Funny and Honest Valentine’s Day Cards From Kids
Valentine’s Day is a holiday about expressing our feelings, and who on Earth is better at honest expression than children? Little kids have no problem being totally candid about how they feel about others, which makes their Valentine’s Day cards absolutely hysterical! Seeing the way these kiddos try and express affection to their teachers, parents, and crushes is not only adorable, but the shameless way they go about it is a marvel. These children hold nothing back when it comes to writing their Valentines, and maybe there’s something we can all learn from that!
From messy poems to awkward confessions of love, these Valentines from kids will have you doubled over with laughter.
I Love You More Than…
This little girl just wanted to write her mother a nice Valentine’s Day poem, and luckily for her, it looks like her teacher already started her off with the first four lines. All she needed to do was come up with a single word to finish it off, something she loved her mother more than. Most people would say something like “gold and silver” or “diamonds”, but not this little girl.
She wanted to proclaim that she loved her mother more than “cow”. Does she mean cows in general or one specific cow? Maybe this family lives on a farm and this little girl has a pet cow that she loves more than anything else. More than anything else, aside from her mom.
Do Mommy and Daddy Need Couples Counseling?
There is no one who is more honest about the state of a couple’s relationship than their child. Kids notice a lot more than we give them credit for, and it looks like little Evan here had something to say about his parents’ romantic dynamic! We’re not sure if this is supposed to be a Valentine to the two of them or an intervention.
Apparently, whatever love mom gives to dad is met with gas. We wonder how Evan’s dad reacted to this card, maybe it made him reconsider all those baked beans he was eating. This might just be a funny observation on the kid’s part and less of a deep look into his parents’ relationship, but dad should still take the hint.
A Grim But Truthful Valentine
What kind of message of love do kids give their parents on Valentine’s Day? Their concept of love and other emotions is still developing, and what they appreciate from their mom and dad might be pretty basic. Take Brendan here, he wrote a heartfelt message to his mother thanking her for giving him food, even though she’s obligated to feed him otherwise she’d go to jail.
But did he need to phrase it in such a grim way? “So I don’t die” is a little bit of a downer, surely he could have thanked his mom for feeding him without mentioning the inevitability of death. If no one intervenes in this kid’s life he might grow up to be a goth!
A Backhanded Compliment
Looks like this kid was really at a loss for words when writing this Valentine’s Day card. We can’t be sure who this letter was meant for, but it looks like whoever wrote it may have been forced to do so. This kid was clearly trying their best to pen a positive message, but it only comes off as a backhanded compliment.
The basic message of this card is “you’re not that cool but I like you anyway.” Perhaps this kid didn’t realize how passive-aggressive this sounded and was only trying to be honest. Though we’re not sure the person who receives this card is going to be very enthusiastic about their candidness, hopefully, they won’t take it too hard.
A Very Mature Response
It looks like we have a very mature little kid in this classroom! Almost anyone who went to grade school has either received or given a note like this, one that asks the straightforward question to the object of your affection; Do you like me? But instead of checking one of the boxes, this kid wrote an entire response back.
Wise words for such a young child, and we can’t say they’re incorrect. When you’re a kid you don’t really have the brain for a romantic relationship, plus there are so many more important things you could be doing instead. We had to laugh at her PS at the end, which asserts that you don’t know yourself until you’re 18!
Everything is RED
Writing poetry can be difficult, and it definitely isn’t for everyone. It looks like rhyming just isn’t this kid’s strong suit, but that’s okay, he’s found a way to work around that. Instead of finding a line to end the classic “roses are red” poem, he put his own twist and ended up making something pretty funny. We guess this kiddo is a fan of superhero movies.
Though we’re not quite sure whether the character he doodled here is meant to be a hero or a villain. It looks a bit like a supervillain who is setting a town on fire with his laser vision, not the most romantic message for a Valentine’s Day card. But it was still good enough to pin onto the bulletin board!
This Kid’s Attention is All Over the Place
When you’re young and discovering the world for the first time everything can become an easy distraction. It looks like this little kid had their attention all over the place while writing this card, they just don’t know what to focus on. Though you can’t say they’re not enthusiastic, every one of their sentences has an exclamation point at the end of it
This kid had so many things to say and only one small piece of paper to get all their thought out onto. If there’s one thing we can deduce from this card is that their mom has beautiful eyes, is skilled at making guacamole (or “gwockomoly”), and has at least one very hyperactive child!
Look at #6 on This List
Some schools give out Valentine’s that kids can fill out, which can be helpful if they’re too young to write one from scratch. This appears to be what this school did here, though perhaps they included too many rows for the children to fill out! This list starts off logically enough, with mom and dad at the top and what we can guess are siblings or close friends afterward.
But by the time this kid got to number six they must have been fresh out of ideas of people they love. Maybe they looked frantically around the classroom and noticed a chart of US presidents on the wall, and then picked one at random. That would explain what Teddy Roosevelt is doing at the bottom of this list!
Good Job, Mom!
This kid wanted to write a special message to their mother, one that would compliment her on one of her best features. Most kids might say something like “you’re so beautiful” or “you cook the best food”, but this child had something else in mind. It looks like they want to commend their mother for her ability to not burp when waiting at the bus stop.
We can only guess that mom accidentally let a blech out once before, and since then has been doing her very best not to do it again. Her kid might think they’re doing a nice thing by praising their mom for her restraint, but it just ends up being a reminder of a very embarrassing moment.
An A for Effort?
The idea behind this card is clear, but the execution? We’ll give it an A for effort. Obviously what this kid wanted to do was have some kind of reflective surface that would make the card compliment whoever was holding it. Unfortunately, it looks like this particular Kindergarten didn’t have any real mirror material on hand, or maybe they just didn’t want to send a small child home with something that breakable.
The solution? Taping a piece of crinkled tinfoil to the card. It might not be a safety hazard but it does defeat the entire purpose of the card. We wonder if the kid realized that or if they were just too excited to bring this home to their mom.
Miss Johnson is Not a Jedi
Kids writing Valentine’s Day cards for their teachers might be adorable, but it also gives us a window into how they really feel about them. In this case, it looks like Miss Johnson gets this kiddo’s seal of approval, and seems like she really is a great teacher. However, they weren’t hesitant to point out her one flaw, and we have to admit it is a big one.
Miss Johnson, contrary to what might be a popular belief in this kindergarten, is not part of the Jedi council. all her students must have assumed she was because, as this child claims, she is “great with the force”. We wonder who was the first Star Wars fanatic, this kid or Miss Johnson!
A Pessimistic Valentine’s Message
This kiddo is going the nontraditional route, writing his valentine’s day message on the sidewalk with chalk instead of using a paper card. That might be environmentally friendly of him, but on the flip side, it’s not a particularly sentimental message he’s sending out! Based on the handwriting, it looks like an adult might have written the message for him and the kid only drew the heart around it.
Which begs the question, who came up with the message, the kid, or the adult? Maybe this family is just especially pessimistic, and they’re setting their kid up to not have high expectations when it comes to romance. At least in a few days, this downer Valentine’s Day note will be worn away.
Does Her Husband Not Love Her?
The one thing you can’t forget when it comes to Valentine’s Day is the sweets. It looks like Kody here wanted to give a bag of holiday candies to his teacher, but the note he included alongside it makes the gesture less sweet and more suspicious. First off he refers to the treats as a “love potion”, which makes us wonder what exactly he did to them.
Secondly, he instructs his teacher to share them with her husband. Does he think his teacher’s husband doesn’t love her? Was there something she let slip out to the class that might cause him to think that, or does he just assume that husbands need a love potion in order to stick around?
A Valentine that Bites
Looks like this card was written shortly after this kid had a falling out with someone. It might have been a parent, or perhaps a teacher, whoever it is was probably not too thrilled to be called a piece of crap. Based on the handwriting it looks like this was written by a very young child, we wonder what happened to make them bring out the big insults like that.
It could be something as basic as being told that they can’t have ice cream for breakfast, as little kids have the habit of getting furiously mad at the silliest things. We’re guessing that they were given a talk on how to address their elders after handing in this less than a flattering card.
Only the Second Best?
This little kid wrote a Valentine’s Day card to their second favorite teacher. How can we be sure that Rachel is only his second favorite? Well, it’s a detail he decided to include in the card itself! It’s pretty cute when kids write honest things that they don’t realize are a bit insulting. We wonder who his favorite teacher is, and why they’re so much better than Rachel.
She was probably still glad to have received this card, even if it only ranks her second on this kid’s list of teachers. At least he was sweet enough to include a “love you” in there, most kids would be too embarrassed to say something like that to a teacher. His favorite teacher probably got something better though!
A Very Passive Aggressive Card
Looks like this kid thought he was being subtle but was really being as obviously passive-aggressive as possible. It’s common for kids to pull a dramatic “woe is me” act, but it’s even funnier when they decide to put it into writing. Luke here is making it known to his parents that he doesn’t even need dinner, maybe it’s because he has renamed himself as “the saddest person in the world”.
Why is Luke so sad? It could be anything from not having hot dogs for dinner to having his heart broken by that girl at the playground. You never really know with kids! He might be dramatic but at least he’s willing to put his feelings into writing.
Sending a Not So Subtle Message
Kids make all kinds of spelling mistakes while they’re growing up, that’s just part of learning their first language. However, we don’t think this misspelling of “sweetie” was accidental, in fact, we think it was completely intentional and meant to send a message to the recipient. Whoever this card is meant for might have a problem with excessive sweating and body odor.
This kid just wanted to point it out to them in somewhat of a subtle way. Though they did underline the word “sweaty” to emphasize it, making sure the message comes through loud and clear. Maybe this card should have been accompanied by a little Valentine’s Day gift, like a stick of deodorant or body spray.
Mom This is Your Intervention
Not all Valentine’s Day cards need to have a message or a poem, sometimes a picture can say a thousand words. It looks like this little kid decided to illustrate something that their mom loves. We wonder how their mom took this particular message, perhaps it made her reconsider the amount of wine she drinks on a regular basis. She just might be consuming a bit too much.
After all, if even her kid is beginning to notice it then you know it’s a problem. Then again, the kid might have only seen her mom drinking wine once on a special occasion and now associates it with Valentine’s Day. Either way, we’re sure both their parents had a good laugh at this one.
But Only Sometimes
This Valentine is not beating around the bush, it’s going to be completely honest. Most kids don’t feel shy to express the way they feel, even if it might hurt someone else’s feelings. But we’re assuming that this kid’s mom is old enough not to take the message personally. Maybe she just had to dole out some discipline to her kiddo, and that’s what caused this somewhat harsh Valentine to be written.
At least this kid loves their mom sometimes, it sure would be a bummer if they didn’t love their mom at all! Sometimes has to be better than never, right? Hopefully, once they’ve done a bit of growing up they’ll learn to love their mom all the time.
A Brotherly Love-Hate Relationship
Writing Valentine’s Day cards to your sibling is always a sweet gesture. After all, you should be able to love your brother or sister just as much as your parents, right? It looks like this kid has a bit of a love/hate relationship with his brother, as most of us do with our siblings. So while this Valentine is mostly sweet, it still throws a petty insult in for a good measure.
The card might be calling him a knucklehead, but at least it’s cut into a shape of a heart! That makes it mostly a nice gesture, and hopefully, he will use this defense if his brother complains to their parents about the insult at the end of the poem.
It’s Just Mommy’s Hormones
This little kid has been fully briefed on the effect pregnancy is having on her mom’s mood. Perhaps mom has been a little short with everyone the past few months, and it looks like everyone in the house is beginning to take notice. But did it need to be mentioned in the Valentine’s Day card? Seems like the message could’ve ended at “you are nice, funny, and you love me.”
But I guess this kid just wanted to be thorough with her feelings, and maybe it was even a way to subtly hint that mom needed to make a few mood adjustments. We wonder how her mother ended up taking this note, hopefully, she was able to see the good humor in it.
Ouch, That’s Harsh…
The little boy who wrote this note to Ashley was just so hopeful that she might check “yes”. Unfortunately, Ashley was just not feeling the spark, and circled “NO”. But that wasn’t all, she also included a lengthy note that seems to suggest some schoolyard drama, the kind of stuff you wouldn’t expect from such young kids. It reads more like the kind of thing you’d see in a reality TV show.
Apparently being Ashley’s boyfriend doesn’t mean much, at the very most your relationship is only going to last two months. That’s to be expected from such young kids, but it’s pretty funny that she’s putting it out there like that. You can’t say she’s not self-aware!
Is That Meant as a Threat?
We know that kids aren’t the best at phrasing sentences, but there’s something about this Valentine’s message that seems a bit ominous. Maybe this kid just wanted to remind their parents of the beautiful gift of life that they have, but the way it’s written comes across as more of a threat than anything else. This kid’s parents might want to sleep with one eye open for a few nights!
How would you react if a kid gave you this Valentine? Would you shrug it off or would you begin to grow suspicious? Maybe this kid has been possessed by some kind of demon who’s beginning to speak to the outside world through his Valentine’s Day cards!
Setting the Conditions for Love
This kid is making it crystal clear that his love is very conditional. While Valentine’s Day is a time to express the love we have for others, this kiddo is busying himself with setting up the rules involved in earning his love. The number one rule? Not making him clean his room, that’s a total deal-breaker. Take heed mom and dad, this child is going to keep his room messy!
Not a very sentimental note for his parents to receive, it isn’t even cut into the shape of a heart! We think any parent would be bummed out if this was the card they got from their kid. Not only do they have to deal with their kid’s love being conditional, but his room is still messy!
An Illustration of Love
This kid just wants to express his love for another person, maybe it’s his parent or his teacher, but we’re guessing that it’s more likely a schoolyard crush. The card tells us that he has already confessed his love to this romantic interest, but it looks like she either didn’t reciprocate or didn’t understand. Thankfully, he decided to send her a card with an illustration to clarify things.
Maybe the picture will help her get the message, or maybe she’s just not that into him. We smell a heartbreak coming on, and on Valentine’s Day of all times. Hopefully, this kid will get over it soon enough and not worry himself too much with romantic endeavors from now on.
Angry for Today and Tomorrow
This Valentine’s Day card might have been written out of anger, but at least it balances it out with a little bit of love. At the very least, this kid has included the amount of time they are going to stay angry. They’re pretty organized when it comes to their emotions, you have to give them credit for that at the very least.
They even included a notice at the bottom ensuring the person that they still love them, even if they are going to be mad for two entire days. For a kid, this is a pretty structured way of expressing emotions, not something you see every day. Still, it’s overall quite negative for Valentine’s Day!
You are a Beautiful Potato
You have to admit it, this kid knows their strengths and their weaknesses. Whoever they have written this card for is undoubtedly a beautiful person, but unfortunately, they were unable to show that in their illustration. The only thing this kid was confident enough to draw was a potato. We guess they preferred to have some kind of drawing up there than none at all.
At least it’s a very beautiful potato, though it looks like it’s beginning to sprout. That’s the kind of potato you have to cook soon, otherwise, it’s going to go bad. If that’s the case we’re not sure how beautiful this potato really is, but then again beauty is in the eye of the beholder!
Emma the Scholar
Looks like little Emma is going to grow up to be a philosopher, or a poet, perhaps both! Her piece is titled with an abstract question that people have pondered since the beginning of human emotions; What is love? She then goes on to answer it, using a pretty original metaphor. We have to give this six-year-old major props, she seems to be a pretty deep thinker for her age!
If this is the kind of stuff she’s writing in kindergarten, just imagine what she’s going to create once she’s older. This Valentine might not be heart-shaped, it might be colorless and sticker free, but it has a deeper message that means more than all of those extra Valentine’s day frills.
This Valentine Took a Wrong Turn
Something must have happened while this kid was in the middle of writing this Valentine’s Day card. Things started out well, the pink construction paper was cut into the shape of a heart, and they wrote out three different compliments to their mother. But it looks like there was some kind of fight that happened before they gave their mom the card.
As you can see, there’s a “not” written before each of the compliments, turning them into insults. What could this kid’s mom have possibly done to deserve such a mean Valentine’s Day card? If there’s anything we can learn from this is that children have very fickle emotions. Cross them once and they will completely turn on you!
The Kids in this Class Might Have Some Issues
Here we have a collection of a few Valentine’s, though a couple of them don’t seem to fit in with the theme of the holiday. The only normal one here appears to be the “Be My Valentine” card, the other two have very different messages! If you read carefully, the note that has the words “Die” prominently displayed on it also says “the most beautiful death.”
This kid has been reading too much American gothic literature, someone needs to give him some lighter media to get into. The “Got Love?” card sounds like a Shakespearean love sonnet in comparison, even though it does borrow the tagline from a milk advertisement. One thing we know for sure, this is a class of very strange children!