every day.

Teamwork Makes The Dream Work

Our dogs are our best friends. There’s no shame in admitting it. We clean up after them, and occasionally do the same for us. While it makes sense for us to do the tidying, we won’t begrudge a little help. After an evening at the bar everyone’s aim is less than perfect. This is why superheroes work in pairs.

Not everyone watching such a magnificent pair appreciates their effort. What may seem helpful and beneficial to some is disgusting and “Oh no, please stop!” to others. Keep it up and stick together, even when things get sticky. No matter what anyone says, these two obviously work well together; even if the work is completely unnecessary. 

A Secure And Bright Idea

A raucous night out isn’t complete without some sort of debauchery. It’s also great when you have to explain something completely ridiculous to your sober self. While this looks incredibly odd, it makes sense. These shoes…shoe…may be worth a fortune. Maybe it holds part of the soul of a dark wizard. Nobody knows, but it’s clearly being kept safe. 

Now nobody can disturb this boot without taking the lamp with it. That story probably makes sense with a few extra cocktails included. No matter how interesting, there are still some questions. The main one being: where’s the other shoe? We bet it’s chained to the toaster.

That’s Not How Money Works, Tammy

Car share drivers and taxis deserve much more praise than they receive. Not only are they convenient, they’re also literal lifesavers. With their ability to protect us from ourselves, they deserve a raise. While that’s true, that also means people have to pay. That’s what doing a job entails, regardless if you’re tipsy or just Tammy. Pay your drivers or…well, that’s your only option.

Not everyone is the greatest at math. If you toss in dollar signs, then you have a whole other ordeal. Mix in a few beers and that’s it. Any hope of making the right change is gone. Thankfully, it doesn’t seem like we’re the only ones.

They Had The Right Idea

Phones these days aren’t as strong as they’d like you to think. Remember when you could charge your cell once and it lasted DAYS? A single charge could even last a week or more if you had a brick-shaped phone. Nowadays we’re lucky to get a full day of use from our devices. Just like a bathroom after you hit your thirties, we never pass up a free outlet.

Just because there’s a free plug doesn’t mean it works. Half the time there’s no power. In the other half, there’s a bit more user error. When the hangover allows you to wake up and see your mistake, who could you call to tell? Someone missed the whole point of charging overnight.

It Helps Maintain Their Freshness

Misplacing something after a round at the local pub is understandable. In fact, it’s almost expected. If you can find everything you had on you before going out, you deserve a medal. You’re not going to get one though, you’d probably just lose it. That or put it someplace weird. Speaking of, have you ever left something in the fridge by accident? 

Remote controls, keys, even phones make sense in the fridge. We can get behind that kind of drunk logic. A pair of fine leather shoes in the crisper is something else. Someone had to remove them from their feet first. No, we’re not buying that this was the first time this has happened.

Keeping It In The Family

Minors have no place in a bar or saloon. Thankfully, that’s what IDs and carefully trained bouncers are for. Your friendly establishment security can also help make sure everyone is having a fun and safe time. What isn’t fun is when the cops come in to break up the fun. People have to do their jobs. Sometimes those people just happen to be our parents.

Rain cloud: you got busted by the cops. Silver lining: the cop’s your dad. Saving grace: You weren’t even at a bar at all! This person thankfully got home safely. It just so happens the bouncer at the house also happens to be the one person they didn’t want to meet.

Are They Part of the Avengers?

Almost everyone encounters their drunken alter ego at least once or twice in their boozy journey. This person is known by many names. Sometimes they’re a loud party animal. Other times they’re quieter and don’t want to make a huge scene. Then there are those really special moments when your alter ego reveals who you really are. If you happen to be Peter Parker, or whoever this person is, you have a lot of explaining to do.

Different drinks have different effects on people. Apparently, whatever this super-suited person had to drink gave them powers. Now they can climb trees (kind of). They can also chase things without spilling their glass! Thankfully the world is a bit safer with SpiderNan to protect us.

This Is Genius Level Drunk

Don’t you hate having to walk somewhere after a round of drinks? It’s great having shots and all, but traveling isn’t always in the cards. You shouldn’t move too much after a drink anyway. When you absolutely must it’s time to get clever. Forget chucking cash at a cab, there’s a simpler and much more delicious way to get home. Just order some takeout and ask for delivery.

Once the food’s ready, just hop into your delivery person’s ride. Granted, you should probably check with them first. Most people don’t like strangers making themselves comfy in their ride. Don’t surprise them on their mopeds either, they hate that. If the person’s cool, and you can eat on the way, you’ve just saved your night. Your wallet may be happier, too.

Is “The Disaster Chef” A Show?

Chaos, confusion, and madness are just some of the things that can occur in the kitchen. Sure, some tasty treats are made there too. However, when the chef is more of a fan of a wine glass, this room is just destined to get trashed. Even the simplest of dishes can be an effort to achieve. Judging by the scene of the crime, this could have been something as simple as a sandwich. 

We don’t blame anyone. Ingredients can get slippery. Directions can be hard to read. Even standing on your own two feet at this hour is a herculean effort. If anything, this could have ended a lot worse. Good for the buddy. They didn’t burn the house down, and that’s something to celebrate.

If I Fits, I Naps

Working the night shift can really bite. If you’re slaving away all night and sleeping all day, when do you party? Everyone deserves to cut loose. Relaxing is even beneficial to your health. Being able to separate work and free time is a good way to preserve sanity. That doesn’t mean you can’t relax at the company holiday party when it rolls around. 

When things go from after-hours fun to blackout mistakes, don’t fall asleep at the office. If you do, then you won’t be able to charge for travel when you wake up. Your co-workers will get all the good embarrassing pictures, too. Neither of those is ideal when you need all the tips you can get.

Hold Our Place in the Queue

Nobody likes to wait to have fun. Unfortunately, the hottest bars may have waitlists just to get in. Sometimes waiting in line to get into the club is the most exciting part of the night. When that’s the case, we just want to cut our losses and head to the next place. Isn’t there always that lingering thought about what could have been? Might as well leave someone standing in line.

If you’re out on your own, or none of your buddies are willing to help, take matters into your own shoes. In fact, just let your leg take everyone’s place. It’s not like it’s going anywhere without you. Wait…or is it the other way around? That made more sense a few drinks ago.

Appetizers Should Come In Tupperware

What do you do if you’ve had too much to drink and want to eat? Well, you could cook. But that could potentially involve fire, which isn’t great. There’s takeout, but the food isn’t the best. Oh, what about your town’s local deli? They have fresh and delicious food, plus you’re supporting a small business. That’s all well and good, but you can’t ask for just a taste of something.

The practical approach is to ask for the smallest serving of something. Then you can gauge how hungry you are later. That’s cute for sober people, but the beer demands MORE. Order a family portion of something. Where are you going to put it? Just pour it into your purse. Now you’re helping the environment and you’re fed. Win-win.

She Still Has The Right Idea

Public transportation is both a blessing and a horrifyingly eye-opening curse. It’s great that everyone has an affordable way to get around and avoid clogging up the roads with private cars. It’s also a nice way to have someone else do the driving. You have other things to worry about, like whether your shoe is your phone. Or is it the other way around?

First off, please don’t take off your shoes on any public vehicle. That should be a given. Second, maybe see if your phone can get fitted with an ankle strap. The added support will really help. We wonder who she tried to call before bonking herself in the face. We don’t think it’s the bar.

A Journey Of A Thousand Feet

A night out on the town is super duper enjoyable. It’s even better with friends. Not everyone has to drink to party, either. Sober buddies sometimes make the evening even a lot more exciting. They also can pay bail. At the end of the night, they really shine. A non-drinking friend can usually give you a quick and safe ride home. That’s usually what’s supposed to happen.

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If you have the option to have a sober buddy, get one. They’re fun titles that any non-drinking friend can adopt to mean they’re taking care of you. If this person’s sober buddies were better at their job, this guy probably wouldn’t have walked a marathon just to get to their front door. 

Best Furniture Purchase Ever Made

Safes are a great way to protect your valuables. You don’t need a giant Scrooge McDuck type of vault to safeguard your precious jewels. Regular everyday pieces of furniture can easily be converted to be a secure place to store what’s important. The decision to protect something should generally be made with a sober mind. “Generally” is the keyword here.

Sometimes your more blacked out form knows what’s really meant to be kept safe. You’ve never woken up to find two family-sized pizzas stored in your bedside table? Have you ever really partied? Maybe it’s time to go out with a different group. This smart investor thought ahead and had a delicious payoff waiting for them.

A Lot Of Faith In Clothing

Remember when people with pocket protectors were made fun of? No? Great, those times are over. Back in the day our precious, petite pockets were perched precariously without protection. They also weren’t really useful for much. It turns out they work best when at beer festivals. If you want to see something outperform all clothing accessories just slap a half-liter of beer into a shirt pocket.

Actually, please don’t. We’re not liable for any ripped pockets or spilled beers. This guy certainly seems to have trust issues. The issue mostly being that he has too much trust in his clothes. Where can we find a shirt like this? We’re asking for research purposes only (kind of).

That’s Thinking With Your Garbage

What was your first apartment like? Many of you may be in them right now. Don’t worry, it gets better. Everyone starts somewhere. At least you haven’t reached the stage where you’ve lost your shower curtain. Oh, you are? Well, fear not. There are solutions to everything if you think (and drink) hard enough. Do you have access to any large branches or forested areas? Trust us, we saw it done on the Internet.

You don’t need a fancy plastic metal rod. All you need to fix up your shower is a six-pack of something alcoholic, a giant branch, and some old twine. Toss it all together and master your domain. Yep, you’ve done something even cooler than remake a curtain rod. You’ve made some intensely revealing artwork. Look at you all grown up!

The Wolf of Bourbon Street

Buy low, sell high, avoid stocks and crypto at all costs. That’s the secret to saving and making money, right? Who knows, this isn’t an institute of higher learning. But this person may have gone to one. How else can you explain leaving with a little and coming back with a game show sized prize package? We’d ask for evidence but who knows which phone it’s on.

Wherever this person went on their adventure they knew what they were doing. It doesn’t matter if they don’t remember. Whether it was a club, casino, or random house party, they knew how to negotiate. Why did they do it? Who cares? It’s pretty impressive, regardless of the reason.

Clean From The Inside Out

What’s that one comfort food that really turns a party night snack into a delicious midnight munchie? We all have one. Some people go for pizza, others want ice cream, and some want curiously thick beef jerky. We’ve all been there. We’re looking around the corner store for something to chew on. In our bleary vision, we come across something that looks absolutely delectable.

It looks good, smells good, and even leaves our skin feeling soft. Clearly, this is what our stomach wants. Wrong. This is what your skin wants while bathing. Good job Captain Beer Foam, you’ve just indulged in an expensive piece of soap! Did it leave you with a bubbly feeling on the inside?

The Cuteasaurus Is Especially Cuddly

Have you ever wanted to dress your pet up in dumb costumes for fun? The problem is you’ve never had a great excuse. Most animals don’t really seem to enjoy costume time. Thankfully, tequila makes everyone’s judgment and persistence stronger than speculation. Don’t let the confusion stop you. Your dog totally wants to be a dinosaur. It’s like a living history lesson! 

Look how happy and concerned they are! Clearly, they’re having a good time. It’s a pity it’s not as much fun as the person who made a pup into a festive partysaurus from the cuteness era. Sorry about that. We’re not wrong though. Just make sure your four-legged friend can get out of their costume easily and safely. Now do the dino-stomp!

Never Let Yourself Drink and Text

There are a few rules to follow when going out drinking. One of the biggest rules is to never text an ex while under the influence. It never ends well, it’s always messy, and who ends up with a happy ending? Remember sober buddies from earlier? This is where they step in, too. Protecting a friend from themselves is always a righteous and correct thing to do when out.

The bartender, a friend, even a stranger at the bar; give your phone to anyone that’ll safely hold on to it. Going out should be about having fun. It’s not about rehashing past drama and spilling unnecessary tea (or vodka) over someone else’s night. Besides, what’s worse than them not responding? Oh, that’s right, if they decide to take you up on your sloppy come-ons.

Making New Friends in New Places 

Alcohol makes it easier to make new friends, especially if you’re typically the shy and reserved type. All your inhibitions fade away and suddenly you’re chatting up a total stranger in an unfamiliar city. These friendships might not be as long-lasting as you’d hope. Once the booze starts to wear off you realize you’ve got nothing to talk about. But you’ll always have the memories and photos…

Looks like these gents had an amazing time befriending a…llama? Alpaca? We’re no animal experts. Whatever type of animal this is, it sure looks like it knows how to have a fun night out. Small towns might seem boring at first, but once you let yourself go you’ll discover they’re full of adventure! 

Don’t Cry Over Spilled Burrito

Most people have their emotions heightened while under the influence. Anything that causes a little happiness will make them utterly elated. A mild annoyance will become the most infuriating thing on Earth. And one mild inconvenience becomes the end of the world. How does that saying go…there’s no use in crying over spilled burrito? 

To be fair, we’d be pretty upset if we managed to ruin a perfectly good burrito. Not enough to sit on the floor and cry, but we might complain about it for a good few minutes. If he’s this clumsy while drunk he might want to consider holding off on food prep. It’ll only lead to more devastation! 

Dad Setting a Good Example

Who wouldn’t want a dad who likes to have fun? Once your kid is old enough to buy booze, there’s no reason to not go out and have a good time. As you can clearly see, this father is setting the perfect example of how to have good, clean fun while under the influence. Drink and play responsibly! 

If the daughter’s lying on the floor, who’s taking the photo? We seriously doubt dad had the foresight to bring a camera stand, even if he did he’d be too drunk to set it up!  Maybe mom wanted to join their fun night, and make sure the two of them didn’t get into too much trouble.

At Least She Had the Packing Peanuts

Getting drunk usually means falling asleep in unusual places. Most people fall onto the sofa (or miss it entirely), others might decide to take a snooze in the bathtub. This girl ended up in a very different spot. At least she had all those packing peanuts to keep her comfortable! Seems like a weird coincidence, good thing her package came in the mail the same day she got wasted.

It’s a shame she only missed the bad by about a foot, but we wouldn’t have this hilarious photo otherwise. We wonder if her roommate roused her from sleep or let her spend the rest of the night that way. Her back is gonna hurt in the morning! 

Two Super Helpful People

These cops should be seriously commended for their work. Getting drunk and not having a plan to get home can be dangerous. It’s absolutely unacceptable to drink and drive. Some people don’t have a designated driver to take them home, others might be too intoxicated to call a cab. That’s where these public servants step in. 

Not only did they make sure this man got home safe, but they also spared him the bewilderment and confusion that would come with waking up. Now he won’t have to wonder how he got home and into bed while he was black-out drunk. These cops are literally saving lives and helping people avoid danger. Kudos to them! 

They’re Definitely Breaking Up

Some people can overdo it with alcohol and forget every aspect of their life. Other times the booze only emboldens them to act out the fantasies they’ve always wanted to explore. This woman had no idea that a little liquor would cause her boyfriend to cheat. And she definitely didn’t expect him to be unfaithful right in front of her! 

Either he was so drunk he forgot she was there, or he just stopped caring. Either way, this festival was totally ruined for this soon-to-be ex-girlfriend. It’s going to be pretty awkward getting off his shoulders. Maybe she should pour the rest of her drink on both of their heads. That’d be a little sweet revenge.

He Looks Impressed with Himself

People make crazy bets among their friends all the time. But the dares are always the wildest when people start drinking. Suddenly you think you’re capable of anything and everything, and you’re willing to show up to anyone who dares to doubt your abilities. This guy was actually true to his word. But we have one question; would he be able to do this sober?

Of course, most sober people wouldn’t want to stuff a whole pack of straws in their mouth in the first place. His expression seems to imply he’s impressed with himself, he probably didn’t think he could pull it off. But the pictures will be here to prove all nonbelievers wrong! 

There Was an Attempt

There are many things people do as part of their nighttime routine. Brushing your teeth is a given, removing makeup is only a pre-bedtime chore for some. Others need to take their contact lenses out and carefully place them back with fresh solutions. Trust us, you don’t want to fall asleep with those on. 

Executing your nightly routine becomes complicated when you’re drunk. You might wake up with especially bad breath and makeup smudged all over your face. This woman actually managed to remove her contacts but failed to put them back in the right place. We guess with drunk goggles on an eyeshadow palette can look like a contact lens case.

Total Loss of Spatial Awareness

If you’re drunk enough you might begin to lose awareness of your surroundings. That’s why it’s always good to have a responsible friend around to take care of you. It looks like this person was checking up on their friend the only way they could. Maybe talking to them verbally was no longer effective, texting was the only way.

Though it seems they couldn’t even reach them through text. Perhaps they’ll have to physically shake their friend to bring them back to reality. A crowded bar can be bewildering, especially if you’ve had a lot to drink, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t notice your friend looking right at you! 

Moms Want to Have Fun, Too

Young adults aren’t the only ones who like having a good time. Moms work so hard, it’s only fair they get a break once in a while. And sometimes that break means breaking out a bottle! Looks like this lady decided to relax with a glass of wine…or a few. You don’t realize how drunk you are until the bottle’s empty, and by then you’ve already organized all the vegetables in the house.

Some people are super productive when they’re boozed up. Others manage to accomplish complicated but ultimately useless tasks. It seems mom is happy enough with her little project, even though it literally serves no purpose. Let her have this moment, we’re sure she’s earned it! 

Drunk You Isn’t as Efficient As You’d Think

Some people have an extra burst of confidence after they’ve hit the sauce. They feel suddenly productive and are suddenly excited to get things done. While some people claim that being intoxicated makes them better at accomplishing certain tasks, most of us are worse at everything after a few too many. This was a lesson that poor Jess had to learn the hard way.

You think the drunk version of you is better, smarter, more motivated…until you’ve sobered up and realized they’re a total moron. Whatever drunk Jess thought she was doing, it definitely wasn’t packing lunch. Maybe her inebriated alter ego wanted her to skip eating for the day.

A Risky Task to Do While Drunk

There are people on this Earth who decide to do chores after a few drinks. Usually this happens when one drinks at home, no one leaves the club to go mop their kitchen floor. These ladies might’ve had a few too many glasses of wine before they thought of washing the cat. Pet grooming is an important thing to do, but most people take their felines to a groomer.

Cats aren’t exactly known for enjoying baths, these ladies took a huge risk! They’re lucky they didn’t have scratches all over their skin, some kitties would’ve put up quite a fight. Maybe this cat is used to their drunken shenanigans, he’s just waiting for them to sober up.

Apologizing to Your Reflection

Most of us aren’t terribly graceful when we’re drunk. Walking in a straight line becomes a challenge, and bumping into people is basically inevitable. This is especially true if you’re wading through a crowded club, it’s impossible not to knock elbows on your way to the toilet. Just make sure to say “excuse me”, you don’t want to get into a drunken brawl! 

This girl ran into someone head on and had the good manners to excuse herself. Guess she was scared of her reflection? Imagine getting into a fight with yourself, we’re sure stranger things have happened. When you’re under the influence your own face can look unfamiliar! 

Saying Sorry with Bacon

While drunk, we tend to say and do things we don’t really mean. We’re all familiar with the saying “alcohol goes in truth comes out,” but occasionally we get ourselves into situations even our subconscious wouldn’t enjoy. Try not to take your buddy’s drunken antics too seriously, especially if they’re willing to reach out with a sweet apology like this.

How can you turn down a delicious stack of bacon? It seems like this friend was truly sorry, though we’re wondering what the context of those slaps was. Could it have been in the middle of a dramatic accusation or perhaps an old-fashioned fight? Whatever it was, we’re sure it won’t happen again.

The Best Drunk Prank

This is the kind of roommate who keeps all sorts of weird odds and ends in their room. We’re sure they bought several packs of googly eyes ages ago and never knew what to do with them. Thankfully, a little alcohol was all it took for them to indulge that subconscious layer of creative madness. We’re sure whoever found this had a good laugh.

How could anyone be mad at anything as hilarious as this? To be perfectly honest, we’re thinking of picking up some googly eyes and doing the same in our fridges. This guy’s drunken idea could enrich all our lives. We just need to be brave enough to go for it.

Congratulations, You Played Yourself

If you want to have a pleasant drinking experience there are a few things you should prepare in advance. It’s definitely a good idea to have a few responsible friends around, especially a designated driver. A ride-sharing app will come in handy if you don’t have a DD to get you home. Make sure the pathway to your bed is clear so you don’t step on a lego on your way there.

The last tip is to drink water. Before you drink, while you drink, and after you’re done drinking. Water is going to prevent you from having a terrible hangover the following morning. Oh, and if drunk you is a jerk, make sure that water isn’t actually vodka! 

A Delicious Photoshoot

Intoxication and fast food, name a better duo. Whenever people get a few drinks in they always end up going to the nearest burger joint. What’s the fun in getting drunk if you can’t stuff your face with greasy french fries? This person had the right idea when it came to a quick drunken snack, we just don’t understand why they took so many photos…

We can understand taking a bunch of awkward selfies while boozed up, but what’s so special about this hashbrown? Maybe the cashier who sold it to them was especially cute, and they wanted to remember that moment their entire life? Or they were drunk and made a bizarre, inexplicable decision. We’re guessing it’s the second one.

The Weirdest Thing to Lose on a Night Out

It’s pretty common for people to lose their wallets, keys, or purse while on a drunken night out. It’s always recommended to surround yourself with some responsible friends, maybe even one sober person. That way you’re less likely to leave important things behind. This guy managed to forget something pretty impressive; his shoes. But hey, how many of us can say we have bowling shoes in our closet? 

It’s almost kind of cool…until you realize the shoes he went in with were probably a whole lot more expensive. We’re guessing this happens a lot at bowling alleys that serve beer, they probably have a lost and found that’s full of Js! 

We’re Not Sure We’d Eat That Slice…

Picture this, you’ve just bought yourself a slice of delicious pizza, but the hour’s late and you need to get home. You simply can’t spare the seconds it takes to finish the slice, you’ve just got to bike home before curfew. Your drunken brain might come up with the perfect solution to spare your nighttime snack.

This girl might’ve been saving the slice for later, but we’re not sure how sanitary it is to keep it strapped down there. You might get the pizza to your house, but you’ll also have to brush off errant flecks of dirt. Is it really worth it? Better order delivery from home next time.

That Song Could Wake the Dead

Alcohol works as a sedative, which is a fancier way of saying it makes you sleepy. You’re not the only one who gets drowsy after a few beers, they don’t call it a nightcap for nothing! That said, some people just can’t hold their liquor and end up passed out on the bed, couch, or floor before the party’s over. Typically there’s little to be done to stir them from their sleep…

…except the song Africa apparently. We know it’s a popular song, we just didn’t know it was good enough to wake the drunk!  Is this a universal solution or is there a different song for every blacked out person?

Not The Response They Were Looking For

This person’s brother needed a lot of patience to deal with their drunk sibling. They ask to be picked up, without saying please, and then they don’t cooperate when they’re asked a question. The brother knows that their sibling is drunk, but we’re sure he was still annoyed at the response. Instead of helping him find where they were, they only made his life more difficult. 

Instead of picking them up, he should’ve sent back a voice note of him singing the song. Their sibling would be so distracted they would forget they even asked for a ride, and this brother can get back to his business.

He Really Likes Guy Fawkes

Lots of people head to clubs and bars to meet their special someone. Sometimes alcohol can be the confidence booster you need to strike up a conversation. Unfortunately, getting drunk also means you won’t be at your most charming. You might end up spilling beer all over your shirt — not exactly the moves of a Casanova. 

This guy probably thought he was Mr. Smooth when he was making out with…Guy Fawkes?  Clearly, the people in the background are having a great time while watching this spectacle. This guy had to be totally wasted to mistake a plastic mask for a human being. Or maybe he just REALLY likes V from the Marvel comics.

Bros Who Dress Together Drink Together

Oktoberfest is one of the biggest beer festivals in the world. And, as you can imagine, people get pretty wasted when they attend. This annual event takes place in Germany, it typically runs for around 16-18 days. That’s a lot of partying! Attendees consume around 7.7 million liters of beer…in total that is. Individuals can drink as much as they like, but they’ll have to deal with the hangover afterward.

These friends like to dress and drink the same way. Clearly, they’re all worn out after a long festival, we hope they figure out how to get home! Good thing they were responsible and used public transportation. You’ll be home soon gents! 

Now He Has to do the Other One

Some people dedicate themselves to an extremely specific project while drunk. It might be the sort of thing they never thought of doing while sober. But in their deepest subconscious, they always wanted to try it out. Too bad this guy couldn’t finish the job and is left with uneven legs. Do you think he shaved the other one after waking up?

Now he’ll have to deal with the itchy stubble while it’s growing back. He’s definitely going to hide the razors and shaving cream the next time he drinks. Hopefully, his roommates won’t make any awkward comments while he’s walking around like that. We’re guessing he exclusively wore long pants for a week and a half.

At Least He’s Owning Up to It

Looks like this guy made a super dumb decision while intoxicated. What could’ve spawned the idea of stealing a stranger’s bike? He must’ve been pretty inebriated to try something like that. Based on the sign it looks like it’s not in his nature to steal. He’s trying to rectify his mistake and get this person their bike back! 

Imagine waking up in the morning and finding a mystery bike in your living room. We’re guessing you’d feel as bad as this dude. It’s a little risky to openly admit to a crime like this, but maybe the person will appreciate them trying to be straightforward and not go to the police. 

Alexa, Help This Man! 

The people who look after drunk friends or family always have the best stories to tell. If you’re the only nondrinker amongst drinking company, you’re sure to observe some pretty funny or embarrassing behavior. And because you’re sober you’ll remember everything the next day! If you’re as drunk as this girl’s dad you’re going to need more than an Amazon Echo to help you.

You can rely on Alexa for a lot of things, but she’s not going to help you through a messy situation! Thankfully his daughter was there to drive him home, unfortunately, Alexa couldn’t help him there either. They don’t own one! That’s so sad…Alexa play Despacito. 

He Forgot Can Openers Exist

Picture this; you’re home one evening and super wasted. Maybe you just came back from a party or perhaps you spent the night getting boozy with friends. The night’s over but you’re still feeling pretty tipsy, there’s only one thing on your mind. Canned ravioli, it’s the one thing you want more than anything else. Unfortunately, you’ve forgotten that can openers exist.

We wonder how many other tools they tried before picking up a hammer and screwdriver. Seriously people, you’re better off not cooking if you’re drunk. May we suggest ordering in? This would definitely be the time to do it. That way you avoid whatever serious injuries could come out of this! 

Ah, Romance

Ah, a classic love story. Who among us hasn’t fantasized about meeting our soulmate on a drunk night out? Okay, may some people have different ideas of romance. But this girl clearly lived through one of the greatest and least typical love stories of all time. Who aside from these two fakes accents while drunk? 

We’re guessing they were both too inebriated to notice the accent was fake, or they’re both just very good at the Irish accent. Maybe staying in the country long enough has given them that skill. Either way, we hope they were able to connect through Tinder and fall in love. Wouldn’t that be a crazy story to tell the kids?

Here Comes the Bride

It’s pretty socially acceptable to drink at parties. Just don’t want to overdo it. The wedding might have an open bar, but you don’t want to get totally wasted. Especially if you’re the bride! We don’t think a massive hangover isn’t the right way to start a marriage. At least her new hubby figured out how to keep her from barfing on the floor.

Hey, they did say “in sickness and in health”! If this doesn’t count as “sick” then we’re not sure what does. In a way, this is a very sweet scene…if you can look past the drunken barfing. Let’s hope this one doesn’t end up in any of the wedding albums! 

At Least She Knows He Cares 

It might be frightening to find out your girlfriend is in the hospital, unless you know they work there. Derrick went out drinking one night and figured he’d check on his girlfriend at two in the morning. A sudden panic rushed over him when he discovered she was at the hospital. The guilt of going out while she was injured was just too heavy. 

All the emotions were rushing through his head at that moment. He was sure she’d dump him for not being there with her. Good thing he was just drunkenly paranoid and his girlfriend was working the night shift. He completely forgot her place of work for a moment there.